Am I doing a good job?
I've been questioning on how I"m helping her to raise the girls as of lately. She keeps reassuring me that I'm doing a good job, but I'm still worried and heartbroken from time to time. I woke up this morning and tried to get Jaedyn to come to me while I was still in bed and she just looked at me with fear in her eyes. Granted I had just spanked her little butt for messing with the cat, again. But I mean, I've been getting it alot as of late. I'm just starting to get worried that I'm being a bit too much of a disciplinarian. A bit like my father. I want my kids to listen and respect me the way that I listened and respected my father. But they aren't my kids. They're hers. So I don't know if I"m starting to turn into that asshole step-dad your allways hearing about that ends up being left by the mother because he keeps beating on the kids. Or if I'm doing the right thing and should just keep doing what I'm doing. Again, she keeps telling me I'm doing a good job, and I WOULD believe her if I wasn't getting these looks from them. I'm so heartbroken over those looks that I just don't know what to do about it aside from just whooping them less and yelling more. But I don't even want to do that. If I do that I could end up like Ron is with all four of his kids not respecting him in the slightest and allways just taking from him.
I'd ask my own parents what it is that I should do, but they would just tell me that I'm an adult and a parent now regardless of if I'm a step or not. I need to make my own decisions.
*insert scream of rage and confusion here*
On a more upbeat note...Ron has offered to Kaylea and I to take over payments of the house. Essentially giving us the house. Payments for the next 10 years and he would sell us the house for $1. Not a bad deal at all. Besides, wouldn't mind owning my own house. =P So she and I have been talking about it. Gonna wait to see what a combined check would look like on a monthly basis and then decide on that. I mean, it's going to cost about a grand a month in combined bills and house payments. But it'll so be worth it. It'll help Ron out so he wont have to file bankruptcy and we'll be a family with a house.
God, please let us be able to do it.
I'd ask my own parents what it is that I should do, but they would just tell me that I'm an adult and a parent now regardless of if I'm a step or not. I need to make my own decisions.
*insert scream of rage and confusion here*
On a more upbeat note...Ron has offered to Kaylea and I to take over payments of the house. Essentially giving us the house. Payments for the next 10 years and he would sell us the house for $1. Not a bad deal at all. Besides, wouldn't mind owning my own house. =P So she and I have been talking about it. Gonna wait to see what a combined check would look like on a monthly basis and then decide on that. I mean, it's going to cost about a grand a month in combined bills and house payments. But it'll so be worth it. It'll help Ron out so he wont have to file bankruptcy and we'll be a family with a house.
God, please let us be able to do it.