even the things that seem still are still changing.
So I figured I had grown out of the whole live journal thing.
But the truth is... this is really still the only place I can turn to when I have something inside that I just need to express that I don't think most would understand. I could write it down in an actual journal, but isn't it the same thing? And at least this way... someone can hear me. And that is the whole point of expressing something in the first place. To tell someone... whether its a particular person or the whole world... something. anything. relating to how you are feeling at the particular moment you released your energy into some sort of activity.
For me? It's always been two things: Writing. And being onstage.
Writing seems to be the easier option at the moment.
So, I feel like I'm growing up a lot here. Maybe I'm not, maybe I am but how I feel right now is... different than before. There are things you can never learn or respect until you live on your own. Dishes. Vacuming. Laundry. There ain't nobody else to do em anymore. I now understand why my mother doesnt enjoy company three nights in a row. Becuase you have to spend the money to provide the food and the energy to clean up the mess. Which I always knew.. but never really understood.
However, as great as it is to live on my own and do what I want and to be responsible for only myself I feel like I'm losing contact with the people at home. which is... normal, I guess. But we're growing up and growing apart. Making priortiy decisions. Not visiting friends because there is something else more important to do. Boyfriends. Other people. Whatever you want to fill in the blank with. Which is... fine. Just, sad. Sad. Yeah. Thats the word I'm looking for. And maybe. Lonely. You feel like the people that you were with were simply your friends due to relatively close distance. Like now that you have moved so far you aren't really worth their time anymore. Despite the exceptions to the rule, you still feel you are abandoned. When really by moving... you were the one to do the abandoning. Now I'm just rambling.
There are so many things I want to do but i am too scared or lazy to initiate. And I keep telling myself I will. But then I never do. It sucks.
Whatever. If you want to know more then spend the 30 dollars to come visit me by the ocean. Or call me on the phone. Or just leave a message. I highly doubt anyone reads this anymore, anyway. But there is just something to knowing that my feelings are out there. Available to anyone who is interested.
The things that go through your head when you don't have cable...
But the truth is... this is really still the only place I can turn to when I have something inside that I just need to express that I don't think most would understand. I could write it down in an actual journal, but isn't it the same thing? And at least this way... someone can hear me. And that is the whole point of expressing something in the first place. To tell someone... whether its a particular person or the whole world... something. anything. relating to how you are feeling at the particular moment you released your energy into some sort of activity.
For me? It's always been two things: Writing. And being onstage.
Writing seems to be the easier option at the moment.
So, I feel like I'm growing up a lot here. Maybe I'm not, maybe I am but how I feel right now is... different than before. There are things you can never learn or respect until you live on your own. Dishes. Vacuming. Laundry. There ain't nobody else to do em anymore. I now understand why my mother doesnt enjoy company three nights in a row. Becuase you have to spend the money to provide the food and the energy to clean up the mess. Which I always knew.. but never really understood.
However, as great as it is to live on my own and do what I want and to be responsible for only myself I feel like I'm losing contact with the people at home. which is... normal, I guess. But we're growing up and growing apart. Making priortiy decisions. Not visiting friends because there is something else more important to do. Boyfriends. Other people. Whatever you want to fill in the blank with. Which is... fine. Just, sad. Sad. Yeah. Thats the word I'm looking for. And maybe. Lonely. You feel like the people that you were with were simply your friends due to relatively close distance. Like now that you have moved so far you aren't really worth their time anymore. Despite the exceptions to the rule, you still feel you are abandoned. When really by moving... you were the one to do the abandoning. Now I'm just rambling.
There are so many things I want to do but i am too scared or lazy to initiate. And I keep telling myself I will. But then I never do. It sucks.
Whatever. If you want to know more then spend the 30 dollars to come visit me by the ocean. Or call me on the phone. Or just leave a message. I highly doubt anyone reads this anymore, anyway. But there is just something to knowing that my feelings are out there. Available to anyone who is interested.
The things that go through your head when you don't have cable...