i'm such a fucking douche
well there is about 10 things i want to write about but for your sake i shall limit it just to a few.
work: work is pretty easy right now and by saying this i've jus tkinxed myself. if it were like this all the time i would definatly forget about the military, and as far as that goes i'm still good to go as far as i know, i wont officaly go into the recruiting office untill the begining of july.
still no luck trying to find the gorrilla.
everyweek: mon-fri work from 630am to about 530pm go to bed at 11 or 12
fri and sat night, buy beer and go over to brian,darcy and alex's,watch darcy go out, drink with brian, somtimes go to a house party or somthing and enevitably get so nervous about talking to some girl, then realize even if i did they'd proally reject me. rinse and repeat
so during the past month, we have alot of down time while working,and i've been getting, not exactly a sick feeling in my stomache but a definatly queezyness when i think about her and what i did,what i said i would do and never did.i jus wish so much i had made her move up here,then marry her like we had talked about.i'm a bad person for what i did and i think its doomed to haunt me for a very very long time.i havnt talked to her seriously in awhile but from what she's told me, she's definatly moved on. i read her lj somtimes, she's going out with some guy who seems to make her happy,it sounds cliche but i'm happy she's happy, even if it isnt with me, we shared somthing special and i fucked it up by being slefish.now its to late, she's a long way away, in more way than one.its been 2 years and only just now am i feeling the loss the way i should have.
i've decided now, doing what i did to her,not going to see grandpa in his last days,ebing mean to jake in high school...this is why i'm being punished now,its why i'm punishing myself.why i'm doomed to repeat myself
i fucked up bad, i'm going to hell
work: work is pretty easy right now and by saying this i've jus tkinxed myself. if it were like this all the time i would definatly forget about the military, and as far as that goes i'm still good to go as far as i know, i wont officaly go into the recruiting office untill the begining of july.
still no luck trying to find the gorrilla.
everyweek: mon-fri work from 630am to about 530pm go to bed at 11 or 12
fri and sat night, buy beer and go over to brian,darcy and alex's,watch darcy go out, drink with brian, somtimes go to a house party or somthing and enevitably get so nervous about talking to some girl, then realize even if i did they'd proally reject me. rinse and repeat
so during the past month, we have alot of down time while working,and i've been getting, not exactly a sick feeling in my stomache but a definatly queezyness when i think about her and what i did,what i said i would do and never did.i jus wish so much i had made her move up here,then marry her like we had talked about.i'm a bad person for what i did and i think its doomed to haunt me for a very very long time.i havnt talked to her seriously in awhile but from what she's told me, she's definatly moved on. i read her lj somtimes, she's going out with some guy who seems to make her happy,it sounds cliche but i'm happy she's happy, even if it isnt with me, we shared somthing special and i fucked it up by being slefish.now its to late, she's a long way away, in more way than one.its been 2 years and only just now am i feeling the loss the way i should have.
i've decided now, doing what i did to her,not going to see grandpa in his last days,ebing mean to jake in high school...this is why i'm being punished now,its why i'm punishing myself.why i'm doomed to repeat myself
i fucked up bad, i'm going to hell