Dreaming ways to keep the good alive.
Lyns asked me about it today so i told her the whole story. Repeating the story to myself reminded me of the sadness but i felt rather silly about it. How did i get here? It just sad how the one thing that i thought would never go wrong (yes, some delusion i know. still, perfect), albeit was already wrong in itself, had just totally screwed up into a clump of mess i can barely figure out. Ive asked enough questions, sought enough advice, but i reckon it's just gna be one of those things in life that i'll never figure out. Bringing it up again just makes me feel like screaming, i used to feel like crying, but now the feeling's changing. I feel exasperated. Like what john wrote on one of his posts; we all get tired of waiting, but the thing is, we'll never stop waiting. Besides, the start to my summer's told me there's nth to wait for. It feels like im reading a book with no ending, when reading's already a chore to me. This is a really weird feeling, a little bit of sadness, anger, frustration, bitterness and crankiness but most of all i feel really jaded. I wish i could confess all of this just to find out im not the only one feeling this way, that'll be such a consolation. At least if im crazy ive got a buddy, noone wants to be lonely right?