i'm an underachiever at heart.
so Amnesty emailed me and asked for more references (gawd). i sent them and then got this response:
Hi Holly,
Thanks for providing the additional info. I think this should be sufficient.
We're still in the final decision process, and it's a bit soon to say how it will play out. One way or the other, you'll be hearing from us soon.
Best,
Wende
grrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaattttttttttttttttt.
i have come to a decision.
i have made some of the best friends of my life so far since moving to new york. i've had a ton of job experience/life experience. i've been REAL fucked up, met stupid famous people, wore some cool outfits (hahaha), tried a lot of bars and restaurants, went to some enough to feel like a regular...met a lot of random new people...feel like some people know who i am. feel pretty confident that i can do a lot of stuff and that i'm not a loser after all. i mean, new york is new york is new york. it's CRAZY. and i DID IT. but i'm POOR. why should i STAY if i don't get this JOB?!
all i really want to do is go back to Africa or travel somewhere else. so if i don't get it, i might leave...maybe i have a need for change because it's the summertime. maybe it's cause i looked at a friend's myspace profile and read that she's moving back to Austin, Texas. maybe it's because the very limited exposure to romance i've had here is extremely negative and i'm not so into an uphill battle in that department for the rest of my twenties. maybe i don't care about this shallow stuff and i'm not materialistic, so maybe this isn't the right place for me?
maybe it's cause i was sort of astonished to hear about the "normal lives" and higher life quality of philly peeps.
maybe it's cause i kinda hate my bedroom and apartment and am thinking i need out of there anyway.
guys, i feel like i've in part conquered this city and in part like i'm never good enough when i'm here. i should be thinner and working harder BLAH BLAH BLAH.
this may be a spoke in my bipolar disorder and i'd miss some people so much it kinda hurts to think about it (not like i couldn't visit NYC easily from PA).
but if i don't get this....i think all of this might be over. i have my own thing going on (completely) and always have, but i've been really affected by my failed romantic ventures recently. i think it's made me a little bit sad all the time for too long. not like i'll meet anyone in pennsylvania...well, maybe the people i meet won't be quite so critical and quite so accusatory.
also, i'm over "the business". it ain't me. i'm the girl who went on hikes looking for special breeds of toads and mushrooms growing up. i'm not the girl who wants to own an agency or edit a fashion magazine.
maybe all the shit talking i did about friends who stayed and/or moved back to PA while i was going for all these empty dreams is also making me think twice. if i don't get this, i need to start over. isn't that crazy? yeah, i'm crazy. i can handle change very well. i can make gigantic life changes suddenly and without warning. it may be a character flaw, but it's helped me in the past.