Many thoughts
I have been working through a medication change which is playing havoc with my thoughts and feelings.
I worry a lot about work and if I can make a living selling on commission. My job is pretty good but the constant fear of whether or not someone will come in and buy a car is wearing to my psyche.
I worry about those around me. I wish for their happiness and try to show my affection. However, it's difficult for me to express my needs when I feel like crap inside. It's times like this when I pull away which sabotages my own need for affection.
I love Robert, Tim and Reid. My mind tells me lies and says that they don't love me. I constantly have to fight the feeling that I'm unloveable.
I knew that moving to California would be a struggle. I know that struggle and adversity makes me grow. I had no idea that it would be this difficult.
I understand more and more where the concept of god comes from. As I feel less and less in control of my destiny I find myself looking more and more for a powerful being who can just fix everything for me.