The system, my dear friends, is down

[red_clarity]

An assortment of bedding, towels, and other dorm-related aquisitions is staring at me from across the room. I can never help but personify belongings, and this stuff is a stranger that smells like new plastic, third-wheeling it with me and the bedroom I've slept in since I was eight years old. It's almost awkward to spend time at home anymore. I leave a week from tommorrow, and that, coupled with a sickening nostalgia, has pretty much occupied every second of concious thought I've had in the past two weeks. It's starting to annoy me. I'm glad to be leaving Statesboro, grateful to be going somewhere new, excited about the opportunities and expireinces ahead of me, but for some reason my head and my heart have chosen not to focus on the postitives. The fact of it is, when I go, I'll be leaving friends and a large part of myself behind. I plan to keep in touch with people, of course, but with the excpetion of two or three, I doubt we'll be able to stay as close as we are now. And that hurts. I can't stop thinking about it, even though I know I'll meet new people and make new friends.

Maybe this is really about loneliness, about how no matter how close you are to someone, ending a friendship is just as natural as beginning one. Maybe it's about my plans for the future, and how over the next four years, my options grow increasingly limited. About how easy it would be for me to prescribe to someone else's plan for my future, and about how I won't let that happen. In any case, I've been angsty and emotional lately, it annoys me, and I can't wait to move so that this preocupation with brevity, friendship, and the unknown will, finally, please dear lord, be over.)