Buffy, Riley (yes, Riley) and Spike (1/2): Not-Entirely Random (Feminist) Ramblings
When it comes to BtVS, I'd promised myself that I would not write on my own journal here about subjects that are generally quite well-worn and have been discussed at length - and with great intellegence - by other people. Nevermind that I'll rant or blather at length about a variety of subjects (the comics, the episode AYW, etc etc) on other people
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Buffy was obviously concerned with Spike when she saw him crazy and with scratches on his chest in the basement, when she had no idea he had a soul.
I'd add - and this was inspired by Barb's comment above - the scene in Beneath You, specifically, where Buffy follows Spike to the church. She's seen him behave in a violent, insane manner; when he screams "help me" she dismisses him at first because priority #1 is helping Richard, who's injured and in shock. Only after she's made sure help is arriving and Xander and Anya are there to stay with him does she go after Spike (priority #2) to find out what's going on with him. Which actually seems like a pretty foolish thing to do - or would be for an ordinary woman, but of course she's the Slayer. She can "take him" but she doesn't know what to expect. If she didn't care about him, she wouldn't have even bothered.
"He has a soul now" is just an easy shorthand she uses with other people to defend her decisions regarding Spike.
I thought the exact same thing about that when she says it to Giles in First Date; he's not only talking as her Watcher, but as a father-figure who is disappointed in his daughter's choices ("I wanted so much more for you") AND as someone who lost his own love, Jenny, the last time Buffy made a souled vampire the center of her life ("That way lies pain and heartache": he's speaking from his own experience.) So he has ample reason to question her judgement here based on that (whether or not she is "proven right", his doubts are not unreasonable IMO), so I see her trying to justify her decision on both a moral and tactical level. She has to PROVE that love isn't clouding her judgement, and there's the irony - the First Slayer told her that she was full of love, that love would bring her to her gift; and in S2 she stated without hesitation that her emotions gave her strength - before Angelus broke her heart.
at that point, he's an ongoing project, he's changing and she believes he can change more and fight his demons.
*nods* When I think of Buffy/Spike, the phrase "progress not perfection" keeps popping in my head. Cliche perhaps, but apt.
On this subject I always defer to the_royal_anna because she said it so much better than I can: Buffy talks a lot in Season 7 about the fact that Spike has a soul. Of course it matters to her. It is everything to her, because she is the one who lost Angel his soul. That is who she is. That is what she is worth. She is the destruction of what is good and the end of hope, and she can save the world a thousand times but that will still hang over her. Until now. Because suddenly this is how much she is worth - she is worth a soul. She is worth a vampire going out and getting a soul for her, all for her, and yes, it matters to her. She is the Slayer and she can do anything and everything but she cannot earn back that soul, that damn soul that was lost at her hands and regained only for her to destroy it again, sending it to straight to Hell. But this time, this vampire takes it out of her hands. She cannot earn back that soul but he can. And what Buffy is only just starting to understand is what he can do for her is as much hers as what she can do for herself, that this gift of a soul is part of who he is, and who she is, and who they are.
http://the-royal-anna.livejournal.com/22963.html#cutid1
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I agree with everything you say about BY and LMPTM. One of the ironies of the situation is that Giles is as influenced by his own feelings as Buffy is, despite believing himself to be the voice of reason.
The fandom reactions to season 7 Buffy, especially regarding her relationship with Spike, are particularly ironic in that she's subject to two completely opposite criticisms: one portion of fans dislikes her for being too much affected by her emotions, for being too soft and forgiving with Spike and for prioritizing him and putting others at risk, while the other dislikes her for being harsh and cold and not loving or romantic enough (or even accuse her of being ruthless and manipulative). It's one of those no-win situations where a woman can't allow herself to appear affected by her emotions so she wouldn't be called weak and an "such an emotional girl" unqualified to be a leader, while at the same time she will face hate for being cold and unfeeling and unfeminine. Men in the same situation are rarely faced with those criticisms.
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Indeed. He had perfectly logical reasons for leaving Buffy and the Scoobies in S6, just as he had logical reasons for what he did to Buffy in Helpless; he's very good at rationalizing things. And obviously she's learned from her "father", or at least is making a very good effort at matching his logic with her own.
I'm struck by how in some ways, Giles is really "the one who sees" (I know Caleb says that of Xander, but Caleb is EVIL and an unreliable narrator, so I don't take what he says at face value.) Whether he chooses to act on what he sees or turns a blind eye is another matter (foreshadowed by Willow's spell in Something Blue.)
But remarkably Giles is the only one who is able to describe Buffy and Spike's relationship with any accuracy at this point: "You rely on him, he relies on you." that's their entire relationship right there. It's significant because while everyone else is trying to get Buffy to pin a label on their relationship, an easily-understood definition (Is he her "boyfriend"? Is she "in love" with him? What are they to each other?) Giles is the only one to actually describe how the relationship functions.
It's one of those no-win situations where a woman can't allow herself to appear affected by her emotions so she wouldn't be called weak and an "such an emotional girl" unqualified to be a leader, while at the same time she will face hate for being cold and unfeeling and unfeminine. Men in the same situation are rarely faced with those criticisms.
WORD to all of that. (Is the phrase "word" still used, btw?) Ironically, that "damned if you do damned if you don't" criticism exactly reproduces what Buffy faces from the Scoobies. And in RL I'm reminded of someone like - well, Hillary Clinton for instance. Remember when Bill was running for president and Hillary, an accomplished attorney, had to prove that she could bake cookies (or had a recipe published) in order to not be proven "less feminine" that Barbara Bush? And that's just one example.
I can't think of a single instance offhand of a man having to face the same sort of double-bind accusations, at least when it comes to emotions affecting their ability to function and lead capably.
In a way I'm actually surprised that Buffy and Spike's relationship wasn't used in some way as proof against her that she wasn't thinking clearly or leading capably in Empty Places (not to start a kerfuffle about that entire episode at the moment).
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