ouch.
Well, I finally heard back from X. Among other things, he let me know that he is involved in a rather serious relationship. And he carefully, but bluntly, told me not to hold on to any hope that we'll ever get back together. He was right to do so; holding on to hope has not done me any good. Well. Now I have closure. He sent me 2 email messages today, one to tell me about the relationship, and the other in response to the stuff he'd left at my place and any mutual property w/r/t my moving out. I called him -- at work, which was not a great idea -- and we talked for an hour or so. It was quite painful, but not, at least, destructive. And we were honest with each other. I did appreciate his willingness to talk, since I know it wasn't easy for him, either. I think we were both in tears at one point.
Shit. I feel like I've just fallen and had the wind knocked out of me. I know I needed to let go of my attachment to him. I still have trouble believing that, despite how very close we got and the very good things we shared, it's over. I am so tired of hurting all the time. I wish I'd been able to respond to him when it would have made a difference. And now, I just have to keep picking up my pieces and putting my life back together. I think about suicide periodically -- I tend to, when I'm really depressed -- but I've promised myself and my community that I won't do it this time.
We broke up nine months ago. We haven't seen each other in 5 months. And it still hurts so much. Remembering the things we shared is excruciating. And he has moved on. And I must, too.
Shit. I feel like I've just fallen and had the wind knocked out of me. I know I needed to let go of my attachment to him. I still have trouble believing that, despite how very close we got and the very good things we shared, it's over. I am so tired of hurting all the time. I wish I'd been able to respond to him when it would have made a difference. And now, I just have to keep picking up my pieces and putting my life back together. I think about suicide periodically -- I tend to, when I'm really depressed -- but I've promised myself and my community that I won't do it this time.
We broke up nine months ago. We haven't seen each other in 5 months. And it still hurts so much. Remembering the things we shared is excruciating. And he has moved on. And I must, too.