I don't believe in grammar
Today I slept off a bout of irrational blog posting. I then ate more than I should have because it had been a good two days since I really ate anything, but I just can't keep track of everything all the time. I deleted my propaganda before I posted it, only to sit back down tonight and spit more out. I don't want to know you check up on me, it doesn't seem like a fair thing to tell me. Nor is making the chicken spicy and killing my stomach, but whatever. It's easier to play nice, but it's hard to hear how well we seem to get along. Then I try to remember everything and I can't and it worries me but I still hope to never run into you until the next time our paths cross (just don't let it happen). And it's really rather gross because I know it's just me and I hate that I still run around inflating egos.
I still feel pretty irrational. All my best intentions won't count for shit most of the time, and it's worse when I just want something better for someone who is about to give up on themself. The last twenty four hours have just been disconcerting, mainly tonight. I'm still in love with love but it's just as illusive as ever. Like most failed romances, it's just something to vaguely recall and to question if it really ever did exist. We are always pretending to be someone else, we behave certain ways to get somewhere else. We hide behind semantics and we stay outside smoking or still give that stupid smile and we somehow stay under my skin. I've pretended to be so many people and a few times it was really nice, but it'll never last. I'm the gullible one, I'm the fallible one and I don't leave any lasting impression. I did once, but that was before I was bored with being one person, and/or myself. The power to change but never really adapt to anywhere, to disappear even though I remain tied to one place for reasons I forgot long ago. The reasons why I came here, the reasons why I'll post this nonsense knowing who will probably read it. The reasons why I might still care. I miss the companionship, and I'm still not used to sleeping alone but I'm more me than I have been for a while. I'm not what they expect and when the dust settles, I'm just ruining lives (allegedly, right?) but I'm that same fickle girl who can easily be talked in and out of all sorts of affairs.
I appreciate flattery, and I appreciate kind people, and I really appreciate the two from attractive people of the opposite sex. I'm not sure what I have to offer anyone but I do believe we can enjoy ourselves figuring it out. Circumstances have me in check though, and I haven't married away the next five months in a matter of days. Inconvenience in convenient for keeping me in check, even if I may indeed miss seeing a certain young man.
Yes, I shat out more el jay nonsense, and yes it's written with a certain audience in mind but if you're going to go out looking for something, don't feel too flattered when you find it. Or do, because it makes me angry that these thoughts even crossed my head.
I still feel pretty irrational. All my best intentions won't count for shit most of the time, and it's worse when I just want something better for someone who is about to give up on themself. The last twenty four hours have just been disconcerting, mainly tonight. I'm still in love with love but it's just as illusive as ever. Like most failed romances, it's just something to vaguely recall and to question if it really ever did exist. We are always pretending to be someone else, we behave certain ways to get somewhere else. We hide behind semantics and we stay outside smoking or still give that stupid smile and we somehow stay under my skin. I've pretended to be so many people and a few times it was really nice, but it'll never last. I'm the gullible one, I'm the fallible one and I don't leave any lasting impression. I did once, but that was before I was bored with being one person, and/or myself. The power to change but never really adapt to anywhere, to disappear even though I remain tied to one place for reasons I forgot long ago. The reasons why I came here, the reasons why I'll post this nonsense knowing who will probably read it. The reasons why I might still care. I miss the companionship, and I'm still not used to sleeping alone but I'm more me than I have been for a while. I'm not what they expect and when the dust settles, I'm just ruining lives (allegedly, right?) but I'm that same fickle girl who can easily be talked in and out of all sorts of affairs.
I appreciate flattery, and I appreciate kind people, and I really appreciate the two from attractive people of the opposite sex. I'm not sure what I have to offer anyone but I do believe we can enjoy ourselves figuring it out. Circumstances have me in check though, and I haven't married away the next five months in a matter of days. Inconvenience in convenient for keeping me in check, even if I may indeed miss seeing a certain young man.
Yes, I shat out more el jay nonsense, and yes it's written with a certain audience in mind but if you're going to go out looking for something, don't feel too flattered when you find it. Or do, because it makes me angry that these thoughts even crossed my head.