(no subject)

[red_army_grunt]

my life is really in shambles at this point. wait,work,worry,sleep over and over.i've started to get a twitch under my left eye, i dunno what its from proally the stress i keep forcing but i dont know its just annoying

i try and find reasons to not look back on things but often i find its hard not to constantly dwell, its a horrable curse

if i had gotten through it alot would be different, i would have a semi weaker relation with most of my family, even though i know their disapointed of me on some level.
i would be married
i could be dead

i would have acomplished somthing in my life besides constantly misspelling things

i also cant help but look back on us. she's pretty much what a skinny female for of me would be, to a T even in the underscores we have in our emails. she's the same annoying as me,worrysome as me, etc. although i dont know how much of that is true now our convos always degrade into her calling me a name and trying to make me jealous and me trying to maintian a civil tounge

i think had things been diff and i not so rash and undecisive we would have done well together for awhile at least.

i do miss those pet names, thats what keeps me up at night somtimes, mosttimes