what's wrong with me
I figured it out. I really did this time. I know exactly what's wrong with me. And It's something I should have been able to pick up on earlier. Oh god I'm a horrible human being. How is it that everytime I try to bring people in, I push them away? Why does that happen? Why do I always try for the impossible? I can't blame anyone but myself for the way I act and the way I behave. I can't put this on anyone else's shoulders I can't say it's someone else's fault that I do this. I can't say that other people are the reason this always happens. It sucks because I realize now how difficult it must be for the people I put through this. I understand how it must make them feel. So just do me a favor from now on, if you know what I'm talking about and it happens to you, you should just stop interacting with me, cause it's all gonna devolve into a hell where no one will be happy. My unhappiness has made a nice little black hole for me to force others into. I give up. Whatever happens now happens, if I'm passive, nothing good happens, if I'm proactive it gets worse, I don't understand.