3AM Eternal
I don't really have a reason for writing. I just decided I would. Right now. At 3AM.
1. I'm really into the change of the seasons. It makes me ridiculously happy for no reason. Seasons changing gives me these vague blissful memories from when I was younger that I don't think exist. It's as if every season change reminds me of that same point in ever other year. Strange.
2. I still miss Ohio- that's what I get for being a townie. Am I going to turn back into a NYCer at some point? I think I just can't feel like an adult when my parents are so nearby.
3. BRAINS!
I'm still in hiding mode. I thought I was getting a little better, but I would still much rather hide at home by myself than socialize. Socializing: too hard and draining. It's not like I don't have tons to do at home. It just seems like I should rather want to go to a party (1/5 hours away, thrown by my coworker, with people I'm not friends with) rather than stay home doing laundry and watching movies. But that's how it goes. These hibernating periods usually go away eventually. Not without pissing off a lot of friends first though. I think this tendency might have screwed things up with a girl I like. Le sigh.
Things are weird, but then again, when aren't they. I'm back on the medication merry go round, and the hypochondria is reaching charming new heights. All my blood tests came back normal though, so it's probably all in my head. Or cancer. Still on the Wellbutrin, which is pretty unnoticeable at this point, and got a new set of doctors that I really like. Unfortunately, they gave me something new to try that I had an absolutely terrifying bad reaction to, in full color and 3-d and everything. Sort of a 24 hour cross between a panic attack and food poisoning. Yikes. Did I mention the absolutely terrifying part? And that many people do mind altering drugs for fun? ...yeah. So no more of that one. The newest new addition in pills is still a work in progress, as even half a pill is borderline too much. I have a funny brain. We'll see how the two meds play together in about 10 days. At least I'm not currently batshit insane. I was reading some old journal entries earlier and I was completely, utterly insane. So I am definitely an improvement at the moment.
Though right now, my emotions are bizarrely close to the surface, it's very strange, and I don't know if it's the meds or just my fucked up state of mind. I can cry at the drop of a hat, which is odd yet amusing. Examples being:
-I tear up when I look at a sad newspaper article at work. Okay, understandable, war is sad.
-I teared up when I was watching Overboard with Leslie last weekend. Okay, cheesy climax to a cheesy movie, that's just me being a sap.
-I teared up watching a Dr. Who fanvid a few days ago. Um. I don't watch the show. (It was an internet hole from looking up suits) I didn't really have much of an idea of what or who was going on in said video. I watched the video again yesterday and I teared up AGAIN.
-I teared up on the subway when I remembered that scene in the Dark Knight where the convict boat chooses not to blow up the other boat. I teared up. In a public place. From a memory of a scene from an action movie based on a comic book. WTF?!
4. Lastly, my favorite web comic characters made an appearance!
http://www.qwantz.com/archive/001462.html
<3 Cephalopods + Raccoons 4EVER <3
5. PRETTY QUOTE:
"I think there is choice possible to us at any moment, as long as we live. But there is no sacrifice. There is a choice, and the rest falls away. Second choice does not exist. Beware of those who talk about sacrifice."
-Muriel Rukeyser, The Life of Poetry
Verrry interesting. I want to try to live my life like that.
EDIT: Dr. Who fanvid still possesses the tearing up magic! Woo hoo!
1. I'm really into the change of the seasons. It makes me ridiculously happy for no reason. Seasons changing gives me these vague blissful memories from when I was younger that I don't think exist. It's as if every season change reminds me of that same point in ever other year. Strange.
2. I still miss Ohio- that's what I get for being a townie. Am I going to turn back into a NYCer at some point? I think I just can't feel like an adult when my parents are so nearby.
3. BRAINS!
I'm still in hiding mode. I thought I was getting a little better, but I would still much rather hide at home by myself than socialize. Socializing: too hard and draining. It's not like I don't have tons to do at home. It just seems like I should rather want to go to a party (1/5 hours away, thrown by my coworker, with people I'm not friends with) rather than stay home doing laundry and watching movies. But that's how it goes. These hibernating periods usually go away eventually. Not without pissing off a lot of friends first though. I think this tendency might have screwed things up with a girl I like. Le sigh.
Things are weird, but then again, when aren't they. I'm back on the medication merry go round, and the hypochondria is reaching charming new heights. All my blood tests came back normal though, so it's probably all in my head. Or cancer. Still on the Wellbutrin, which is pretty unnoticeable at this point, and got a new set of doctors that I really like. Unfortunately, they gave me something new to try that I had an absolutely terrifying bad reaction to, in full color and 3-d and everything. Sort of a 24 hour cross between a panic attack and food poisoning. Yikes. Did I mention the absolutely terrifying part? And that many people do mind altering drugs for fun? ...yeah. So no more of that one. The newest new addition in pills is still a work in progress, as even half a pill is borderline too much. I have a funny brain. We'll see how the two meds play together in about 10 days. At least I'm not currently batshit insane. I was reading some old journal entries earlier and I was completely, utterly insane. So I am definitely an improvement at the moment.
Though right now, my emotions are bizarrely close to the surface, it's very strange, and I don't know if it's the meds or just my fucked up state of mind. I can cry at the drop of a hat, which is odd yet amusing. Examples being:
-I tear up when I look at a sad newspaper article at work. Okay, understandable, war is sad.
-I teared up when I was watching Overboard with Leslie last weekend. Okay, cheesy climax to a cheesy movie, that's just me being a sap.
-I teared up watching a Dr. Who fanvid a few days ago. Um. I don't watch the show. (It was an internet hole from looking up suits) I didn't really have much of an idea of what or who was going on in said video. I watched the video again yesterday and I teared up AGAIN.
-I teared up on the subway when I remembered that scene in the Dark Knight where the convict boat chooses not to blow up the other boat. I teared up. In a public place. From a memory of a scene from an action movie based on a comic book. WTF?!
4. Lastly, my favorite web comic characters made an appearance!
http://www.qwantz.com/archive/001462.html
<3 Cephalopods + Raccoons 4EVER <3
5. PRETTY QUOTE:
"I think there is choice possible to us at any moment, as long as we live. But there is no sacrifice. There is a choice, and the rest falls away. Second choice does not exist. Beware of those who talk about sacrifice."
-Muriel Rukeyser, The Life of Poetry
Verrry interesting. I want to try to live my life like that.
EDIT: Dr. Who fanvid still possesses the tearing up magic! Woo hoo!