In the Clear
I'm done; and now I know better than to have any regrets. Now I know far too well to think ill of the things I've done.
Now? When I look back at all of the shit I put myself through, all the things I blamed myself for and failed to comprehend...
I can't, and I won't, avoid seeing how those proclaimed 'mistakes' and 'problems' have kept me safe from the world around me.
I've traced the final route to the problem, the source of the things that rose around it as nothing but symptoms;
I've seen how my self-loathing pushed me to excel;
I've seen how my inability to adhere to others and the following hatred of myself for what I sacrificed in trying so hard led me to focus on myself,
How searching for all of the problems to fix, all of the things to direct to better ensure I came out in the clear, was not led by some delusion;
How failing to obey the shallow comforts and ignorant convictions of others has saved me.
I see how wrong I was in letting myself be convinced that this disorder made me ill as though no one else was,
But I see also where that idea drove me to focus on understanding myself with an unparalleled thoroughness.
I see that my inability to find anyone with the answers had naught to do with my inability to understand what they said;
I see that others having failed to hear when I screamed for help has so much more to do with them being unable to hear themselves.
And now, the better I become, the more I realize how sick the world around me is.
I listen to your words alone, no more; I will not adopt your false doubts and inability to see.
If you wish to confront me, learn to think first; then think on what I've said.
Don't just snap that reply to show your opinion; but hear my words, listen to what I'm telling you, and try applying it yourself.
You won't find the truth by ignoring the validity to the words of others.
You won't find the truth beyond you when you don't even know what's within.
Don't let the world around you tear you down, dear. You could never afford to hide from yourself;
and you've been doing it for too long.
Now? When I look back at all of the shit I put myself through, all the things I blamed myself for and failed to comprehend...
I can't, and I won't, avoid seeing how those proclaimed 'mistakes' and 'problems' have kept me safe from the world around me.
I've traced the final route to the problem, the source of the things that rose around it as nothing but symptoms;
I've seen how my self-loathing pushed me to excel;
I've seen how my inability to adhere to others and the following hatred of myself for what I sacrificed in trying so hard led me to focus on myself,
How searching for all of the problems to fix, all of the things to direct to better ensure I came out in the clear, was not led by some delusion;
How failing to obey the shallow comforts and ignorant convictions of others has saved me.
I see how wrong I was in letting myself be convinced that this disorder made me ill as though no one else was,
But I see also where that idea drove me to focus on understanding myself with an unparalleled thoroughness.
I see that my inability to find anyone with the answers had naught to do with my inability to understand what they said;
I see that others having failed to hear when I screamed for help has so much more to do with them being unable to hear themselves.
And now, the better I become, the more I realize how sick the world around me is.
I listen to your words alone, no more; I will not adopt your false doubts and inability to see.
If you wish to confront me, learn to think first; then think on what I've said.
Don't just snap that reply to show your opinion; but hear my words, listen to what I'm telling you, and try applying it yourself.
You won't find the truth by ignoring the validity to the words of others.
You won't find the truth beyond you when you don't even know what's within.
Don't let the world around you tear you down, dear. You could never afford to hide from yourself;
and you've been doing it for too long.