An update kiddo's:
Things I recently regret:
1) Missing Grant and Tina's wedding. (I know you read this Tina, so here is my formal apology for being whack). I don't know what kind of joke the universe was playing on me to give me three frickin finals on that day, but I really felt like saying "fuck it", hitching a ride with Shaun and just going. It would have meant a lot to me to see you guys finally do it. How weird is all that jazz though? My first love (like true, powerful ridiculous love) Grant, and Tina, my amatuer therapist got married. It seems much more official to me than having babies together and living together for years.
2) Apologizing to Jen's mother for the state of my ghetto neighborhood when she came to pick me up in her Lexus. I CAN'T STAND doing that shit. I've got this weird complex where I apologize for being so poor/inferior, or for having dog hair on the living room floor, or explaining why my mother is passed out by 8pm. I apologize when I take off my shirt for having less than perfect breasts, and a belly. I apologize to the person I am at the beach with because I don't look fantastic in a bathing suit. I apologized to the guy giving me a pedicure (that I saved up for weeks for) because my feet were callused. I didn't mention the fact that I spent 30 minutes trying to get them to be decent before I even went in. I walk miles everyday in flip flops. Of course my feet are callused.
Why do I do that?
I should have fucking said to Jen's mom, "yeah, this is the house I grew up in. I'm really proud of my mother for owning a home and raising four kids all by herself. I'm really proud that after my dad died, my mother got it together, and instead of moving every 6 months to a new shitty duplex, she managed to keep us in one place for 14 years." Shit.
I'm proud of having a home of our own. Why do I fucking call it "Little Tijuana", and give a condescending laugh when I see all the drunk people walking around. Why do I blush? They are probably drunk because they busted their ass working for less than minimum wage all fucking day, and want a drink to numb them from the misery that is their life in this friggin country.
I'm so disgusted with myself for doing that.
____________
On a positive note, things are going great with Alex. We have little stupid arguments, and I find myself creating most of them because I am just waiting for this to turn to shit, and sometimes I just want to get it over with.
But.....mostly I hope we stay together for a long time. Because I really love him.
1) Missing Grant and Tina's wedding. (I know you read this Tina, so here is my formal apology for being whack). I don't know what kind of joke the universe was playing on me to give me three frickin finals on that day, but I really felt like saying "fuck it", hitching a ride with Shaun and just going. It would have meant a lot to me to see you guys finally do it. How weird is all that jazz though? My first love (like true, powerful ridiculous love) Grant, and Tina, my amatuer therapist got married. It seems much more official to me than having babies together and living together for years.
2) Apologizing to Jen's mother for the state of my ghetto neighborhood when she came to pick me up in her Lexus. I CAN'T STAND doing that shit. I've got this weird complex where I apologize for being so poor/inferior, or for having dog hair on the living room floor, or explaining why my mother is passed out by 8pm. I apologize when I take off my shirt for having less than perfect breasts, and a belly. I apologize to the person I am at the beach with because I don't look fantastic in a bathing suit. I apologized to the guy giving me a pedicure (that I saved up for weeks for) because my feet were callused. I didn't mention the fact that I spent 30 minutes trying to get them to be decent before I even went in. I walk miles everyday in flip flops. Of course my feet are callused.
Why do I do that?
I should have fucking said to Jen's mom, "yeah, this is the house I grew up in. I'm really proud of my mother for owning a home and raising four kids all by herself. I'm really proud that after my dad died, my mother got it together, and instead of moving every 6 months to a new shitty duplex, she managed to keep us in one place for 14 years." Shit.
I'm proud of having a home of our own. Why do I fucking call it "Little Tijuana", and give a condescending laugh when I see all the drunk people walking around. Why do I blush? They are probably drunk because they busted their ass working for less than minimum wage all fucking day, and want a drink to numb them from the misery that is their life in this friggin country.
I'm so disgusted with myself for doing that.
____________
On a positive note, things are going great with Alex. We have little stupid arguments, and I find myself creating most of them because I am just waiting for this to turn to shit, and sometimes I just want to get it over with.
But.....mostly I hope we stay together for a long time. Because I really love him.