the obligatory dreams post
sudden, persistent urge to listen to sarah mclachlan. sarah mclachlan, the music of break ups and suicide. except that im not particularly sad, just have the urge to hear "building a mystery" over and over. and then i want to vid to it. an andrew vid. it'd be funny. yes, im going crazy. "building a mystery" and "london calling"(tha album. yes, capitals aren't necessary tonight). last week it was "mechanical animals". sigh. crazy. im going crazy. oh, and i dreamed about that boy for the first time. it was a very strange dream, involving sections with v, and connor (separately). it was a happy, sort of wistful dream along the lines of my spaceworld dream, though i get the feeling that that dream never made it into this diary. i got to chill with connor in a close friendly way, there was some oddly sweet, laid back, friendly shippiness with that boy, and then there was a scene with connor and v. (and then there was a whole bunch of weirdness, but i don't really remember it, so it wasn't that important. it involved, in no particular order, water, my(non-existant) sister, a package, and an evil queen type) The only thing that bothered me is my eternal guilt in my dreams that i'm cheating on v. The only time this doesn't happen is when I'm not me in my dreams. I suppose this means something profound that I can't possibly comprehend. Heh. Then there was last night- which I feel involved v but I can't remember the details (and tasti d, again, but no counterfeit bills, as far as I remember), but I keep on getting the feeling that in a lot of these dreams v blends and blurs with other people that I can never remember- perhaps a bizarre mix of tischler and silvie and connor. Or something. But the point was that I seduced Rob Lowe (considerably older than me, I should point out), screwed him good and proper, and the whole time I was hoping this was really a dream or else I'd be f*cked, and not in the way that I was engaging in. Can't even enjoy my dream sex. sigh. But then later I was S. (but again, I point out there were no counterfeit bills, I swear, with all the memory tripping) and I was hopelessly in love with B., and then later I think I was B. hopelessly in love with S., but the point is that we were all sweetness and light and there was no guilty feelings. sigh. odd. but probably not. It's too bad I can't get to that point where you control your dreams. I would really love a slew of being S. with perhaps a side of bonding with that boy. I'm telling you, it was mostly vague cuddliness on a bus seat and a bit of guilt, But still supernice. comfortable, sweet, companionable. And later I got to sit in connor's lap and play with his hair- it was like a HOM closeness. Like we'd gone to hs together. Crap, I'm gonna miss that boy. That boy as in connor, not as in "that boy". Geez, my euphemisms are making writing this harder and harder. Bah.