I should be sleeping...
I just updated (sorta) my other LJ, but there are some things on my mind that I just can't say there. This is basically just a rant because I'm confused and stuff (as always).
Soooo I've been with.. Mop? Is that what I called him in some other entry? Yeah, I've been with Mop for a while. I haven't actually SEEN him recently... possibly because our sleep schedules are different and I haven't been going to APP... but we're still talking on AIM. You know what I've noticed? We have nothing to talk about if it doesn't involve DDR/ITG/arcades. I thought we'd get over this or something but it's just really hard to keep a conversation going (I end up rambling and then I realize it and stop and then there's silence). But that's not really what I'm confused about.
Last monday... I went to Main Event out of boredom, thinking Mop might be there because he mentioned going. Well, he wasn't there, and they ended up being sold out of the "Monday Night Madness" deal, but I stayed anyway. I ended up making a new friend who paid for all my games with HIS unlimited gamecard. I shall call him Broom. Yes, I am quite the nicknamer. I was almost instantly attracted to him after I talked to him, and almost instantly felt guilty about it. We had fun, but the night ended and we both left without a way to contact each other, so I thought.. Ok, I don't need to feel guilty, probably won't see him again. Well I went again today. There was no Broom when I got there, but then he showed up.. and then we spent the evening together again, except actually going everywhere together instead of just kinda seeming to bump into each other everywhere (lol). He talked about his ex girlfriend for a while because we got on the subject of past relationships somehow.. He mentioned that he can be a really jealous guy and then said "You'll find out how jealous I can get if.. uhh.. how else can I word this.. whatever, if you ever go out with me." and then he added "which will probably be never" really quickly. We exchanged numbers (his idea) and he hugged me before I left, with a "See you next monday" or something like that.
And that's why I'm confused. I have questions running through my head like crazy. Well the obvious question in my head is.. does Broom actually like me or is he just flirty? Because if he doesn't like me there's no point in me getting worked up over this. Should I tell Mop yet? I kinda want to see where this goes before I make any big decisions, but sooner might be better. I don't want to hurt him... but blatantly cheating on him is not an option in my book. Would I be better off with Mop or with Broom or.. alone? What if I do dump Mop? I'll still see him at the arcade a lot, that will be awkward. What would be the best way to tell him? I have no clue. Am I a bad person for this? Is it my fault that this happened? But nothing has happened really. Broom might not even like me. I'm working myself up over nothing. I should just stay with Mop... I just can't help thinking about this more, even though I tell myself it's nothing over and over. I felt a real connection with Broom and he's easy to talk to. Maybe he could just be a good friend?
Maybe the real question is... Why am I nicknaming guys after cleaning tools? Guys CAUSE messes, not clean them up!! I really am confused.
End rant.
Soooo I've been with.. Mop? Is that what I called him in some other entry? Yeah, I've been with Mop for a while. I haven't actually SEEN him recently... possibly because our sleep schedules are different and I haven't been going to APP... but we're still talking on AIM. You know what I've noticed? We have nothing to talk about if it doesn't involve DDR/ITG/arcades. I thought we'd get over this or something but it's just really hard to keep a conversation going (I end up rambling and then I realize it and stop and then there's silence). But that's not really what I'm confused about.
Last monday... I went to Main Event out of boredom, thinking Mop might be there because he mentioned going. Well, he wasn't there, and they ended up being sold out of the "Monday Night Madness" deal, but I stayed anyway. I ended up making a new friend who paid for all my games with HIS unlimited gamecard. I shall call him Broom. Yes, I am quite the nicknamer. I was almost instantly attracted to him after I talked to him, and almost instantly felt guilty about it. We had fun, but the night ended and we both left without a way to contact each other, so I thought.. Ok, I don't need to feel guilty, probably won't see him again. Well I went again today. There was no Broom when I got there, but then he showed up.. and then we spent the evening together again, except actually going everywhere together instead of just kinda seeming to bump into each other everywhere (lol). He talked about his ex girlfriend for a while because we got on the subject of past relationships somehow.. He mentioned that he can be a really jealous guy and then said "You'll find out how jealous I can get if.. uhh.. how else can I word this.. whatever, if you ever go out with me." and then he added "which will probably be never" really quickly. We exchanged numbers (his idea) and he hugged me before I left, with a "See you next monday" or something like that.
And that's why I'm confused. I have questions running through my head like crazy. Well the obvious question in my head is.. does Broom actually like me or is he just flirty? Because if he doesn't like me there's no point in me getting worked up over this. Should I tell Mop yet? I kinda want to see where this goes before I make any big decisions, but sooner might be better. I don't want to hurt him... but blatantly cheating on him is not an option in my book. Would I be better off with Mop or with Broom or.. alone? What if I do dump Mop? I'll still see him at the arcade a lot, that will be awkward. What would be the best way to tell him? I have no clue. Am I a bad person for this? Is it my fault that this happened? But nothing has happened really. Broom might not even like me. I'm working myself up over nothing. I should just stay with Mop... I just can't help thinking about this more, even though I tell myself it's nothing over and over. I felt a real connection with Broom and he's easy to talk to. Maybe he could just be a good friend?
Maybe the real question is... Why am I nicknaming guys after cleaning tools? Guys CAUSE messes, not clean them up!! I really am confused.
End rant.