The most hilariously, relentlessly spot-on parody of John Ringo and his terrible ideas.

Sep 20, 2016 09:18


One critical aspect of the plagues, though, was quickly refilling earth’s population. The Horvath had hidden a subtle genetic change in several of the viruses that were spread. The change had to do with female reproduction, especially in the “blonde” genetic subgroup. Women who were effected, and the spread had been very nearly one hundred percent, were subject to a “heat” cycle similar to male reproductive drive and pharmaceutical contraceptives were functionally useless. The Horvath had anticipated their plagues essentially depopulating the planet and wanted to ensure a steady supply of new human slaves.
Friendly Glatun medical AIs and doctors had stopped the plague from killing most of humanity but since most of the world’s population was infected by the orbitally distributed plagues, they were left with the problem of what was called “Johannsen’s Syndrome.” The only way to fix the global issue was a reverse plague. But not only were the ethical considerations against infecting people without their consent, to stop the Horvath plagues they’d immunized most of humanity with advanced nano-bots that stopped virtually any biological or nannite in its tracks. To undue the damage required multiple medical visits and advanced technology that, at that point, was fairly rare.
This left virtually every woman on the planet with so much as a trace of blonde gene as a baby factory. The first year after the plague, Germany had one birth for every reproductive aged female. Scandinavia at one point hit an average birth rate of 9.1, meaning that if the rate continued the average Scandinavian-Dane, Swedish and Norwegian-woman would bear nine children in her life. The teen pregnancy rate got completely out of control for about five years before education and cultural effects started to get a handle on the new reality.
It was all very well to say “be fruitful and multiply.” Johannsen’s made the situation simply insane. The nature of the plague meant that, in some cases, there were serial pregnancies meaning that more than one viable fetus was in the womb from multiple inseminations. Some women had three children in as many months.

There's more of this satirical Swiftian takedown here.

This entry was originally posted at DreamWidth and has
comments. You can comment there using your LiveJournal name via OpenID.
Previous post Next post
Up