the law of threes
a retraction
I would like to prostrate at the foot of Ms. I'm-So-Smart-Yet-I-Don't-Know-What-A-Gerbil-Is in sincerest apology for calling her Ms. I'm-So-Smart-Yet-I-Don't-Know-What-A-Gerbil-Is. That totally blows ass of me. Not only am I sorry for calling her out like that, I'm also sorry that she doesn't know what a gerbil is. Here, my friend. Here is a picture of a gerbil. I hope you enjoy it. Note the long tail. Gerbils use it to constrict the necks of its natural enemies before they devour their prey. Girl, I only want to help you:
Awwwwwwwww. But no, seriously, I really am sorry. I only make fun of you because I love you.
a confession
I'm a shitty friend. Yeah. I mean..I might listen to people when they're feeling horrible and need an ear sometimes, and I might even help you move if I don't have any other pressing engagements, but otherwise I really am a poor excuse for the f-word, online or even in person. As someone's "friend" I have 1. Borrowed money and never made any attempt to pay them back 2. Taken somebody else's word that they did something horrible when in fact they never did such a thing 3. Inadvertently hurt their feelings with sarcastic comments, even when they tell me that my words hurt, I fucking forget and keep doing it anyway 4. Shanghaied their girlfriends without anyone's permission. You are indeed lucky that you're far away from me, sitting in your various bedrooms and studys whole states, provinces, and oceans away from here, where I cannot ruin your life. Because more often than not, it seems as though I do.
That and I just now realized (like two weeks ago) the meaning of the word "erudite", a few months ago realized that it isn't spelled "segway", it's in fact spelled "segue." And when I was twenty-one, I finally figured out what those switches next to the light switch in all the bathrooms are for. Not only am I selfish, I'm an imbecile, and any illusion of my intelligence is a goddamned dirty lie I maintain year after year.
Edit: My new nickname really should be "Buttnugget", because I am one.
a declaration
I probably won't post this week, I might comment..I might not have the time. My final (and needlessly dramatic) post for awhile will probably be on Thursday or Friday, and then after that, for most practical purposes, I'll have total internet blackout for an undisclosed amount of time.
My sincerest hopes for all of you to have the finest week ever this time around. And remember to eat something good for you, like a grapefruit, or prunes. Less meat, more vegetable. I may be a shitty friend, but at least I don't make cute little animals cry because they're going to be killed for your fat computer chair-shaped ass.
Whoops. IT'S TRICKY TO ROCK AND RHYME TO ROCK AND RHYME THAT'S RIGHT ON TIME IT'S TRICKY
I would like to prostrate at the foot of Ms. I'm-So-Smart-Yet-I-Don't-Know-What-A-Gerbil-Is in sincerest apology for calling her Ms. I'm-So-Smart-Yet-I-Don't-Know-What-A-Gerbil-Is. That totally blows ass of me. Not only am I sorry for calling her out like that, I'm also sorry that she doesn't know what a gerbil is. Here, my friend. Here is a picture of a gerbil. I hope you enjoy it. Note the long tail. Gerbils use it to constrict the necks of its natural enemies before they devour their prey. Girl, I only want to help you:
Awwwwwwwww. But no, seriously, I really am sorry. I only make fun of you because I love you.
a confession
I'm a shitty friend. Yeah. I mean..I might listen to people when they're feeling horrible and need an ear sometimes, and I might even help you move if I don't have any other pressing engagements, but otherwise I really am a poor excuse for the f-word, online or even in person. As someone's "friend" I have 1. Borrowed money and never made any attempt to pay them back 2. Taken somebody else's word that they did something horrible when in fact they never did such a thing 3. Inadvertently hurt their feelings with sarcastic comments, even when they tell me that my words hurt, I fucking forget and keep doing it anyway 4. Shanghaied their girlfriends without anyone's permission. You are indeed lucky that you're far away from me, sitting in your various bedrooms and studys whole states, provinces, and oceans away from here, where I cannot ruin your life. Because more often than not, it seems as though I do.
That and I just now realized (like two weeks ago) the meaning of the word "erudite", a few months ago realized that it isn't spelled "segway", it's in fact spelled "segue." And when I was twenty-one, I finally figured out what those switches next to the light switch in all the bathrooms are for. Not only am I selfish, I'm an imbecile, and any illusion of my intelligence is a goddamned dirty lie I maintain year after year.
Edit: My new nickname really should be "Buttnugget", because I am one.
a declaration
I probably won't post this week, I might comment..I might not have the time. My final (and needlessly dramatic) post for awhile will probably be on Thursday or Friday, and then after that, for most practical purposes, I'll have total internet blackout for an undisclosed amount of time.
My sincerest hopes for all of you to have the finest week ever this time around. And remember to eat something good for you, like a grapefruit, or prunes. Less meat, more vegetable. I may be a shitty friend, but at least I don't make cute little animals cry because they're going to be killed for your fat computer chair-shaped ass.
Whoops. IT'S TRICKY TO ROCK AND RHYME TO ROCK AND RHYME THAT'S RIGHT ON TIME IT'S TRICKY