Between Dreams and Nightmares
Title: Between Dreams and Nightmares
Genre: Friendship/Romance/Drama
Pairing(s): USUK
Word Count: 5,293
Rating/Warnings: 15, torture (implied), suicidal thoughts
Summary: Arthur was a squib with a magical best friend. To be part of the magical world was his dream, but not at the expense of everything else. It's a shame that some people don't take no for an answer. Sequel to 'A Foolish Dream' and this will make no sense unless you've read that. Done for the ' Once Upon A Dream' prompt.
Once upon a time, Arthur had a dream. He dreamed that he had the magical gene and he attended Hogwarts, making friends with Alfred and getting into all sorts of trouble with him. He dreamed that he had chosen to walk away that night in the park and never contacted anyone about getting magic. He dreamed that he and Alfred were together, living happily ever after.
But then he would wake up and the dream would be over. And then the nightmare would begin again.
The nightmare would taunt him and speak about how he wanted this to happen, how he wanted magic so badly that he was willing to give up everything else. When he tried to protest, the nightmare would laugh and the pain would start again. Pain like something was being pulled out of him and forced into him at the same time.
Arthur wanted it to stop. He wanted the dream, not the nightmare, but if he could not have the dream, then he would take the darkness.
Sometimes in the nightmare there was familiar voices, just as scared and hurt as he was, and Arthur tried to reach out to them but everything blurred before him and then he would fall into the darkness again. He always woke up, back to the nightmare again. Sometimes he wanted to never wake up, if all he would have was nightmares.
In the nightmare, there were many people there. There were the tormentors that caused Arthur pain when they came, and smiled while doing it. Luckily there seemed to be only two of those. Then there were the others, chained to metal beds just like Arthur. Some screamed, like the old man next to Arthur who had not stopped screaming and crying for cat and some stayed silent, like the woman who had stared at the tormentors with clear, judgemental eyes until the pain broke her.
There was another young man, about Arthur's age, that talked a lot about nonsense things to Arthur, whether he was listening or not. Several times, Arthur had awoken to hear the man talking to him and it made the nightmare slightly more bearable.
One memorable time, Arthur had seen Lukas, strapped to one of the metal beds and looking ill and pale. He had looked at Arthur before turning away, as if in pain. That had made the nightmare worse that day.
There were a lot of things that the nightmare did not have that Arthur missed. He missed his home and the friends he saw during term time, like Matthew and Lukas. He missed the sun, the moon and even the rain. Most of all, he missed Alfred. If the nightmare was right, then he had given up Alfred for magic, then maybe the nightmare was what he deserved.
The young man disagreed with this opinion when he heard about it and Arthur listened to him. He was part of the nightmare, so if he was saying that the other part was lying, then it must be. But if Arthur was not to blame for the nightmare, who was? It certainly was not Alfred, or Matthew, or Toris and no matter how much the man himself seemed to disagree, neither was Lukas.
Was it the tormentors' fault? Or maybe it was the man that Arthur could not categorise, that came into the nightmare and just watched with a blank look on his face?
Finding the question too hard to think about, and not wanting to think about the man, Arthur let the darkness take him again.
***
When he emerged from the darkness, the light behind his eyelids told him that he was in a dream again. Arthur smiled. He liked the dream, everything was pleasant and comforting in the dream. His body never ached and his heart was never pained. Even Lukas and the young man were there in Hogwarts! Lukas was good at Care of Magical Creatures while the young man would find Charms ridiculously easy and would laugh as he performed them.
And beside him through all that, Alfred would be there, ready to help Arthur along.
Arthur opened his eyes, ready to enter the dream world again. It was different somehow, the bed was plain and white, as were the walls, and there was no Alfred around. There was no one around.
This disturbed Arthur because his dreams always started with Alfred right next to him. He might be in the hospital wing in Hogwarts but Alfred would at least be here at the start of the dream before he disappeared to come up with a new prank or a present idea for Arthur. It was different and Arthur did not approve of this difference.
He sat up and froze in place for a second. He felt pain - there was never any pain in his dreams, even after a Quidditch accident. The pain was inside him, as if something was moving inside of him, ready to get out and pain also seared along his back and arms and legs. His head ached but not as much as his chest.
That could only mean one thing - this was a different aspect of the nightmare. It was lulling him into a false sense of security with the light and the comfortable bed, but the pain would continue. Any moment now, one of the tormentors or the watchful, silent man would could that door.
Arthur stared hard at the door, ready for it to open. His survey of the room had showed there was no else there, not even the screaming old man, and his panic reached new heights. As if the thing inside of him was waiting for the panic, it suddenly clawed its way out of Arthur's chest and there was a moment of release.
Straight after that moment, the vase of flowers (false sense of security - nothing else) exploded outwards and Arthur threw up an arm as he protected himself at the shards of glass flying through the air. Something flowed down his cheek and a drop of red appeared on his white top. Noticing his clothes had been changed, Arthur looked down. His trousers and top were white and itchy. They were also clean, something that the nightmare never had.
Arthur's head span as he tried to make sense of this dream-nightmare that he was in. It was different from a nightmare but it was different from a dream and nothing made sense. Why had the vase exploded? Why was the thing in his chest less painful now but he could feel it building again? He lay back down, exhausted by all these questions running through his mind.
The door opened and instinctively, Arthur shut his eyes and feigned sleep.
"Oh, he's exploded the flowers. I'm sorry about that. He doesn't seem to have much control in his sleep, but when he opened his eyes, his control does start to get a little better." There was a sound of glass by his bedside as the unknown woman had obviously reached the vase of flowers.
"So, he has woken up already?" Arthur stiffened at the voice before forcing his body to relax. Matthew was here in the room, why was Matthew in the dream-nightmare (reality)? Arthur quietened his mind. The nightmare was his reality, there was no escaping that.
"Mmm. I wouldn't say woken up. Although there are sparks of recognition, such as with a few of the other patients or your brother, there is never any memory of these encounters and he is not fully coherent. It is coming along every day though and he is keeping his eyes open for longer periods. He is improving, it is just very slow."
"That's good because...." Try as he might, Arthur's hearing dimmed and blackness came over him. This time if provided no relief.
***
The next time Arthur opened his eyes, there was someone by his bedside. No, there were two people. One, the woman from before judging by her voice, was moving around his bed, straightening up his table and taking his pulse while the other was sitting on a chair beside Arthur.
He remembered what happened last time and the vague memories of other times were starting to return. Most of them were blurred confusion and belief that it was still part of the dream, but it was starting to add up. However the person sitting beside his bed was not the person he would expect if this was the dream, considering Toris was not a person he would want to see in it.
Toris looked just as surprised as Arthur felt when he turned his head to look at him.
"Er... Healer, he opened his eyes!" Toris said nervously, drawing the attention of the woman on the other side of Arthur's bed.
"He does that sometimes. We're trying to get him to keep his eyes open for longer so he can start to understand where he is. Normally, we would tell him where he is, who we are and why we're here. You can try that if you like." Arthur would feel irritated about how they were talking over him like he was not even here or conscious but they were about to tell him where this little white room was so he did not protest.
"Okay, okay. I can do that." Toris turned back to Arthur, looking very nervous. Arthur stared, not helping him out at all. Toris was a person that he considered blaming for the nightmare but he had dismissed it as ridiculous. He was a reason he had been out that night, but the tormentors and the watchful man would have taken him at some other time. However, he had made Alfred and Matthew doubt him and that made it very hard for Arthur to consider him his friend.
"Arthur," Toris said, "you're in St Mungo's Hospital. I'm Toris Laurinaitis, Alfred's friend from Hogwarts." Arthur was pleased that he did not say that he was Arthur's friend, lie that it was, but he still could not stop the jealousy at the thought of him being in the dream instead of Arthur. "I'm here just to visit you because... um... well, Alfred wanted to visit but he can't get every weekend off from Hogwarts so we've been alternating. Between Alfred, Kiku and I, there is always someone with you at the weekend and Matthew comes during the week."
Shutting his eyes, Arthur thought over the information he had just heard. He felt warm, he felt touched as he thought that Kiku and Toris, both Alfred's friends not his, had given up a whole weekend every three weeks just to spend time by Arthur's bedside. It was almost definitely for Alfred, of course, but it was kind and kindness was something that Arthur had not experienced from wizards for a long time.
"He's closed his eyes, again," Toris said, sounding almost disappointed. "I was hoping to tell Alfred that he had kept his eyes open longer."
"Don't worry, dear, he could just be resting his eyes. Next time, he opens them, you could try asking him a question. Something about how much he understands of where he is or how much he remembers of what you just told him," the Healer said kindly as she fiddled with Arthur's blanket. Arthur felt the darkness overtake him again and his last thought was how next time he would sit up and so it would not be as easy to fall asleep.
***
Arthur woke up slowly but did not open his eyes. He was feeling frustrated with himself and he could hear footsteps in his room as well as someone moving something.
"His magic is dangerous, it is like he has no control at all!" A woman said, not the Healer from before but someone else. Arthur wondered who they were talking about.
"He does have some. When the Hogwarts student comes, the one with the glasses, there are no outbursts and when the Muggle comes as well, there's nothing." It was a man who spoke this time. Arthur heard that hated word and the painful thing in his chest released again and there was a violent sound.
"That made me jump!" The woman said, her voice sounding fearful even as she tried to cover it with a nervous laugh.
"At least it was the lamp falling this time. Helen says that sometimes he gets himself so worked up that he creates a mini tornado in his room and all his things go flying apart from the bed." The man sounded like he was sharing a piece of highly sought after gossip and Arthur felt offended on the boy's behalf. They were discussing him in another patient's room, there had to be some confidentiality laws that they were breaking. Even the Wizarding World had to have some sort of confidentiality in place for medical professionals.
"Well, he was a Squib before. Maybe this is the reason he was a Squib in the first place, because he would not be able to control his magic." Arthur's eyes flew open at the woman's answer but the two of them did not notice as they had already walking out of the door, laughing with each other. They were almost immediately replaced with the Healer with the same voice as before. She wore the official uniform and her face was young and kind.
"Good afternoon, Arthur. I'm Healer Elizabeth, but please call me Lizzie. You're in St Mungo's Hospital. I see you've opened your eyes again. You've been doing that a lot lately but normally only very briefly. Do you think we could go for a ride in the wheelchair today? You can see some of your friends again." Her voice was bright and cheery but she was talking as if she did not expect Arthur to answer back. It was like he was mute and not having used his voice in so long, he was worried that they might be right.
It was quite a quick process to get Arthur into the wheelchair and wheeled out into a small garden where several other people in white trousers and tops were roaming about. Arthur felt exhausted, not having gone this far from what he could remember but determined to actually achieve something this time he was awake.
A familiar figure, also in a wheelchair caught his eye. There was the young man from before, and Lukas was beside him as well! Arthur's interest in the two of them and Healer Elizabeth wheeled him over there with only a warning to Arthur that they were going to start moving.
The two of them looked up as Arthur's wheelchair was pushed over and while the young man looked delighted to see him, Lukas' smile disappeared and he looked down at the chessboard. It was non-magical chess and Arthur was grateful for that. He needed something normal. He and Lukas had placed Muggle chess all the time.
"Arthur! Glad to see you here. I'm Nicolae, but please just call me Nico. I told you before but I don't think it went in fully. We've been in St Mungo's for two and a half weeks now, I thought I should tell you since no one told me and so was really surprised when my annoying sister was the one to tell me. It's the seventeenth of November so we were obviously in that place for a really, really long time." The young man, Nico, talked a lot but Arthur did remember him saying that it kept the bad thoughts away. He was also very helpful, not shying away from the subject of what had happened and keeping Arthur up to date.
"Nearly three months," Lukas said softly, still not looking up. Arthur looked at him in concern. Why did he not want to talk to Arthur? Did Arthur do something when they were in the nightmare?
"That's right, we were there for almost three months. When we came back, not that I remember much, it's what a Healer told me, they were almost frantic trying to see us even though we were mostly unconscious and exploding things all over the place." Nico kept talking and Arthur listened, not wanting to interrupt. He was very curious about what was going on and he had a feeling that Nico would answer his questions better than any of the Healers worried about his mental health would.
"Tell him why we are exploding things." Again, Lukas kept his eyes on the chessboard but his voice was more forceful this time and Nico's smile flicked a little bit, looking more nervous than before.
"Apparently, we got kidnapped by this man who wanted to find non-magical people born into magical families like us and pull the magical gene to the forefront to give us magic." Arthur was very glad that Nico was another person who did not use that awful word. "According to research, since we can still pass the magical gene on, we have a weakened copy of it. Not enough to give us magic but enough to increase the chance of our children having it. Anyway, he succeeded to an extent because we do have magic now but it's dangerous and uncontrolled, which is why we have private rooms and Healers watching our every move when we're out of them because we explode things and shoot magic at people that could seriously hurt them."
Arthur could see why Nico's smile had disappeared. Personally, he could not wrap his head around the idea that his dream had come true, to some extent. He had magic now but it was a danger to others and there would be no question of him attending Hogwarts. Putting all those people in danger, putting his friends in danger, this was the price of magic. He had magic but would have to give up friends because of it. The words of the woman and man from before haunted him and it was small comfort that apparently there were no outbursts around Alfred and Matthew. What would happen if he argued with Alfred, like he always did, and he injured him in some way?
"Hey," Arthur raise his head up to see Nico looking at him kindly. "It's not as terrible as that. Albus Dumbledore has visited us and chatted to us about the magic. He should be coming to see you soon. Apparently, we will be able to gain some measure of control over it, never enough to use wands and perform complicated spells, but enough to stop it hurting people."
"It's still a curse and we'll have to stay away from everyone until we get control." Lukas' voice was bitter and he turned his head away from the conversation. Arthur felt a little ill at the implications but another part of him could not help but wonder what Lukas' problem was.
In the background, a table overturned and the three of them jumped. Lukas continued to look away, Arthur stared at Lukas while Nico looked between the two of them, understanding dawning on his face.
"Oh..." he said. "I get what's going on. Arthur." Arthur turned to look at Nico. "Lukas think that you blame him for luring you into a trap where you got captured and trapped. He blames himself for what's happening to you now." Arthur stared for a minute, before looking at Lukas. He was offering no denial and, in fact, looked even more miserable than before. Fed up of this behaviour, Arthur jabbed him in the side causing him to look up.
"It's not your fault," Arthur said, his voice sounded hoarse and scratchy. At least his first words afterwards were something good, even if they did hurt his throat. "You were under the Imperious Curse, I saw it in your eyes. No one under that curse can be blamed for their actions and neither can you." Lukas stared at Arthur, not believing his words but they still needed to be said and now Arthur could relax.
"There we are, one big happy family," Nico said cheerfully before moving one of the chest pieces, a bishop by the looks of things. "Checkmate." This drew Lukas' attention back to the chessboard and he let out a cry of protest.
"It wasn't even your turn!" Arthur smiled at Lukas' protest and Nico's retort. He definitely had achieved something today.
***
Nico was right, Albus Dumbledore did come to visit Arthur. When Arthur woke up to discover the legendary wizard sitting next to his bedside, humming to himself as he examined the flowers on Arthur's bedside table (who kept bringing them anyway), he had to pinch himself, just once. Having Dumbledore as Headmaster had always been part of his dream, but, having only seen the picture of the man on the Chocolate Frog cards, it had always been lacking something.
That something was obvious. There was a thrill of magic in the air and Dumbledore looked more alive than any picture could do to him. His waist length beard caught your eye but not as much as his flamboyant purple robes with shimmering golden stars on them did.
"Good morning," Dumbledore said as soon he noticed Arthur was awake. "I do apologise for barging in like this but I wanted to catch you as soon as you woke up."
"It's quite all right," Arthur answered, his voice still hoarse. He was speaking now but it turned out that all the screaming in the nightmare had damaged his throat. Another thing to heal along with the wounds on his back, legs and arms. The pain in chest varied but today it was bearable. "Good morning to you too."
"I hope you are feeling better than you were." Dumbledore was smart, it turned out, not just intelligent. He knew that asking how Arthur was or whether he was okay meant untruthful answers. Physically, Arthur was better but he still had not seen Alfred since he started remembering the visits and the nightmare was starting to interfere with his sleep.
"I am, thank you. And, how are you?" Dumbledore seemed to ponder this question and Arthur moved himself into a sitting position as he waited for the answer.
"Well, I am pleased that you are awake and coherent because apparently there was a little trouble with that several days ago. I am also happy that I am finally meeting the young man who I have heard so much about and now I'm feeling a little hungry as well since breakfast was a little while ago for me."
Arthur blinked. "That is a very comprehensive list," he answered before focusing on one thing in the answer that he did not understand. "Who have you heard about me from?"
"Many people. Nico, Lukas, Matthew, Alfred and your brothers are to name a few." Arthur felt his head spin at Dumbledore's answer and wondered whether he should ask what they said about him or whether that would make his head spin more. "And I assume that you have heard about this visit from either Nico or Lukas since you did not seem terribly surprised when you woke up to find me at your bedside."
He was frightfully perceptive, Arthur thought ruefully. Out loud, he said, "Nico. He did not explain the purpose of your visit though so I'm a little lost at that."
"Ah, for my purpose to be explained, I will have to tell you a little about my past. I am dreadfully sorry," Dumbledore said and he did look apologetic, "I know us old men like to ramble on about history and our youth, but it is important."
"I do not mind. Please feel free," Arthur said politely, more than a little curious. Dumbledore nodded and his face turned unusually grave.
"My sister, Ariana, was magical from the moment she was born. A delightful, engaging child and she enjoyed practicing her magic at any moment. She had such control over it, you know." Dumbledore sounded both proud and sad and Arthur did not dare interrupt even though he was wondering how this applied to him. "Then one day, some Muggle boys discovered her doing magic in our back garden. They attacked her for it and afterwards, she was so scared of her magic that she forced it inwards. Now magic cannot be forced to do anything and it cannot be squashed out of someone. It looked for a release anyway it could and it led to Ariana's uncontrollable magic." Now Arthur understood and Dumbledore could obviously see the emotion written straight across his face for he nodded. "Yes. She ended up killing our mother in one of her rages and she was killed herself in a terrible accident." Arthur felt a shiver going up his spine and hoped this was not a prediction for his future. Dumbledore looked even more sad as he told the last part of the story but then he focused on Arthur and seemed to strengthen again.
"After that, I started to research ways that I could have helped Ariana. Ways that magic could be practiced to help control, for there has been other cases like hers and similar to yours over time. I wish to offer you my services to help you control your magic. Wand magic will never be possible but simple things like levitation and summoning that does not need great detail will hopefully be achievable."
It had been a week full of ups and downs for Arthur. To find out that he had magic but that it was dangerous to everyone around him had been a hard blow but now Dumbledore was saying that there might be a way to stop them from happening. It was almost too much and Arthur smiled brilliantly at the man who had given him such hope after the nightmare.
"That would be perfect, thank you." His voice sounded almost detached but Arthur's smile said it all and Dumbledore departed with his own smile on his face.
***
That weekend, Arthur had persuaded one of the Healers to allow him to sit at the window of his room with a book. The window had been added now that Arthur was awake and it showed the streets of London, non-magical London, spread out before him. It was a comforting sight and a very relaxing place when he was not in the garden with Nico or Lukas.
The door swung open, that and the bend in the wall blocking Arthur's view of whoever was coming in but the person spoke, leaving Arthur in doubt as to who it was.
"Hey," Alfred said. "Where's Arthur? He's not in bed." It seemed like no one had informed Alfred of what had happened, maybe wanting to leave it as a surprise, for he sounded very confused and slightly angry. All of this disappeared in the realisation that it was Alfred at the door.
The book dropped out of Arthur's hands, landing on the carpet, and he shakily got to his feet, using the chair as support. Alfred came into his room, staring at the bed, with a bunch of pink roses in his hands. He still had not noticed Arthur but Arthur could not take his eyes off him.
"Alfred," he said, almost giddy at the feelings that were running through him. Alfred stiffened and spun around, his eyes wide with shock. Arthur took in the sight of him, unable to remember the little details when he was out of his mind. Alfred was thinner and looked very tired but his hair was just as messy, his eyes just as blue and he was still the Alfred that Arthur remembered.
"Arthur?" Alfred whispered, letting the flowers drop from his hand. They fell to the floor in a bunch and Arthur smiled. "Arthur!" Alfred yelled before Arthur was swept up into a hug that rivalled any that Alfred had given before. He held onto Alfred as tight as Alfred was holding onto him and it was a tangle of limbs, a mess of confusion as the two of them tried to make up for months of not seeing each other.
"Alfred," Arthur whispered into the boy's shoulder, unable to believe it. It was more solid than any dream and more wonderful than anything his mind could come up with. Arthur wanted to stay like this forever but he could hear Alfred muttering something as they stayed in the hug.
"I love you, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I love you. I'm sorry, I love you so much." Alfred's muttered words made Arthur's heart stop for a second but then it started again, racing like it never had before.
"I love you too. It's okay, it's okay." For the first time, Arthur actually believed his own words. He breathed him and his nose was filled with the smell of Alfred, not the ridiculous McDonald's scented shampoo that Arthur had often complained about, but rather the smell of his own rose scented shampoo on top of it. It was obvious how much Alfred had missed him and Arthur tried to pull him closer, a physically impossible task but that did not stop Arthur from trying.
Arthur felt his legs start to give out and he realised that he had been shaking with exhaustion for a while, but it had been hidden when the adrenaline with seeing Alfred again had hit. He pulled them both to the ground and the two of them lay curled up in the carpet for an age, Alfred still muttering the same words and Arthur trying to soothe him with his own words and stroking his hair.
Long afterwards, Alfred pulled his head back slightly so he could look at Arthur's face. His glasses were wonky and his face and eyes were red with crying but he focused on Arthur with an intensity that was so familiar that it sent shivers up Arthur's spine. He had never thought he would see it again.
"You're back. You're really back," Alfred muttered as he stared into Arthur's eyes. Arthur, understanding what he was looking for, allowed him without comment, taking his own time to stare at Alfred and try to memorise his face. The dream had kept Alfred's face but there were little details that were new, like his cheekbones standing out just a little more with the lost weight or the spot above one of the eyebrows or the blonde hair on Alfred's top lip that had definitely not been there during the summer.
Arthur could not stop smiling and he would not be surprised if his uncontrollable magic starting conjuring flowers and rainbows everywhere. "I'm really back," Arthur said, when Alfred fell quiet for a moment. This led to another long hug, even though Alfred had not let go of Arthur in the first place, before Alfred spoke again.
"I... I've missed you so much." Alfred's mouth twisted as if he was remembering the time when he missed Arthur.
"Me too. God, me too," Arthur whispered back, pulling one hand back so he could lay it against Alfred's cheek. Alfred felt hot and slightly sticky from his crying but he leant into the hand and his eyes fluttered closed. Alfred then trapped Arthur's hand to his cheek with a hand before laying a kiss on Arthur's palm.
"I love you. Don't leave me like that, again." Alfred's words were so desperate and Arthur wondered about what had happened over this past few months. What had been going through Alfred's mind when he had discovered Arthur was missing? But those were words for another day.
"I won't," Arthur said, meaning every word. "I promise." Now Alfred smiled and things were just a little bit better, a little bit more normal.
Formatting hates me. Nico is meant to Romania and Dumbledore was fun to write. I was going to write more with Alfred and Arthur but then I ran out of time. Enjoy!
Genre: Friendship/Romance/Drama
Pairing(s): USUK
Word Count: 5,293
Rating/Warnings: 15, torture (implied), suicidal thoughts
Summary: Arthur was a squib with a magical best friend. To be part of the magical world was his dream, but not at the expense of everything else. It's a shame that some people don't take no for an answer. Sequel to 'A Foolish Dream' and this will make no sense unless you've read that. Done for the ' Once Upon A Dream' prompt.
Once upon a time, Arthur had a dream. He dreamed that he had the magical gene and he attended Hogwarts, making friends with Alfred and getting into all sorts of trouble with him. He dreamed that he had chosen to walk away that night in the park and never contacted anyone about getting magic. He dreamed that he and Alfred were together, living happily ever after.
But then he would wake up and the dream would be over. And then the nightmare would begin again.
The nightmare would taunt him and speak about how he wanted this to happen, how he wanted magic so badly that he was willing to give up everything else. When he tried to protest, the nightmare would laugh and the pain would start again. Pain like something was being pulled out of him and forced into him at the same time.
Arthur wanted it to stop. He wanted the dream, not the nightmare, but if he could not have the dream, then he would take the darkness.
Sometimes in the nightmare there was familiar voices, just as scared and hurt as he was, and Arthur tried to reach out to them but everything blurred before him and then he would fall into the darkness again. He always woke up, back to the nightmare again. Sometimes he wanted to never wake up, if all he would have was nightmares.
In the nightmare, there were many people there. There were the tormentors that caused Arthur pain when they came, and smiled while doing it. Luckily there seemed to be only two of those. Then there were the others, chained to metal beds just like Arthur. Some screamed, like the old man next to Arthur who had not stopped screaming and crying for cat and some stayed silent, like the woman who had stared at the tormentors with clear, judgemental eyes until the pain broke her.
There was another young man, about Arthur's age, that talked a lot about nonsense things to Arthur, whether he was listening or not. Several times, Arthur had awoken to hear the man talking to him and it made the nightmare slightly more bearable.
One memorable time, Arthur had seen Lukas, strapped to one of the metal beds and looking ill and pale. He had looked at Arthur before turning away, as if in pain. That had made the nightmare worse that day.
There were a lot of things that the nightmare did not have that Arthur missed. He missed his home and the friends he saw during term time, like Matthew and Lukas. He missed the sun, the moon and even the rain. Most of all, he missed Alfred. If the nightmare was right, then he had given up Alfred for magic, then maybe the nightmare was what he deserved.
The young man disagreed with this opinion when he heard about it and Arthur listened to him. He was part of the nightmare, so if he was saying that the other part was lying, then it must be. But if Arthur was not to blame for the nightmare, who was? It certainly was not Alfred, or Matthew, or Toris and no matter how much the man himself seemed to disagree, neither was Lukas.
Was it the tormentors' fault? Or maybe it was the man that Arthur could not categorise, that came into the nightmare and just watched with a blank look on his face?
Finding the question too hard to think about, and not wanting to think about the man, Arthur let the darkness take him again.
***
When he emerged from the darkness, the light behind his eyelids told him that he was in a dream again. Arthur smiled. He liked the dream, everything was pleasant and comforting in the dream. His body never ached and his heart was never pained. Even Lukas and the young man were there in Hogwarts! Lukas was good at Care of Magical Creatures while the young man would find Charms ridiculously easy and would laugh as he performed them.
And beside him through all that, Alfred would be there, ready to help Arthur along.
Arthur opened his eyes, ready to enter the dream world again. It was different somehow, the bed was plain and white, as were the walls, and there was no Alfred around. There was no one around.
This disturbed Arthur because his dreams always started with Alfred right next to him. He might be in the hospital wing in Hogwarts but Alfred would at least be here at the start of the dream before he disappeared to come up with a new prank or a present idea for Arthur. It was different and Arthur did not approve of this difference.
He sat up and froze in place for a second. He felt pain - there was never any pain in his dreams, even after a Quidditch accident. The pain was inside him, as if something was moving inside of him, ready to get out and pain also seared along his back and arms and legs. His head ached but not as much as his chest.
That could only mean one thing - this was a different aspect of the nightmare. It was lulling him into a false sense of security with the light and the comfortable bed, but the pain would continue. Any moment now, one of the tormentors or the watchful, silent man would could that door.
Arthur stared hard at the door, ready for it to open. His survey of the room had showed there was no else there, not even the screaming old man, and his panic reached new heights. As if the thing inside of him was waiting for the panic, it suddenly clawed its way out of Arthur's chest and there was a moment of release.
Straight after that moment, the vase of flowers (false sense of security - nothing else) exploded outwards and Arthur threw up an arm as he protected himself at the shards of glass flying through the air. Something flowed down his cheek and a drop of red appeared on his white top. Noticing his clothes had been changed, Arthur looked down. His trousers and top were white and itchy. They were also clean, something that the nightmare never had.
Arthur's head span as he tried to make sense of this dream-nightmare that he was in. It was different from a nightmare but it was different from a dream and nothing made sense. Why had the vase exploded? Why was the thing in his chest less painful now but he could feel it building again? He lay back down, exhausted by all these questions running through his mind.
The door opened and instinctively, Arthur shut his eyes and feigned sleep.
"Oh, he's exploded the flowers. I'm sorry about that. He doesn't seem to have much control in his sleep, but when he opened his eyes, his control does start to get a little better." There was a sound of glass by his bedside as the unknown woman had obviously reached the vase of flowers.
"So, he has woken up already?" Arthur stiffened at the voice before forcing his body to relax. Matthew was here in the room, why was Matthew in the dream-nightmare (reality)? Arthur quietened his mind. The nightmare was his reality, there was no escaping that.
"Mmm. I wouldn't say woken up. Although there are sparks of recognition, such as with a few of the other patients or your brother, there is never any memory of these encounters and he is not fully coherent. It is coming along every day though and he is keeping his eyes open for longer periods. He is improving, it is just very slow."
"That's good because...." Try as he might, Arthur's hearing dimmed and blackness came over him. This time if provided no relief.
***
The next time Arthur opened his eyes, there was someone by his bedside. No, there were two people. One, the woman from before judging by her voice, was moving around his bed, straightening up his table and taking his pulse while the other was sitting on a chair beside Arthur.
He remembered what happened last time and the vague memories of other times were starting to return. Most of them were blurred confusion and belief that it was still part of the dream, but it was starting to add up. However the person sitting beside his bed was not the person he would expect if this was the dream, considering Toris was not a person he would want to see in it.
Toris looked just as surprised as Arthur felt when he turned his head to look at him.
"Er... Healer, he opened his eyes!" Toris said nervously, drawing the attention of the woman on the other side of Arthur's bed.
"He does that sometimes. We're trying to get him to keep his eyes open for longer so he can start to understand where he is. Normally, we would tell him where he is, who we are and why we're here. You can try that if you like." Arthur would feel irritated about how they were talking over him like he was not even here or conscious but they were about to tell him where this little white room was so he did not protest.
"Okay, okay. I can do that." Toris turned back to Arthur, looking very nervous. Arthur stared, not helping him out at all. Toris was a person that he considered blaming for the nightmare but he had dismissed it as ridiculous. He was a reason he had been out that night, but the tormentors and the watchful man would have taken him at some other time. However, he had made Alfred and Matthew doubt him and that made it very hard for Arthur to consider him his friend.
"Arthur," Toris said, "you're in St Mungo's Hospital. I'm Toris Laurinaitis, Alfred's friend from Hogwarts." Arthur was pleased that he did not say that he was Arthur's friend, lie that it was, but he still could not stop the jealousy at the thought of him being in the dream instead of Arthur. "I'm here just to visit you because... um... well, Alfred wanted to visit but he can't get every weekend off from Hogwarts so we've been alternating. Between Alfred, Kiku and I, there is always someone with you at the weekend and Matthew comes during the week."
Shutting his eyes, Arthur thought over the information he had just heard. He felt warm, he felt touched as he thought that Kiku and Toris, both Alfred's friends not his, had given up a whole weekend every three weeks just to spend time by Arthur's bedside. It was almost definitely for Alfred, of course, but it was kind and kindness was something that Arthur had not experienced from wizards for a long time.
"He's closed his eyes, again," Toris said, sounding almost disappointed. "I was hoping to tell Alfred that he had kept his eyes open longer."
"Don't worry, dear, he could just be resting his eyes. Next time, he opens them, you could try asking him a question. Something about how much he understands of where he is or how much he remembers of what you just told him," the Healer said kindly as she fiddled with Arthur's blanket. Arthur felt the darkness overtake him again and his last thought was how next time he would sit up and so it would not be as easy to fall asleep.
***
Arthur woke up slowly but did not open his eyes. He was feeling frustrated with himself and he could hear footsteps in his room as well as someone moving something.
"His magic is dangerous, it is like he has no control at all!" A woman said, not the Healer from before but someone else. Arthur wondered who they were talking about.
"He does have some. When the Hogwarts student comes, the one with the glasses, there are no outbursts and when the Muggle comes as well, there's nothing." It was a man who spoke this time. Arthur heard that hated word and the painful thing in his chest released again and there was a violent sound.
"That made me jump!" The woman said, her voice sounding fearful even as she tried to cover it with a nervous laugh.
"At least it was the lamp falling this time. Helen says that sometimes he gets himself so worked up that he creates a mini tornado in his room and all his things go flying apart from the bed." The man sounded like he was sharing a piece of highly sought after gossip and Arthur felt offended on the boy's behalf. They were discussing him in another patient's room, there had to be some confidentiality laws that they were breaking. Even the Wizarding World had to have some sort of confidentiality in place for medical professionals.
"Well, he was a Squib before. Maybe this is the reason he was a Squib in the first place, because he would not be able to control his magic." Arthur's eyes flew open at the woman's answer but the two of them did not notice as they had already walking out of the door, laughing with each other. They were almost immediately replaced with the Healer with the same voice as before. She wore the official uniform and her face was young and kind.
"Good afternoon, Arthur. I'm Healer Elizabeth, but please call me Lizzie. You're in St Mungo's Hospital. I see you've opened your eyes again. You've been doing that a lot lately but normally only very briefly. Do you think we could go for a ride in the wheelchair today? You can see some of your friends again." Her voice was bright and cheery but she was talking as if she did not expect Arthur to answer back. It was like he was mute and not having used his voice in so long, he was worried that they might be right.
It was quite a quick process to get Arthur into the wheelchair and wheeled out into a small garden where several other people in white trousers and tops were roaming about. Arthur felt exhausted, not having gone this far from what he could remember but determined to actually achieve something this time he was awake.
A familiar figure, also in a wheelchair caught his eye. There was the young man from before, and Lukas was beside him as well! Arthur's interest in the two of them and Healer Elizabeth wheeled him over there with only a warning to Arthur that they were going to start moving.
The two of them looked up as Arthur's wheelchair was pushed over and while the young man looked delighted to see him, Lukas' smile disappeared and he looked down at the chessboard. It was non-magical chess and Arthur was grateful for that. He needed something normal. He and Lukas had placed Muggle chess all the time.
"Arthur! Glad to see you here. I'm Nicolae, but please just call me Nico. I told you before but I don't think it went in fully. We've been in St Mungo's for two and a half weeks now, I thought I should tell you since no one told me and so was really surprised when my annoying sister was the one to tell me. It's the seventeenth of November so we were obviously in that place for a really, really long time." The young man, Nico, talked a lot but Arthur did remember him saying that it kept the bad thoughts away. He was also very helpful, not shying away from the subject of what had happened and keeping Arthur up to date.
"Nearly three months," Lukas said softly, still not looking up. Arthur looked at him in concern. Why did he not want to talk to Arthur? Did Arthur do something when they were in the nightmare?
"That's right, we were there for almost three months. When we came back, not that I remember much, it's what a Healer told me, they were almost frantic trying to see us even though we were mostly unconscious and exploding things all over the place." Nico kept talking and Arthur listened, not wanting to interrupt. He was very curious about what was going on and he had a feeling that Nico would answer his questions better than any of the Healers worried about his mental health would.
"Tell him why we are exploding things." Again, Lukas kept his eyes on the chessboard but his voice was more forceful this time and Nico's smile flicked a little bit, looking more nervous than before.
"Apparently, we got kidnapped by this man who wanted to find non-magical people born into magical families like us and pull the magical gene to the forefront to give us magic." Arthur was very glad that Nico was another person who did not use that awful word. "According to research, since we can still pass the magical gene on, we have a weakened copy of it. Not enough to give us magic but enough to increase the chance of our children having it. Anyway, he succeeded to an extent because we do have magic now but it's dangerous and uncontrolled, which is why we have private rooms and Healers watching our every move when we're out of them because we explode things and shoot magic at people that could seriously hurt them."
Arthur could see why Nico's smile had disappeared. Personally, he could not wrap his head around the idea that his dream had come true, to some extent. He had magic now but it was a danger to others and there would be no question of him attending Hogwarts. Putting all those people in danger, putting his friends in danger, this was the price of magic. He had magic but would have to give up friends because of it. The words of the woman and man from before haunted him and it was small comfort that apparently there were no outbursts around Alfred and Matthew. What would happen if he argued with Alfred, like he always did, and he injured him in some way?
"Hey," Arthur raise his head up to see Nico looking at him kindly. "It's not as terrible as that. Albus Dumbledore has visited us and chatted to us about the magic. He should be coming to see you soon. Apparently, we will be able to gain some measure of control over it, never enough to use wands and perform complicated spells, but enough to stop it hurting people."
"It's still a curse and we'll have to stay away from everyone until we get control." Lukas' voice was bitter and he turned his head away from the conversation. Arthur felt a little ill at the implications but another part of him could not help but wonder what Lukas' problem was.
In the background, a table overturned and the three of them jumped. Lukas continued to look away, Arthur stared at Lukas while Nico looked between the two of them, understanding dawning on his face.
"Oh..." he said. "I get what's going on. Arthur." Arthur turned to look at Nico. "Lukas think that you blame him for luring you into a trap where you got captured and trapped. He blames himself for what's happening to you now." Arthur stared for a minute, before looking at Lukas. He was offering no denial and, in fact, looked even more miserable than before. Fed up of this behaviour, Arthur jabbed him in the side causing him to look up.
"It's not your fault," Arthur said, his voice sounded hoarse and scratchy. At least his first words afterwards were something good, even if they did hurt his throat. "You were under the Imperious Curse, I saw it in your eyes. No one under that curse can be blamed for their actions and neither can you." Lukas stared at Arthur, not believing his words but they still needed to be said and now Arthur could relax.
"There we are, one big happy family," Nico said cheerfully before moving one of the chest pieces, a bishop by the looks of things. "Checkmate." This drew Lukas' attention back to the chessboard and he let out a cry of protest.
"It wasn't even your turn!" Arthur smiled at Lukas' protest and Nico's retort. He definitely had achieved something today.
***
Nico was right, Albus Dumbledore did come to visit Arthur. When Arthur woke up to discover the legendary wizard sitting next to his bedside, humming to himself as he examined the flowers on Arthur's bedside table (who kept bringing them anyway), he had to pinch himself, just once. Having Dumbledore as Headmaster had always been part of his dream, but, having only seen the picture of the man on the Chocolate Frog cards, it had always been lacking something.
That something was obvious. There was a thrill of magic in the air and Dumbledore looked more alive than any picture could do to him. His waist length beard caught your eye but not as much as his flamboyant purple robes with shimmering golden stars on them did.
"Good morning," Dumbledore said as soon he noticed Arthur was awake. "I do apologise for barging in like this but I wanted to catch you as soon as you woke up."
"It's quite all right," Arthur answered, his voice still hoarse. He was speaking now but it turned out that all the screaming in the nightmare had damaged his throat. Another thing to heal along with the wounds on his back, legs and arms. The pain in chest varied but today it was bearable. "Good morning to you too."
"I hope you are feeling better than you were." Dumbledore was smart, it turned out, not just intelligent. He knew that asking how Arthur was or whether he was okay meant untruthful answers. Physically, Arthur was better but he still had not seen Alfred since he started remembering the visits and the nightmare was starting to interfere with his sleep.
"I am, thank you. And, how are you?" Dumbledore seemed to ponder this question and Arthur moved himself into a sitting position as he waited for the answer.
"Well, I am pleased that you are awake and coherent because apparently there was a little trouble with that several days ago. I am also happy that I am finally meeting the young man who I have heard so much about and now I'm feeling a little hungry as well since breakfast was a little while ago for me."
Arthur blinked. "That is a very comprehensive list," he answered before focusing on one thing in the answer that he did not understand. "Who have you heard about me from?"
"Many people. Nico, Lukas, Matthew, Alfred and your brothers are to name a few." Arthur felt his head spin at Dumbledore's answer and wondered whether he should ask what they said about him or whether that would make his head spin more. "And I assume that you have heard about this visit from either Nico or Lukas since you did not seem terribly surprised when you woke up to find me at your bedside."
He was frightfully perceptive, Arthur thought ruefully. Out loud, he said, "Nico. He did not explain the purpose of your visit though so I'm a little lost at that."
"Ah, for my purpose to be explained, I will have to tell you a little about my past. I am dreadfully sorry," Dumbledore said and he did look apologetic, "I know us old men like to ramble on about history and our youth, but it is important."
"I do not mind. Please feel free," Arthur said politely, more than a little curious. Dumbledore nodded and his face turned unusually grave.
"My sister, Ariana, was magical from the moment she was born. A delightful, engaging child and she enjoyed practicing her magic at any moment. She had such control over it, you know." Dumbledore sounded both proud and sad and Arthur did not dare interrupt even though he was wondering how this applied to him. "Then one day, some Muggle boys discovered her doing magic in our back garden. They attacked her for it and afterwards, she was so scared of her magic that she forced it inwards. Now magic cannot be forced to do anything and it cannot be squashed out of someone. It looked for a release anyway it could and it led to Ariana's uncontrollable magic." Now Arthur understood and Dumbledore could obviously see the emotion written straight across his face for he nodded. "Yes. She ended up killing our mother in one of her rages and she was killed herself in a terrible accident." Arthur felt a shiver going up his spine and hoped this was not a prediction for his future. Dumbledore looked even more sad as he told the last part of the story but then he focused on Arthur and seemed to strengthen again.
"After that, I started to research ways that I could have helped Ariana. Ways that magic could be practiced to help control, for there has been other cases like hers and similar to yours over time. I wish to offer you my services to help you control your magic. Wand magic will never be possible but simple things like levitation and summoning that does not need great detail will hopefully be achievable."
It had been a week full of ups and downs for Arthur. To find out that he had magic but that it was dangerous to everyone around him had been a hard blow but now Dumbledore was saying that there might be a way to stop them from happening. It was almost too much and Arthur smiled brilliantly at the man who had given him such hope after the nightmare.
"That would be perfect, thank you." His voice sounded almost detached but Arthur's smile said it all and Dumbledore departed with his own smile on his face.
***
That weekend, Arthur had persuaded one of the Healers to allow him to sit at the window of his room with a book. The window had been added now that Arthur was awake and it showed the streets of London, non-magical London, spread out before him. It was a comforting sight and a very relaxing place when he was not in the garden with Nico or Lukas.
The door swung open, that and the bend in the wall blocking Arthur's view of whoever was coming in but the person spoke, leaving Arthur in doubt as to who it was.
"Hey," Alfred said. "Where's Arthur? He's not in bed." It seemed like no one had informed Alfred of what had happened, maybe wanting to leave it as a surprise, for he sounded very confused and slightly angry. All of this disappeared in the realisation that it was Alfred at the door.
The book dropped out of Arthur's hands, landing on the carpet, and he shakily got to his feet, using the chair as support. Alfred came into his room, staring at the bed, with a bunch of pink roses in his hands. He still had not noticed Arthur but Arthur could not take his eyes off him.
"Alfred," he said, almost giddy at the feelings that were running through him. Alfred stiffened and spun around, his eyes wide with shock. Arthur took in the sight of him, unable to remember the little details when he was out of his mind. Alfred was thinner and looked very tired but his hair was just as messy, his eyes just as blue and he was still the Alfred that Arthur remembered.
"Arthur?" Alfred whispered, letting the flowers drop from his hand. They fell to the floor in a bunch and Arthur smiled. "Arthur!" Alfred yelled before Arthur was swept up into a hug that rivalled any that Alfred had given before. He held onto Alfred as tight as Alfred was holding onto him and it was a tangle of limbs, a mess of confusion as the two of them tried to make up for months of not seeing each other.
"Alfred," Arthur whispered into the boy's shoulder, unable to believe it. It was more solid than any dream and more wonderful than anything his mind could come up with. Arthur wanted to stay like this forever but he could hear Alfred muttering something as they stayed in the hug.
"I love you, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I love you. I'm sorry, I love you so much." Alfred's muttered words made Arthur's heart stop for a second but then it started again, racing like it never had before.
"I love you too. It's okay, it's okay." For the first time, Arthur actually believed his own words. He breathed him and his nose was filled with the smell of Alfred, not the ridiculous McDonald's scented shampoo that Arthur had often complained about, but rather the smell of his own rose scented shampoo on top of it. It was obvious how much Alfred had missed him and Arthur tried to pull him closer, a physically impossible task but that did not stop Arthur from trying.
Arthur felt his legs start to give out and he realised that he had been shaking with exhaustion for a while, but it had been hidden when the adrenaline with seeing Alfred again had hit. He pulled them both to the ground and the two of them lay curled up in the carpet for an age, Alfred still muttering the same words and Arthur trying to soothe him with his own words and stroking his hair.
Long afterwards, Alfred pulled his head back slightly so he could look at Arthur's face. His glasses were wonky and his face and eyes were red with crying but he focused on Arthur with an intensity that was so familiar that it sent shivers up Arthur's spine. He had never thought he would see it again.
"You're back. You're really back," Alfred muttered as he stared into Arthur's eyes. Arthur, understanding what he was looking for, allowed him without comment, taking his own time to stare at Alfred and try to memorise his face. The dream had kept Alfred's face but there were little details that were new, like his cheekbones standing out just a little more with the lost weight or the spot above one of the eyebrows or the blonde hair on Alfred's top lip that had definitely not been there during the summer.
Arthur could not stop smiling and he would not be surprised if his uncontrollable magic starting conjuring flowers and rainbows everywhere. "I'm really back," Arthur said, when Alfred fell quiet for a moment. This led to another long hug, even though Alfred had not let go of Arthur in the first place, before Alfred spoke again.
"I... I've missed you so much." Alfred's mouth twisted as if he was remembering the time when he missed Arthur.
"Me too. God, me too," Arthur whispered back, pulling one hand back so he could lay it against Alfred's cheek. Alfred felt hot and slightly sticky from his crying but he leant into the hand and his eyes fluttered closed. Alfred then trapped Arthur's hand to his cheek with a hand before laying a kiss on Arthur's palm.
"I love you. Don't leave me like that, again." Alfred's words were so desperate and Arthur wondered about what had happened over this past few months. What had been going through Alfred's mind when he had discovered Arthur was missing? But those were words for another day.
"I won't," Arthur said, meaning every word. "I promise." Now Alfred smiled and things were just a little bit better, a little bit more normal.
Formatting hates me. Nico is meant to Romania and Dumbledore was fun to write. I was going to write more with Alfred and Arthur but then I ran out of time. Enjoy!