'a walrus.' "I thought I told you to stop making up animals!"
so yesterday was pretty boring. but steven was there,so it was worth it,he made my day. wardah, chelsea and i had girl talk...do you know how long its been since someone one just let me talk? let me talk and hear their comments, but not their criticism. I kinda quit talking to anyone cuase all they do is point out my faults... and so here i was talking to people i generally don't about stuff that REALLY wasn't any of their buisness. but oh well. i felt a lot better afterwards.
ok well today has been ...emotional. i went to the movies with lindsey at 1 to see the Polar Express. it made me sad, to think about all the little kids that are too poor to have christmas, or thier family isn't around, and how it makes them react to things such as christmas. really sad. I'd give them everything I had to my name if I knew it could make things better. I'm such a sap. I give my things away all the time, and I know it doesn't do the person too much good, I just can't help but think it helps at least a little. I just want people to be happy and it drives me crazy when I can't fix their problem, but I also know that it is their problem to fix, not mine, nor is it my business. I just want to help and make everyone happy, sooo bad. One of my faults, I know. then I came home and tried to play my all region music. this is what i hate. Everyone just expects me to be a genious with the oboe automatically. no one understands it takes me months to get something down as well as they want ESPECIALLY all region. my dad wants me to do it in 2 weeks with no help. I can't. I can not do it on my own, and what is he gonna do? yell at me. everyday for the rest of my life. i can deal with pressure, but i don't understand where this fury is coming from. and i just can't do it. granted, i can do some serious work this week and make major improvements, but there are some incredible oboe players, and by previous observation,they will run right over me. I have very little hope of making it. but me going isn't enough for my dad. me going and making it isn't enough for my dad. I HAVE to make all state. i have no choice. If i'm not 1st chair top band and in all STATE, i am a failure to him. you can only be told that so many times and its really starting...aah nvm. I really didn't mean to complain in here and I really don't want anyone to tell me they are sorry, cause you have nothing to do with any of it. and i'm a tough girl, i can pull through, no problem. i'll just have to work some. and well...i'm not gonna worry about it. i'll do what i can. alright to the...one person that reads this, adios! and mucho lurve stace.
ok well today has been ...emotional. i went to the movies with lindsey at 1 to see the Polar Express. it made me sad, to think about all the little kids that are too poor to have christmas, or thier family isn't around, and how it makes them react to things such as christmas. really sad. I'd give them everything I had to my name if I knew it could make things better. I'm such a sap. I give my things away all the time, and I know it doesn't do the person too much good, I just can't help but think it helps at least a little. I just want people to be happy and it drives me crazy when I can't fix their problem, but I also know that it is their problem to fix, not mine, nor is it my business. I just want to help and make everyone happy, sooo bad. One of my faults, I know. then I came home and tried to play my all region music. this is what i hate. Everyone just expects me to be a genious with the oboe automatically. no one understands it takes me months to get something down as well as they want ESPECIALLY all region. my dad wants me to do it in 2 weeks with no help. I can't. I can not do it on my own, and what is he gonna do? yell at me. everyday for the rest of my life. i can deal with pressure, but i don't understand where this fury is coming from. and i just can't do it. granted, i can do some serious work this week and make major improvements, but there are some incredible oboe players, and by previous observation,they will run right over me. I have very little hope of making it. but me going isn't enough for my dad. me going and making it isn't enough for my dad. I HAVE to make all state. i have no choice. If i'm not 1st chair top band and in all STATE, i am a failure to him. you can only be told that so many times and its really starting...aah nvm. I really didn't mean to complain in here and I really don't want anyone to tell me they are sorry, cause you have nothing to do with any of it. and i'm a tough girl, i can pull through, no problem. i'll just have to work some. and well...i'm not gonna worry about it. i'll do what i can. alright to the...one person that reads this, adios! and mucho lurve stace.