(no subject)
im having the most horrible night. i was watching an episode of greys anatomy, the one where georges dad dies (for those who know the show), and i just start crying. at first, i thought it was just because it was a sad part of the show, but then i just kept on going...i miss my dad. i started hating myself and him for time lost. time we could have spent hanging out and being stupid together. hes getting older and he has lots of things wrong with him and for some reason, because of his stubborn nature, he wont go on disability and come home. i need that time with him. growing up, i was a daddys girl. i would watch football with him and cheer on the cowboys, even though i didnt know even a third about what was going on. now all i get to do is watch the games alone and try to keep up, then call him and talk about what happened in the game with him. dont get me wrong, i love those conversations. i just miss sitting on the couch together,him screaming for his team, me screaming because hes screaming, bbqing, hugging him so tight when the boys won. i just wanna hug my dad. im so afraid that he doesnt know me anymore. hes gone so much...does he remember how to get me to laugh, what foods i wont eat, the things i like to do, what im afraid of? i just want us to be close again before its too late. i would drop everything in my life right now and fly to cali to spend even one day with him. i hope he knows that. i hope he knows how much i love him. i hope he knows.