wow
wow, what an interesting night. before we go there ill update the past week. moved in, went through training, drank a lot, went to the bars and started class. thats the gist of what ive dont since ive moved in. havent been bad while ive been here. was a little the first night back. he slept here, you know the deal. then a bunch of us hung out at his place saturday night. we had a training party. got drunk and like 6 of us went swimming. then we went skinny dipping. that was the first time ive ever done that. it was interesting. then when everyone went home i stayed there but nothing happened. i fell asleep in his bed. he did offer casual sex (who does that???) with me before we went swimming but i held back because i wanted to see what would happen if he would do anything. we both fell asleep so nothing did happen. then i got upset cause the next day i heard he didnt go home with his roommates and i wondered what he was doing. then someone told me they saw him walk away with some girls. that did upset me. the same thing kinda happened friday night. i saw him with this girl and thought what does she have that i dont?? just because shes skinny and blonde and wearing a little skirt doesnt mean shes better than me. i hate seeing what im not. it sucked. before that on wed and thursday i went to the bars and he went also. he drove me home both nights but didnt want to at all come upstairs. he made that completly clear. whatever. well now to last night. hung out at steins and got drunk. i was drunk by 1030 so i kinda held back and didnt drink that much after cause i didnt want to get sick. well this guy shows up, a friend of everyone. really nice guy. i started talking to him bymyelf on the porch. he seemed like a cool guy. then we were all in the kitchen later in the night and i wanted to sit and he let me sit on his lap. i know that doesnt sound like much but it did to me. we then smoked together cause he wanted to smoke with me. we then went back into the kichen and he started to rub my neck. it made me think, is this guy flirting with me right in front of my ex boyfriend??? yes, he was. then went to smoke a cigarette with colin and he asked me what was going on with me and him. i didnt really know. we were just hanging out. i felt kinda bad cause colin was there but he broke up with me. i dont think i should have rubbed it in his face cause after we watched empire records and the both of us sat in the big leather chair together. it started to get late, the sun was starting to come out when the movie ended and we were both outside and i dont know but we just started kissing. it was nice. i really enjoyed his company last night but i dont know why buti felt bad cause colin was there. i dont know if i was doing it on purpose to see what he would do or to make him jealous. i didnt mean it like that. i just hope he'll still hang out with me. ok enough of that. ill be back.