calm
The other night I was really feeling like shit, but I called home today and my feeling of isolation isnts as strong as it was. I guess I was really feeling trapped since I thougtht my family was going to be in Mexico for chrismas and airfare from Korea to Mexico is 2500 big ones. Hell for curiosity's sake I checked for the price from Japan and it was 1800. Giving me for reason to feel bad for being here instead of Japan. but I digress, now that I know my family will stay in cali I can afford to go home for the holidays. I dont mean to sound like money was an issue but 2500 is 2 paychecks, a whole months work! I really apoligize for also sending out messages to ppl while I was feeling sorry for myself. Its just, I'm tired of starting from scratch every few years. when I finally have friends that I can trust, I have to leave them behind. This is the third time. And its become the hardest. I get too atached to the ppl I care for and never stop caring, if they dont care or remember. but shit its not like I'm the only one. Everybody has to leave behind there HS friends, then their college friends. so I guess I'm just following a set path the millions of others have wlked ane are currently traversing. But I went so long without any friends that letting ppl go have bet really hard on me. I hope you all dont think less of me, but hey I know I'm not the only one that feels this way, I know many of you relate.