end up like a dog that's been beat too much...
I had a great night last night, til the end, but that was just the alcohol taking effect. But, you know, no biggie... I read this entry I will post below that I wrote a few nights ago, but never put up in this forum, but I will do so now... Brought a smile to my face and slapped that mopey face off... Maybe, I'm moving away from the insane amount of Jenn-therapy I take, but I doubt it...
How am I feeling today? I could work an easier job for the amount of money I make, but I don’t. I could go to a more “fun” college, and vice versa. Maybe that’s not true, maybe I am where I am supposed to be. Maybe what I am doing with my friends now is what I consider to be fun. I believe that for the most part my friends are comfortable with me as I am now, but I’m not. I feel unconfident, I feel insecure, and whenever I am trying to impress someone, male or female, old or young, I feel like they can smell the desperation. I think most of my friends have it better than me, I’m slowly learning that this is essentially horseshit and simply untrue, but occasionally I allow it to drag me down, even if it is an affectation I’ve created in my head.
So, why don’t I do something about it? I won’t and can’t. I’ve carved this easy little niche for myself, and any attempt to destroy it or change it would be just too much. I don’t want people to read this as a depressing entry, because it’s really not. I just wish I had the will power to change things in my life that are less than perfect. I know that I can’t and won’t ever live a “perfect” life. I know that that is an unattainable goal. For example, if I were rich and powerful, I would paranoid about the way people treated me, friends, family, co-workers, as if they wanted something from me. I digress, I wish that I at least strived for greatness and/or a perfectly complacent life. I’m looking for that dare to be great situation, or at least I have adopted that motto, but I ain’t trying to hard. I just sort assume, as I’m sure all too many college students do that when I get out of college, I’ll change completely, find a career that suits me, and live my life.
I should clarify. I do not want the Red Sox to miss out on the postseason. But, last year, when they won it all, obviously, it was hell for me. I was extremely busy for the whole month of October and I never saw my friends. I don’t want to go through that again. But, for the Red Sox, I probably would. So, Go Sox, it’s going to be a dogfight with the Yankees the rest of the way, and I look forward to every minute of it…
I think a long, “profound” entry like this calls for a mixtape… I’m not upset, but I’m not happy. I just am… I want to LOVE life… I want to take the steps to make it happen… More music is needed…
“Profound” Mix
1. Oasis- Don’t Look Back In Anger
2. Creedence Clearwater Revival- Have You Ever Seen The Rain?
3. DJ H-Tek ft. Talib Kweli and DCQ- Get Back Part II
4. De La Soul- Oooh
5. Brian Eno- Here He Comes
6. DJ Babu ft. Dilated Peoples, Souls of Mischief and Pep Love- Center of Attention
7. The Flaming Lips- Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots Pt. 1
8. Operation Ivy- Big City
9. Bruce Springsteen- My Hometown (Live)
10. Slapstick- There’s A Metal Head in the Parking Lot
11. Sage Francis- Escape Artist
12. Jay-Z ft. Blackstreet- The City is Mine
13. Beastie Boys- She’s On It
14. The Game- Put You On The Game
Good, now I can take a shower and get the alcohol out of my system... And watch some RED SOX BASEBALL...
9 LEFT... ONE BACK ON THE YANKEES...
How am I feeling today? I could work an easier job for the amount of money I make, but I don’t. I could go to a more “fun” college, and vice versa. Maybe that’s not true, maybe I am where I am supposed to be. Maybe what I am doing with my friends now is what I consider to be fun. I believe that for the most part my friends are comfortable with me as I am now, but I’m not. I feel unconfident, I feel insecure, and whenever I am trying to impress someone, male or female, old or young, I feel like they can smell the desperation. I think most of my friends have it better than me, I’m slowly learning that this is essentially horseshit and simply untrue, but occasionally I allow it to drag me down, even if it is an affectation I’ve created in my head.
So, why don’t I do something about it? I won’t and can’t. I’ve carved this easy little niche for myself, and any attempt to destroy it or change it would be just too much. I don’t want people to read this as a depressing entry, because it’s really not. I just wish I had the will power to change things in my life that are less than perfect. I know that I can’t and won’t ever live a “perfect” life. I know that that is an unattainable goal. For example, if I were rich and powerful, I would paranoid about the way people treated me, friends, family, co-workers, as if they wanted something from me. I digress, I wish that I at least strived for greatness and/or a perfectly complacent life. I’m looking for that dare to be great situation, or at least I have adopted that motto, but I ain’t trying to hard. I just sort assume, as I’m sure all too many college students do that when I get out of college, I’ll change completely, find a career that suits me, and live my life.
I should clarify. I do not want the Red Sox to miss out on the postseason. But, last year, when they won it all, obviously, it was hell for me. I was extremely busy for the whole month of October and I never saw my friends. I don’t want to go through that again. But, for the Red Sox, I probably would. So, Go Sox, it’s going to be a dogfight with the Yankees the rest of the way, and I look forward to every minute of it…
I think a long, “profound” entry like this calls for a mixtape… I’m not upset, but I’m not happy. I just am… I want to LOVE life… I want to take the steps to make it happen… More music is needed…
“Profound” Mix
1. Oasis- Don’t Look Back In Anger
2. Creedence Clearwater Revival- Have You Ever Seen The Rain?
3. DJ H-Tek ft. Talib Kweli and DCQ- Get Back Part II
4. De La Soul- Oooh
5. Brian Eno- Here He Comes
6. DJ Babu ft. Dilated Peoples, Souls of Mischief and Pep Love- Center of Attention
7. The Flaming Lips- Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots Pt. 1
8. Operation Ivy- Big City
9. Bruce Springsteen- My Hometown (Live)
10. Slapstick- There’s A Metal Head in the Parking Lot
11. Sage Francis- Escape Artist
12. Jay-Z ft. Blackstreet- The City is Mine
13. Beastie Boys- She’s On It
14. The Game- Put You On The Game
Good, now I can take a shower and get the alcohol out of my system... And watch some RED SOX BASEBALL...
9 LEFT... ONE BACK ON THE YANKEES...