aaaaarrrggg!!!
ive hit the point of breaking.
i really just cant take it anymore.
first it started with them never really being around and i understood that.
now that they are around i thought it would be much better. i thought itd be cool.
(im speaking of my parents, not dad, mom and stephen).
so now that i see them a lot more, all they talk to me about is how i need to change
and how im so irresponsible. do this! do that!
clean the living room! clean the kitchen!
well its gotten to the point when i dont even eat there and im hardly in the living room..
so therefore, if i do clean those areas, im not cleaning up after myself, im cleaning up
after stephen and thats not right.
the other day i had to clean up peanut shells off the floor....
I DONT EVEN FUCKING LIKE PEANUTS! everyone knows that.
not once do i get a, "how are you?", or "whats been going on?", or
"how are you and michaels?" ANYTHING besides "your room is dirty",
"you never help out", "you arent going to school", "you should work more",
"do something productive for once!"
its just like, whats the point in talking to them anymore.
i think the breaking point came when drew came over so we could go hang out
and mom proceeded to tell us both that we were "fuck-ups" and that it was depressing her.
so i began thinking it was me and decided to clean the fuck out of my room, pick up
more shifts at work, just pretty much get my shit together and that doesnt do shit for me.
i get the same old crap 24/7 and its stressing me out to the point where i get angry
when either one of them gets home. i hear their car door slam and immediately go to my room.
its even gotten to the point where ill act like im taking a nap so i dont have to talk to them.
do they ever think about how this affects me? im not trying to be selfish here, ive never
been a selfish person, but fuck!!!!! theres only so much a person can take before they snap!
and tonight...well, tonight that is just what happened.
i went to work and worked my ass off. we have 18 registers and they made me clean ALL OF THEM
alone, the black parts with mineral oil to make them shine, then pull carts, while checking in between,
so i wanted to have a little fun. i think i deserve that. so i went to hang out with sandra for a couple hrs.
i came home around 2:30am to find that they had put the chain lock on the door so that i wouldnt be able to
get into the house. they think that since im "not responsible" that i should come home directly after work and
not be allowed to go out on week nights. i should be home around 12. well, fuck that! im gna be 20 yrs old
later this year. what more do they want from me?
i pay my own bills.
i buy my own food.
i have a job.
my room is clean.
i just cant. im exhausted and i dont think i can do it anymore.
that was the final straw. them putting that chain up was pretty much a,
"fuck you. we dont want you here."
so thats what im gna do. my dad adores me. he treats me like a person.
we have intellectual conversations. he treats me like an adult.
he makes me feel welcome. ive always wanted more time with him.
i just feel...idk..i feel comfortable here.
at home, im always on my toes because i dont know what kind of mood
theyll be in when they get home.
i just think it would be better if i wasnt there.
ive had enough.
i dont need this stess.
i need to get back on track, but the way to do that is not to ride my ass.
ive made my mistakes and im learning from them.
let me do that.
im no longer a child.
im sorry.
i really just cant take it anymore.
first it started with them never really being around and i understood that.
now that they are around i thought it would be much better. i thought itd be cool.
(im speaking of my parents, not dad, mom and stephen).
so now that i see them a lot more, all they talk to me about is how i need to change
and how im so irresponsible. do this! do that!
clean the living room! clean the kitchen!
well its gotten to the point when i dont even eat there and im hardly in the living room..
so therefore, if i do clean those areas, im not cleaning up after myself, im cleaning up
after stephen and thats not right.
the other day i had to clean up peanut shells off the floor....
I DONT EVEN FUCKING LIKE PEANUTS! everyone knows that.
not once do i get a, "how are you?", or "whats been going on?", or
"how are you and michaels?" ANYTHING besides "your room is dirty",
"you never help out", "you arent going to school", "you should work more",
"do something productive for once!"
its just like, whats the point in talking to them anymore.
i think the breaking point came when drew came over so we could go hang out
and mom proceeded to tell us both that we were "fuck-ups" and that it was depressing her.
so i began thinking it was me and decided to clean the fuck out of my room, pick up
more shifts at work, just pretty much get my shit together and that doesnt do shit for me.
i get the same old crap 24/7 and its stressing me out to the point where i get angry
when either one of them gets home. i hear their car door slam and immediately go to my room.
its even gotten to the point where ill act like im taking a nap so i dont have to talk to them.
do they ever think about how this affects me? im not trying to be selfish here, ive never
been a selfish person, but fuck!!!!! theres only so much a person can take before they snap!
and tonight...well, tonight that is just what happened.
i went to work and worked my ass off. we have 18 registers and they made me clean ALL OF THEM
alone, the black parts with mineral oil to make them shine, then pull carts, while checking in between,
so i wanted to have a little fun. i think i deserve that. so i went to hang out with sandra for a couple hrs.
i came home around 2:30am to find that they had put the chain lock on the door so that i wouldnt be able to
get into the house. they think that since im "not responsible" that i should come home directly after work and
not be allowed to go out on week nights. i should be home around 12. well, fuck that! im gna be 20 yrs old
later this year. what more do they want from me?
i pay my own bills.
i buy my own food.
i have a job.
my room is clean.
i just cant. im exhausted and i dont think i can do it anymore.
that was the final straw. them putting that chain up was pretty much a,
"fuck you. we dont want you here."
so thats what im gna do. my dad adores me. he treats me like a person.
we have intellectual conversations. he treats me like an adult.
he makes me feel welcome. ive always wanted more time with him.
i just feel...idk..i feel comfortable here.
at home, im always on my toes because i dont know what kind of mood
theyll be in when they get home.
i just think it would be better if i wasnt there.
ive had enough.
i dont need this stess.
i need to get back on track, but the way to do that is not to ride my ass.
ive made my mistakes and im learning from them.
let me do that.
im no longer a child.
im sorry.