She Woke Up.. (back-dated version)
Something I wrote quite awhile ago, early this year around March or April I think. I've been inspired by others to attempt to write short stories again, so I figured this might get ppl in the mood to read and provide feedback.
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She woke up, and the darkness flooded her vision. She lay perfectly still, closed her eyes again, and tried to regain her bearings. No doubt it was the wind or some small creak that all old houses make that awoke her from her sleep. It’s not like it was an incredibly hard thing to do these days, she reminded herself. Her body ached to the bone with tiredness, and yet it was her mind that was the most weary, utterly exhausted. A funny thing what a person can do to them selves, self-destructing through the internalization of so much emotion.
The room was freezing with the air conditioner spreading its cold rage, and she suddenly realized her toes were nearly akin to being frostbitten. Groping for the covers in the darkness, she listened to the deep, steady breathing of the man beside her and attempted to steal away some of those preciously warm covers without waking him. He was always so grumpy if pushed the wrong way. Though she usually understood his need of sleep, her own needs were driving her motivations this evening and after several attempts, she roughly claimed her own blanket. Unaware, the man continued to snore, his mouth gaped slightly to the side. Wrapping herself in the new-found warmth, her eyes, now adjusted to the lack of light, focused on that face next to hers. It never ceased to amaze her really. Sometimes, she could stare at that handsome profile and be completely giddy, embarrassingly enough like a sixteen year-old girl who had a crush on the captain of the football team. But it was the other times, the times like tonight, when she looked upon that visage that truly spoke mountains about their relationship and placed the tiniest seed of doubt in her heart.
Tonight was no different than it had been all week-the man came home tired, ate, and went to bed without a thought or affection toward anyone else. Maybe she should be used to it, she thought. This is life, and you can’t always expect to have that fairy tale ending. Who can really claim to be a princess anyway, so why should she expect someone to live up to the standards of a prince? But deep down she knew. She knew that despite all the love that she could muster in her tired bones, he would never really love her. Oh perhaps he thought he did, and she was sure there were many nights were he actively convinced himself he did love her, but truth be told, he simply didn’t know how. It was in every action and move he made, why even as he slept he pulled away from her, and try as though he might, he simply wasn’t ready to allow someone to love him. At least, she thought, not in the way she knew herself to be capable of loving.
All these thoughts washed over her in seconds, one after the other after the other, endless waves in an ocean of unfulfilled dreams. Suddenly, she realized she wasn’t alone with her thoughts in the darkness anymore as she sensed the weighted gaze of two eyes staring back at her. She quickly tried to clench her eyelids shut, feigning sleep, and slightly praying he couldn’t see the faint line of wetness on her cheek.
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She woke up, and the darkness flooded her vision. She lay perfectly still, closed her eyes again, and tried to regain her bearings. No doubt it was the wind or some small creak that all old houses make that awoke her from her sleep. It’s not like it was an incredibly hard thing to do these days, she reminded herself. Her body ached to the bone with tiredness, and yet it was her mind that was the most weary, utterly exhausted. A funny thing what a person can do to them selves, self-destructing through the internalization of so much emotion.
The room was freezing with the air conditioner spreading its cold rage, and she suddenly realized her toes were nearly akin to being frostbitten. Groping for the covers in the darkness, she listened to the deep, steady breathing of the man beside her and attempted to steal away some of those preciously warm covers without waking him. He was always so grumpy if pushed the wrong way. Though she usually understood his need of sleep, her own needs were driving her motivations this evening and after several attempts, she roughly claimed her own blanket. Unaware, the man continued to snore, his mouth gaped slightly to the side. Wrapping herself in the new-found warmth, her eyes, now adjusted to the lack of light, focused on that face next to hers. It never ceased to amaze her really. Sometimes, she could stare at that handsome profile and be completely giddy, embarrassingly enough like a sixteen year-old girl who had a crush on the captain of the football team. But it was the other times, the times like tonight, when she looked upon that visage that truly spoke mountains about their relationship and placed the tiniest seed of doubt in her heart.
Tonight was no different than it had been all week-the man came home tired, ate, and went to bed without a thought or affection toward anyone else. Maybe she should be used to it, she thought. This is life, and you can’t always expect to have that fairy tale ending. Who can really claim to be a princess anyway, so why should she expect someone to live up to the standards of a prince? But deep down she knew. She knew that despite all the love that she could muster in her tired bones, he would never really love her. Oh perhaps he thought he did, and she was sure there were many nights were he actively convinced himself he did love her, but truth be told, he simply didn’t know how. It was in every action and move he made, why even as he slept he pulled away from her, and try as though he might, he simply wasn’t ready to allow someone to love him. At least, she thought, not in the way she knew herself to be capable of loving.
All these thoughts washed over her in seconds, one after the other after the other, endless waves in an ocean of unfulfilled dreams. Suddenly, she realized she wasn’t alone with her thoughts in the darkness anymore as she sensed the weighted gaze of two eyes staring back at her. She quickly tried to clench her eyelids shut, feigning sleep, and slightly praying he couldn’t see the faint line of wetness on her cheek.