JOKES
Q - Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?
A - You have to hollow out the head.
Q - What happened to the blonde ice hockey team?
A - They drowned during Spring Training.
Pedro was driving down the street in a panic because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up toward heaven, he said "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up tequila." Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Pedro looked up again and said "Never mind. I found one."
A little girl and a little boy were playing house at their day care. After nap time, the little girl approached the little boy and said, “Hey, Tommy, wanna play house?”
He said, “Sure! What do you want me to do?” The girl replied, “I want you to communicate your thoughts.”
“Communicate my thoughts?” replied the bewildered Tommy. “I have no idea what that means.”
The little girl smiled and said, “Perfect, you can be the husband.”
Q. What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
A. Sexual harassment!
Q. What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
A. $3.99 a minute!
Q. How do you get a bass player to stop playing?
A. Put sheet music in front of him.
1000 men were asked to complete a survey of what they liked best about a
oral sex
.3% liked the warmth.
4% enjoyed the sensation.
93% appreciated the silence.
A blonde gets on an airplane and goes straight to 1st class and sits down. The stewardess comes by and tells her she has to move to her seat in coach. She tells the stewardess " I'm blonde, and beautiful and going to Dallas." The stewardess doesn't know what to do to get her to move so she goes to the cockpit. She explains the situation to the pilot and co-pilot. The co-pilotgoes back and tells her she has to go to her seat in coach. She again says " I'm blonde, and beautiful and going to Dallas."
He goes back and tells the pilot he had no success. The pilot says " I have a blonde wife. I know how to speak blonde." He goes back and whispers in her ear. She says " Oh, I didn't know" and moves back to her coach seat. The stewardess and the co-pilot both want to know what he said to make her move. The pilot says I just told her that 1st class wasn't going to Dallas!
Two friends, a blonde and a brunette, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the brunette happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers. She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again...for no reason."
The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "What's the big deal, don't you like getting flowers?"
The brunette says, "Oh sure... but he always has expectations after getting me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."
The blonde says, ....."Don't you have a vase?"
A - You have to hollow out the head.
Q - What happened to the blonde ice hockey team?
A - They drowned during Spring Training.
Pedro was driving down the street in a panic because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up toward heaven, he said "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up tequila." Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Pedro looked up again and said "Never mind. I found one."
A little girl and a little boy were playing house at their day care. After nap time, the little girl approached the little boy and said, “Hey, Tommy, wanna play house?”
He said, “Sure! What do you want me to do?” The girl replied, “I want you to communicate your thoughts.”
“Communicate my thoughts?” replied the bewildered Tommy. “I have no idea what that means.”
The little girl smiled and said, “Perfect, you can be the husband.”
Q. What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
A. Sexual harassment!
Q. What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
A. $3.99 a minute!
Q. How do you get a bass player to stop playing?
A. Put sheet music in front of him.
1000 men were asked to complete a survey of what they liked best about a
oral sex
.3% liked the warmth.
4% enjoyed the sensation.
93% appreciated the silence.
A blonde gets on an airplane and goes straight to 1st class and sits down. The stewardess comes by and tells her she has to move to her seat in coach. She tells the stewardess " I'm blonde, and beautiful and going to Dallas." The stewardess doesn't know what to do to get her to move so she goes to the cockpit. She explains the situation to the pilot and co-pilot. The co-pilotgoes back and tells her she has to go to her seat in coach. She again says " I'm blonde, and beautiful and going to Dallas."
He goes back and tells the pilot he had no success. The pilot says " I have a blonde wife. I know how to speak blonde." He goes back and whispers in her ear. She says " Oh, I didn't know" and moves back to her coach seat. The stewardess and the co-pilot both want to know what he said to make her move. The pilot says I just told her that 1st class wasn't going to Dallas!
Two friends, a blonde and a brunette, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the brunette happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers. She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again...for no reason."
The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "What's the big deal, don't you like getting flowers?"
The brunette says, "Oh sure... but he always has expectations after getting me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."
The blonde says, ....."Don't you have a vase?"