This Cycle is all too familar to me...

[red7rum]

I don't even think anybody is gonna read this, since the one person that did has discontinued contact with me, but I'm bored as hell and I've got a lot on my mind, so I'm gonna type anyways, and talk to myself I guess. Let's see, what's new....Saturday was Mr.Mike's 18th Birthday, it was fun as hell. It prolly would have been a lot more fun had I not been trying to hide how fucking depressed I was the whole time, but still. When we got to Heather's for the party, she had the whole place decorated. Not only was that sweet of her, but it was cool as hell to have one of our parties decorated, we aint never had that before. We all got pills as usual, plus Mike bought an ounce with his birthday money. OmegA rolled him a buetiful birthday blunt, it was great. Like I said before, I was depressed as hell most of the party. I was in a great mood while rolling, but once it wore off I crashed hard. I ended up going to sleep on the floor while the party keep going cuz I didnt wanna risk breaking down infront of everybody or something. I've pretty much been in a pit since then, with small bursts of happiness or indifference appearing occasionally. I just don't get what I did that's so bad that we cant even be friends. I mean, I know what she thinks I did, but all the shit she accused me of either wasnt said at all, or was said but not like she heard, or just one reason or another incorrect. Yes, I did talk about how she was stressful and that we fought, but everyone knows that, that's how her and me are. And I guess whoever told her all that shit forgot to mention how much I talked about how much fun I had, or about how much I love her, or how much I miss her, or how I couldnt wait to get back out there, i guess they missed that part. And yes, I did TRY coke, key word, try. I didnt even get high off it, I did 2 tiny ass lines and got kinda hyper, that's about it. I haven't touched the shit since, and really dont plan on it. The only real reason I did it at all was cuz I had been curious bout it lately and I figured a party with all my trusted friends around me was safe place to just get it out of my system, which I did. I just dont fucking get it, I didn't do anything, our friendship ended completely based of rumors and heresay, not one cold hard fact at all. When she said that this was goodbye forever, I wanted to beg and plead with her, but I couldn't. I couldn't fight and apologize for something I didnt do again. It's been killing me ever since. I love her like crazy, and tho I was coming to the conclusion that we weren't really meant to date, I still wanted to be her friend. But no, since somebody had to tell her all that bullshit, and since she had to take the few facts the wrong way, I've now lost one of my closest friends. I just dont know what to fucking do, but I guess I just gotta cut my loses and try to move on, just like all the times before.

"Tomorrow we will talk about yesterday,
Right now I've got nothing to say honestly.
Feel betrayed, like my love was ripped out of me
This cycle is all too familar to me.
This cycle is all too familar to me."