(no subject)
soo maybe things havent changed that much. maybe things arent as great as i think. maybe things didnt change at all...and i was just thinking things had for the better. im back to doing drugs..im back to smoking...back to drinking. so much for that great streak i was on. i guess its because i have nothing to stop myself from doing any of these things. i understand they arent the greatest thing for my body..but i like the way they make me feel. i thought i had filled this void in my heart...i guess i didnt..things werent like they seemed. i fall for girls too easily. i lose interest too easily. i give up too easily. these things have just become worse over time...i dont know how i can just let myself feel anymore...i keep on needing reasons why i can..which makes it near impossible. i suppose its because lately ive been thinking about why people fall in love, why they are attracted to other people-and its this why that has me baffled. maybe sometimes i should just let things happen even if i cant describe it in words? im very frustrated and confused. seems i have been questioning my whole view on relationships-i dont know why, maybe i have lost hope. early saturday (around 2am) i was downtown near all the clubs. most of the people were leaving and i made a lot of observations; all these people, who arent young, these are single people, these people are attractive, and as far as i know probably no different than the average human being. and now ive lost my thoughts.