Meme: Because you can never have too many ways to procrastinate
Stolen from lots of people:
Comment here and ask me ANYTHING about any fandom I'm involved in/have been involved in. Controversial or innocent, silly or serious, ask and you'll get my honest opinion on the subject [to the best of my knowledge/ability].
General fandom questions are also allowed, but nothing about actual people IN fandom, please.
Comment here and ask me ANYTHING about any fandom I'm involved in/have been involved in. Controversial or innocent, silly or serious, ask and you'll get my honest opinion on the subject [to the best of my knowledge/ability].
General fandom questions are also allowed, but nothing about actual people IN fandom, please.
Angel leaned in the doorway with his arms crossed and asked, “what were you expecting?”
This is not the first time Angel’s been in literal hell and he’s used to choking on memory. He’s used to paying for his choices. (He’s used to his friends paying for them, and that’s the worst part of this. Wes talks like this is something that should have been anticipated. Angel never wanted that, and he feels guilty for the inevitability).
They stay in the offices and pretend like they trust each other and they never, ever say Gunn’s name. They can still say Fred’s though, can still hold her up like a talisman and pretend that feels honest.
Wesley has always had his reasons.
Angel has always had his reasons, and his excuses.
“Excuses for suicide,” Spike says, whenever he shows up, which is always when he’s least expected. (Some things never change.)
He smokes a lot and sneers a lot, and won’t tell Angel where he goes. Angel is used to Spike not trusting him, to not trusting Spike, to them not trusting each other because they’ve never had a reason to. (That isn’t true objectively, but things are only as true as you allow them to be, here. He has to believe the things that let him endure.)
Spike is not taking this well; (he has choices of his own to pay for). “You raised your hand first,” Angel says, like an accusation, like that matters, like he expected Spike to expect this. Spike is whims and impulses and sharp edged defenses, but he’s bad at acceptance. Spike’s resilience has nothing to do with reconciliation. Angel never understood that and he always forgets it until he’s confronted with it again.
Spike shrugs, asks, “did you see this coming?” like he’s honestly curious and doesn’t already know, which is a lie. They lie to each other so much when they’re using words. That’s why Angel would rather not be talking.
They’re harsh with each other when they fuck; they leave each other bloody and bruised, (and that’s not real either, not anymore, but neither of them could withstand gentleness and they understand that too. It’s not a lie, it’s a concession).
Spike is every contradiction in Angel’s life - He’s the only one Angel’s never been able to break; he’s the one Angel (Angelus) tried the hardest to shatter.
Wesley’s eyes are dull and sardonically amused and there’s nothing left in Wes that’s whole. The others are echoes, and Angel tries not to let down his guard enough to mourn them. There’s not enough time for that now.
But Spike’s defiance is real, a constant irritation and relief and Angel leaves as many marks as he can on Spike’s skin; he needs assurance of Spike immunity.
He doesn’t know what Spike needs. And Spike is always gone in the morning.
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Spike is whims and impulses and sharp edged defenses, but he’s bad at acceptance. Spike’s resilience has nothing to do with reconciliation.
Fantastic character insight.
But Spike’s defiance is real, a constant irritation and relief and Angel leaves as many marks as he can on Spike’s skin; he needs assurance of Spike immunity.
He doesn’t know what Spike needs. And Spike is always gone in the morning.
OH. My heart!!!
You couldn't write them badly if you tried. I hope you make more. <333
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I like it better when you write them, though. You can write them not all broken. In my head, they're always all broken.
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