The Angel and the Devil
TITLE: The Angel and the Devil
AUTHOR: redblonde7
RECIPIENT: tigerm
GENRE: Friendship/Humour
RATINGS/WARNINGS: 12, swearing
SUMMARY: Tony meets America's new friend, the unicorn. He is not impressed.
NOTES: Thanks to teddybearofdork and stardust_bell for beta reading. I'm having major trouble with LJ at the moment, so please forgive any missing letters, missing punctuations and spacing errors that happen. I'm sorry if this is hard to read.
"What's this?" Tony asked, eyeing the creature suspiciously. America looked dewy-eyed and lovesick and that just made Tony even more wary.
"It's a unicorn," America said happily. The beast was staring at Tony and he did not like the look in its eye at all but America seemed to be too gaga over it to notice. "England gave it to me."
"That fucking limey?" Tony glared at the unicorn. Oh, he definitely did not like it at all. He did not trust that limey and he definitely did not trust any present that came from him. The unicorn stared back with what seemed like a superior look on its face. America reached a hand out to the unicorn, missed then tried again and managed to pat him on the back.
Tony's words at least seemed to have knocked the stupid look off his face. "Don't call him that, Tony. I don't like my friends being mean to each other."
Tony rolled his eyes and looked away from the unicorn. It was still staring at him and even though Tony wouldn't admit it, he was getting a little unnerved. The beast would not stop staring at him and it was really creeping him out. He should have known that only England would send a creepy unicorn to America. Like he didn't creep enough around America as it was.
"So, what are you going to do with it? Are you going to send it back with a letter around its neck saying 'nice try, you fucking bastard'?" Tony asked hopefully. That was what he would do. America stared at him in surprise and Tony wanted to feel guilty about it but the unicorn was still staring at him. "Would you quit it?" He snapped and the unicorn blinked in reply.
"Are you talking to me?" America asked uncertainly and Tony cursed.
"I'm talking about the freaking unicorn. It won't stop staring at me." Tony eyed the creature with dislike. It thought it was so clever with its long eyelashes and innocent-looking expression. How could the unicorn even have an expression? It was a horse! A horse that had been made all pretty but still a horse.
"Does it?" America asked curiously and Tony gave him a look as if to say, 'Of course it is, you idiot, look at it'. America shrugged. "I can't see it so you'll have to tell me what it wants."
America looked delighted at this turn of events but Tony was already shaking his head. No way was he going to be translator for a unicorn. America was his friend and all but he was quite happy to leave the unicorn's presence and never see it again.
"You can't keep it," Tony insisted but America was already staring at the unicorn. Or rather he was staring two feet above the unicorn's head in the mistaken impression that he was staring right at the unicorn.
"I'm going to have to name him. It would have to be something really cool and awesome."
"You called your whale, 'Whale'," Tony pointed out, unable to resist. It was a good thing he had already had a name when he met America otherwise he shuddered to think what America would have come up with.
"Details, details," America said, waving his hand in dismissal. "What about Lincoln?"
"You're going to name a unicorn after one of your presidents?" A voice came from behind America and the three of them (including the unicorn, thank fuck) had turned to see who it was. England, still looking as smug and superior as ever, the unicorn had to get it from somewhere after all, was standing the doorway.
Tony had been thinking that exact same question but no way was he ever going to admit that he had any of the same thoughts as that bastard. The unicorn trotted up to the limey, looking happy and almost skipping. England greeted the unicorn with a smile and even America looked happy to see England.
"Oh, it's you," Tony said, sneering and England's head came up sharply to stare at Tony, a matching sneer on his face. America was completely oblivious and was clumsily stroking the unicorn.
"Is she happy here, England? Can you tell?" England tore his gaze away from Tony (ha! That means he won the staring contest) and looked at America with a disgustingly soppy look on his face. It looked like he almost cared for America. Ridiculous.
"Yes. She likes you, America. As long as you look after her properly, I think she'll continue to stay here whether you can see her or not." America looked reassured while Tony cursed to himself as he realised that the fucking unicorn was staying.
Fuck.
As if hearing his thoughts, the unicorn moved away from America gently as he talked to England about the proper care of unicorns, before charging at Tony with its head down, the horn coming straight at Tony's eye level. Tony yelled (he did not shriek) and dodged out of the way but not before the unicorn spun around and lashed out hard with its back hooves. It missed Tony by an inch but did not renew its attack, instead, walking back to England as calmly as it pleased.
"Tony? What's wrong?" Tony pointed at the unicorn that was now receiving a pat from England. The unicorn was evil, he knew it!
"That beast attacked me!" America looked worried, looking between Tony and the unicorn in concern.
"What? Why?"
"He didn't attack," the limey lied, right to America's face, "he just rushed at Tony. His thoughts must have upset him in some way."
"My thoughts?" Tony asked. "That fucking animal attacked me because I was thinking something it didn't like?" England frowned and the unicorn's head swivelled around to stare at Tony. He was not going to admit it but that scared him just a little.
"It must have been quite offensive. Unicorns don't usually try and scare people like that." England frowned and stroked the top of the unicorn's head.
"So, you admit it almost fucking killed me?" Tony said triumphantly and England glared at him. Well, fuck you, limey bastard.
"If it wanted to kill you, you would be dead," England said coolly. "Unicorns have great strength and speed in them. He could gouge you with his horn and you would not even realise until after the fact."
"Woah," America said, staring at England and then the unicorn. "Unicorns are badass."
Tony glared at the unicorn. It seemed like he had a new rival for America's friendship. He would get rid of it somehow and if it meant getting rid of the limey bastard as well, even better.
The unicorn stared back and Tony could almost see that it had accepted his challenge. This was gonna be fun
AUTHOR: redblonde7
RECIPIENT: tigerm
GENRE: Friendship/Humour
RATINGS/WARNINGS: 12, swearing
SUMMARY: Tony meets America's new friend, the unicorn. He is not impressed.
NOTES: Thanks to teddybearofdork and stardust_bell for beta reading. I'm having major trouble with LJ at the moment, so please forgive any missing letters, missing punctuations and spacing errors that happen. I'm sorry if this is hard to read.
"What's this?" Tony asked, eyeing the creature suspiciously. America looked dewy-eyed and lovesick and that just made Tony even more wary.
"It's a unicorn," America said happily. The beast was staring at Tony and he did not like the look in its eye at all but America seemed to be too gaga over it to notice. "England gave it to me."
"That fucking limey?" Tony glared at the unicorn. Oh, he definitely did not like it at all. He did not trust that limey and he definitely did not trust any present that came from him. The unicorn stared back with what seemed like a superior look on its face. America reached a hand out to the unicorn, missed then tried again and managed to pat him on the back.
Tony's words at least seemed to have knocked the stupid look off his face. "Don't call him that, Tony. I don't like my friends being mean to each other."
Tony rolled his eyes and looked away from the unicorn. It was still staring at him and even though Tony wouldn't admit it, he was getting a little unnerved. The beast would not stop staring at him and it was really creeping him out. He should have known that only England would send a creepy unicorn to America. Like he didn't creep enough around America as it was.
"So, what are you going to do with it? Are you going to send it back with a letter around its neck saying 'nice try, you fucking bastard'?" Tony asked hopefully. That was what he would do. America stared at him in surprise and Tony wanted to feel guilty about it but the unicorn was still staring at him. "Would you quit it?" He snapped and the unicorn blinked in reply.
"Are you talking to me?" America asked uncertainly and Tony cursed.
"I'm talking about the freaking unicorn. It won't stop staring at me." Tony eyed the creature with dislike. It thought it was so clever with its long eyelashes and innocent-looking expression. How could the unicorn even have an expression? It was a horse! A horse that had been made all pretty but still a horse.
"Does it?" America asked curiously and Tony gave him a look as if to say, 'Of course it is, you idiot, look at it'. America shrugged. "I can't see it so you'll have to tell me what it wants."
America looked delighted at this turn of events but Tony was already shaking his head. No way was he going to be translator for a unicorn. America was his friend and all but he was quite happy to leave the unicorn's presence and never see it again.
"You can't keep it," Tony insisted but America was already staring at the unicorn. Or rather he was staring two feet above the unicorn's head in the mistaken impression that he was staring right at the unicorn.
"I'm going to have to name him. It would have to be something really cool and awesome."
"You called your whale, 'Whale'," Tony pointed out, unable to resist. It was a good thing he had already had a name when he met America otherwise he shuddered to think what America would have come up with.
"Details, details," America said, waving his hand in dismissal. "What about Lincoln?"
"You're going to name a unicorn after one of your presidents?" A voice came from behind America and the three of them (including the unicorn, thank fuck) had turned to see who it was. England, still looking as smug and superior as ever, the unicorn had to get it from somewhere after all, was standing the doorway.
Tony had been thinking that exact same question but no way was he ever going to admit that he had any of the same thoughts as that bastard. The unicorn trotted up to the limey, looking happy and almost skipping. England greeted the unicorn with a smile and even America looked happy to see England.
"Oh, it's you," Tony said, sneering and England's head came up sharply to stare at Tony, a matching sneer on his face. America was completely oblivious and was clumsily stroking the unicorn.
"Is she happy here, England? Can you tell?" England tore his gaze away from Tony (ha! That means he won the staring contest) and looked at America with a disgustingly soppy look on his face. It looked like he almost cared for America. Ridiculous.
"Yes. She likes you, America. As long as you look after her properly, I think she'll continue to stay here whether you can see her or not." America looked reassured while Tony cursed to himself as he realised that the fucking unicorn was staying.
Fuck.
As if hearing his thoughts, the unicorn moved away from America gently as he talked to England about the proper care of unicorns, before charging at Tony with its head down, the horn coming straight at Tony's eye level. Tony yelled (he did not shriek) and dodged out of the way but not before the unicorn spun around and lashed out hard with its back hooves. It missed Tony by an inch but did not renew its attack, instead, walking back to England as calmly as it pleased.
"Tony? What's wrong?" Tony pointed at the unicorn that was now receiving a pat from England. The unicorn was evil, he knew it!
"That beast attacked me!" America looked worried, looking between Tony and the unicorn in concern.
"What? Why?"
"He didn't attack," the limey lied, right to America's face, "he just rushed at Tony. His thoughts must have upset him in some way."
"My thoughts?" Tony asked. "That fucking animal attacked me because I was thinking something it didn't like?" England frowned and the unicorn's head swivelled around to stare at Tony. He was not going to admit it but that scared him just a little.
"It must have been quite offensive. Unicorns don't usually try and scare people like that." England frowned and stroked the top of the unicorn's head.
"So, you admit it almost fucking killed me?" Tony said triumphantly and England glared at him. Well, fuck you, limey bastard.
"If it wanted to kill you, you would be dead," England said coolly. "Unicorns have great strength and speed in them. He could gouge you with his horn and you would not even realise until after the fact."
"Woah," America said, staring at England and then the unicorn. "Unicorns are badass."
Tony glared at the unicorn. It seemed like he had a new rival for America's friendship. He would get rid of it somehow and if it meant getting rid of the limey bastard as well, even better.
The unicorn stared back and Tony could almost see that it had accepted his challenge. This was gonna be fun