The More Things Change

[shimotsuki]

Title: The More Things Change
Author: shimotsuki
Summary: Sirius Black has been unnervingly polite ever since Lily found herself actually kissing James Potter. (Lily/James)
Rating: PG
Warnings: rebellious smoking
Word Count: 1344
Prompts: stay, "Dog On Wheels" by Belle and Sebastian

Comments

[bratanimus]

Oh, this is wonderful. You've got such a way of getting into the minds of teenagers, knowing that Lily can't be TOO nice to Sirius while they're having The Talk (hence the taking of points), and Sirius can't actually say it's okay afterwards (hence the dancing sandwich). That was lovely

[shimotsuki]

Thank you for such a thoughtful review! You touched on several things that I was trying to do here, so I'm really pleased they worked.

The names -- yeah, I definitely wanted to show that Lily still doesn't think of Sirius and Peter as friends yet, although she will eventually. I suspect she's only recently stopped calling James 'Potter.' ;) -- Right in one! ;)

I'm glad you liked this Peter. I like to see him as perceptive, because that can either make him a good friend or a terrible traitor (notice who it was that later made sure Sirius got a good twelve years of being completely alone). I don't think he's gone over to the other side yet here, though.

a real sense of growing affection that she herself doesn't quite know what to make of -- That's exactly what I was going for...a hint that Lily never actually expected to fall for James. James is honestly still a big cipher to me (which is one reason why your S/L scenario really worked for me, heh).

[snorkackcatcher]

Nice little Lily moment, that -- and I thought it captured Sirius's likely reaction well.

[shimotsuki]

Thanks! I'm glad you thought so.

[hrymfaxe]

What a wonderful glimpse into the marauder dynamics. I think you have shown there caracteristics well here: Remus who is polite and considerate, but perhaps a little blind to the weaknesses of others, James who, as you wrote, is so sure of his place in the world, that he cannot fathom someone who isn't, Peter who is the one with the insecurities and therefore can understand how Sirius feels, and finally Sirius who guards his feelings so well, that he would rather leave those he loves than being left.

I really like Lily as well - she has a mind of her own. And she approaches Sirius on her own terms without giving way, but telling him that her place with James is different than his. And I like how he doesn't seem to react, but listens anyway, and the day after has decided that it will be all right.

Oh and having their conversation in the dark, where they cannot see each other's reactions is a really good idea - and I love the image of Sirius sitting on the wall with starlight in his eyes. mmmmmm :)

Lovely story - thank you for

[shimotsuki]

Thanks so much for the lovely review! I'm completely fascinated by the Marauders and their different personalities, so I'm really glad you liked the way they came out here. And I'm very happy you thought the Lily-Sirius conversation was effective; that was my initial inspiration for the story, to have them sharing a smoke in the dark. :)

[shimotsuki]

Thank you! I really like to think about the different characters and their motivations, so I'm glad you thought these sketches worked here.

[seer_of_spots]

Nothing solves anything quite like a dancing cheese and lettuce sandwich.

I loved it. It was concise and snappy and your word choice went a long way - the little section when Lily first asks for the cigarette, in particular: you don't describe Sirius sitting there smoking, don't talk about the cigarette (or the sandwich, later) until it becomes important, and I really like that.

It means there'll always be something there to surprise.

I like the obvious freshness and newness of Lily and James's relationship - and the different ways the friends deal with such a change. But, at the same time as it being new, you make it natural: "Lily walked down to the Great Hall from the Transfiguration classroom with James and his friends, so it was perfectly natural to sit with them and join in the silly jokes about cross-species Transfiguration."

I love the way you write Peter, too. It's sad how often he's portrayed as a little weasel or a down-and-out loner who is Only Allowed to Hang with the Marauders out of Pity. And that line of his ("We'

[shimotsuki]

Thanks very much for such a detailed review! It makes me happy that you've mentioned word choice, because that's something I really try to work at. I'm also glad to hear that the newness of James and Lily's relationship came through.

And Peter, yeah, I agree with you -- he must have had his good qualities, or the others wouldn't have considered him such an important friend. On the other hand, somewhere along the way something got twisted. I don't think he's gone bad, yet, in my story, but I also had in mind the fact that future-Peter sets Sirius up to be completely alone for an awfully long time...