hmmmmm
No I didn't stay up straight til 620am like some insomniacs out there...but the heater sure got hot, so I woke up a while ago, and probably would've gone back to sleep but got a text from buttman annnnd now I'm here. Awake. At 621am now. Boooo.
On a less corny note..my cousin informed me yesterday that my grandma..well..my grandma's youngest sister died last-last night. Pancreatic cancer. I'm one of those people who has yet to have someone ultra-close to me die yet, and this is the closest thus far. A few years back my grandpa on my dad's side beat cancer...something I only really realized lately. Guess I was too young to understand at the time. About a month or so ago, a not-so-close aunt (notsoclose by family relation as well as relationship-wise) died of cancer as well. Kinda scary eh? The women in my family tree. Yikes. But upon hearing about my grandma's sister yesterday..I wasn't sure how to react..for though I knew her, I didn't know her well..but well enough to know she's one of those people in my life whom I never experienced any kind of anger or negative feeling from...always a kind eye. Didn't get to see her often in the latter half of my life because her and her husband moved to socal..but she was a constant presence in the past.
Anyway, this isn't a pity party for me. Just letting my thoughts out. Those of you who pray, I would ask you to please pray for her soul.
If I'm gone this weekend I'll be back on sunday. But I dunno. I'm not a funeral person..but if my presence is requested then I shall go.
...
I think I don't fear death. Well my own death anyway. I do fear losing people I love though...
and if in the past, far or recent, we've had our misunderstandings, and you're reading this..know that even if we don't talk anymore..I only wish you the best.
------annnyway. I'll let you guys know if I'll be gone south friday/saturday.
so yeah..this is one of those wakeup call type moments. I'm not sad. A little mellowed out by thinking a lot...but not sad. She's in a better place says my cousin. Whether you believe that or not is up to you. But what is true though, is that she's free from her physical suffering..and I'll drink to that.
On a less corny note..my cousin informed me yesterday that my grandma..well..my grandma's youngest sister died last-last night. Pancreatic cancer. I'm one of those people who has yet to have someone ultra-close to me die yet, and this is the closest thus far. A few years back my grandpa on my dad's side beat cancer...something I only really realized lately. Guess I was too young to understand at the time. About a month or so ago, a not-so-close aunt (notsoclose by family relation as well as relationship-wise) died of cancer as well. Kinda scary eh? The women in my family tree. Yikes. But upon hearing about my grandma's sister yesterday..I wasn't sure how to react..for though I knew her, I didn't know her well..but well enough to know she's one of those people in my life whom I never experienced any kind of anger or negative feeling from...always a kind eye. Didn't get to see her often in the latter half of my life because her and her husband moved to socal..but she was a constant presence in the past.
Anyway, this isn't a pity party for me. Just letting my thoughts out. Those of you who pray, I would ask you to please pray for her soul.
If I'm gone this weekend I'll be back on sunday. But I dunno. I'm not a funeral person..but if my presence is requested then I shall go.
...
I think I don't fear death. Well my own death anyway. I do fear losing people I love though...
and if in the past, far or recent, we've had our misunderstandings, and you're reading this..know that even if we don't talk anymore..I only wish you the best.
------annnyway. I'll let you guys know if I'll be gone south friday/saturday.
so yeah..this is one of those wakeup call type moments. I'm not sad. A little mellowed out by thinking a lot...but not sad. She's in a better place says my cousin. Whether you believe that or not is up to you. But what is true though, is that she's free from her physical suffering..and I'll drink to that.