em-urgency
i want my Labor Day weekend back.
september is stressing me out. the days are getting shorter, my time living in the city is drawing to a close, the work-at-home life had better end soon. and with all the free time i've had, not just this weekend but this summer, i've felt a terrible regret that i haven't done enough. as much as i've enjoyed this time, i somehow feel like i've wasted so much more.
the highlight of my summer was probably the SoCal road trip we took for a wedding. we spent some proper time breathing fresh air, got sunshine, made memories, had racing hearts out of exhilaration and not on a cardio machine, connected with old friends, dined divinely, and talked.
other than that, it's been too much
tv, movies, sleeping in, staying in, eating, freshening up, driving, recovering, and always working
and not enough
creating, remembering, planning, accomplishing for ourselves, building, cleansing, exploring, appreciating, bubble bathing, swimming, dancing, trying, refreshing, and playing.
Today a coworker explained why she had worked all day monday instead of taking the third day off - "you know that feeling when you've had enough rest and you've enjoyed the weekend enough?" - and i couldn't tell her how i'd felt the exact opposite on monday, where i knew i had work to do but i couldn't bring myself to do it because i felt like i hadn't had enough rest or enjoyment for my weekend to be over yet. and i couldn't rest or enjoy any more because i had work to do, and my weekend had to be over already.
that's kind of like this time of year. i haven't had my fill of summer, and i'm not ready to resign it yet. there's so much i want to do and see and feel. but obligations and responsibilities and fear looms, threatening to waste away my indian summer before i can salvage it as something i can look back on next year, perhaps seeing it as my favorite time of life.
september is stressing me out. the days are getting shorter, my time living in the city is drawing to a close, the work-at-home life had better end soon. and with all the free time i've had, not just this weekend but this summer, i've felt a terrible regret that i haven't done enough. as much as i've enjoyed this time, i somehow feel like i've wasted so much more.
the highlight of my summer was probably the SoCal road trip we took for a wedding. we spent some proper time breathing fresh air, got sunshine, made memories, had racing hearts out of exhilaration and not on a cardio machine, connected with old friends, dined divinely, and talked.
other than that, it's been too much
tv, movies, sleeping in, staying in, eating, freshening up, driving, recovering, and always working
and not enough
creating, remembering, planning, accomplishing for ourselves, building, cleansing, exploring, appreciating, bubble bathing, swimming, dancing, trying, refreshing, and playing.
Today a coworker explained why she had worked all day monday instead of taking the third day off - "you know that feeling when you've had enough rest and you've enjoyed the weekend enough?" - and i couldn't tell her how i'd felt the exact opposite on monday, where i knew i had work to do but i couldn't bring myself to do it because i felt like i hadn't had enough rest or enjoyment for my weekend to be over yet. and i couldn't rest or enjoy any more because i had work to do, and my weekend had to be over already.
that's kind of like this time of year. i haven't had my fill of summer, and i'm not ready to resign it yet. there's so much i want to do and see and feel. but obligations and responsibilities and fear looms, threatening to waste away my indian summer before i can salvage it as something i can look back on next year, perhaps seeing it as my favorite time of life.