From HSA: Home Schoolers In Denial
JM Hudlow suggested:
Ooh, ooh... how about homeschool kids who are proud of defying stereotypes... who seem to make it their life ambition to hide their homeschooledness?
Welcome back to my blog John!
It’s a well known fact that home schoolers are everywhere! Whether they’re messing up the grade curve in our college classes, or buying out our favorite bulk products at Sam’s Club, we never know where they’re going to pop up next!
But the obviously home schooled home schoolers aren’t who we’re going to be looking at today. Instead, I have been in contact with a few more subtle home schoolers who are trying their best to find ways to assimilate into today’s normal everyday culture.
During my visits with a good cross section of home schoolers, ranging from slightly Emo Goth, to an all too “Thug” Jock, I encountered a wide variety of responses to their home school heritage, which you can read for yourself below:
Home Schooler In Denial #1: Sky
JoshVV: Hello, Sky! Thank you so much for agreeing to do this interview with me today.
Sky: Aw, it’s alright. My story needs to be told, even though it brings me so much pain to think about it…
JoshVV: Yes, I can see this is hard for you, Sky. Even so, would it be alright for you to tell me a little about why you try so hard to hide your home school heritage?
Sky: Sure, I can do that…
JoshVV: …
Sky: Oh, you mean now?
JoshVV: Yes. But take your time. There’s no need to rush if this is difficult.
Sky: Okay… No… I’m okay. I was just lost in thought there for a bit. I’ll be alright. I’m just not sure where to start. I think the poets are trying to speak to me, but I can’t hear them yet, so it doesn’t matter…
JoshVV: The poets?
Sky: Yeah, the poets. I’ve been trying to hear them for some time now. I need some inspiration for my writings, but all I can think about is proper spelling and grammar and stuff. I’ve been trying to block that stuff out because I feel like it’s blocking the flow of my inner creativity, but it’s harder than it seems. You know?...
JoshVV: Actually… I don’t know. I’m kind of lost.
Sky: That’s okay. People usually don’t understand me…
JoshVV: Why do you think that?
Sky: Because… Oh, hey. I just remembered I have to be at a poetry slam in five minutes. Sorry, I forgot about that until now. You seem like a really nice person and I hate to run out on you like this. Anyway, I’ll see you around. Later…
JoshVV: Ummm… Bye?
Home Schooler In Denial #2: “T-Ryan” Toby Pritty
JoshVV: Hello, T-Ryan! Thank you so much for agreeing to do this interview with me today.
T-Ryan: Hey, man, it’s no big.
JoshVV: That’s good… So, T-Ryan, tell me a little about your home school experience.
T-Ryan: Yo, I usually don’t talk ‘bout dis stuff, but since it’s just you an me an there ain’t no fems around, I can say a few things.
JoshVV: Okay, so why do you try so hard to mask your home school heritage?
T-Ryan: Pish! Are you trippin’ wit me, dog?
JoshVV: What do you mean by that?
T-Ryan: What?! You ain’t foolin’ me! You’re serious, dog?! Dang, man! Ain’t dis stuff obvious?
JoshVV: Actually, I’m lost. What’s so obvious?
T-Ryan: Da girls, man! How can a playa get a girl if she’s all Amish down in da house, man? Some boy comes down to get a little action and her old man busts a cap and dat’s it, man! Dat’s why I don’t want nothin’ to do with dat crazy stuff, man.
JoshVV: Okay, so that explains why you left the home school movement, I think… But why do you see such a great need to hide the fact that you were home schooled?
T-Ryan: Pish! No offence, man, but have ya looked in a mirror, dog? You really think I could get some somethin’-somethin’ looking like Leave It To Beaver? Naw, man! That stuff ain’t happenin’! Not for dis playa!
JoshVV: Okay… I think that answers my questions… Ummm… Thanks for talking with me today?
T-Ryan: No prob, man. Keep it real!
JoshVV: Umm… yeah… Bye!
T-Ryan: See ya, dog!
Home Schooler In Denial #3: Fredda D. Darrke
JoshVV: Hello, Fredda! Thank you so much for agreeing to do this interview with me today.
Fredda: Shhh! Not so loud!
JoshVV: What?
Fredda: I said, not so loud! Someone might hear you!
JoshVV: Ummm… Fredda? We’re here all alone in your apartment.
Fredda: I know, but you should still keep it quiet just in case.
JoshVV: Okay… I’ll do that…
Fredda: Thanks.
JoshVV: So Fredda, would you mind telling me a little bit about your home school experience?
Fredda: What? Who told you I was home schooled?
JoshVV: I don’t understand… Weren’t you home schooled?
Fredda: That doesn’t matter. I just want to know, who told you I was home schooled?
JoshVV: I… ummm… Well…
Fredda: Okay! Whatever! You don’t have to tell me. It was probably my mom. She’s always telling people stuff I don’t want them to know about.
JoshVV: Actually, it wasn’t your…
Fredda: You know what? It doesn’t matter! What do you want to know since you obviously already know I was home schooled, and since my private life is apparently on public display for everyone to see anyway!
JoshVV: Well, I… ummm… I…
Fredda: You want to know about my home school experience? Is that what you asked?
JoshVV: Ummm… Yes?
Fredda: Fine! I’ll tell you! It was horrible, and lonely, and dark, and quiet, and I didn’t have any friends, and all I did was a bunch of school work, and it was boring, and dark, and quiet, and lonely, and I was stuck out in the country, and I’m trying to forget all about it but people like you keep coming around asking me questions trying to bring it all back up again! Does that answer your question?
JoshVV: Well… I… ummmm… Would you rather not do this interview?
Fredda: No, I’m fine. What’s your next question?
JoshVV: Ummm… Are you sure?...
Fredda: No, I’m good.
JoshVV: Alright… Just so long as you’re sure… What are some of the things you’re doing to hide your home school heritage?
Fredda: Well, besides the fact that I burned every book I’ve ever owned, all the clothes I ever wore, and the only house I ever lived in… nothing much, other than spending a lot of time alone in my apartment.
JoshVV: So… I’m a little confused. I thought one of your complaints about home schooling was that it was so lonely?
Fredda: Yeah?
JoshVV: So… why are you spending so much time alone in your apartment?
Fredda: Because I like to.
JoshVV: Ummm… Okay… I’m still confused but I think that’s all the questions I have for you! Thanks for talking with me today.
Fredda: No problem. Tell my mom I said, “Hi.”
JoshVV: What do you mean? I don’t know your mom. I told you she’s not the person who told me you were home schooled.
Fredda: Oh well, I suppose you’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking. She hasn’t left the old house since I moved out.
JoshVV: Ummm… Didn’t you mention that you burned that house down?
Fredda: Yeah. Why?
JoshVV: Ummm… No reason. I gotta go! Bye!
Fredda: Bye!
And that’s all we have for today folks! Thanks to JM Hudlow for the suggestion, and thanks to all my wonderful readers! Until next time…
Don’t wear your left sock on the right foot!
See ya!
(Do you have a topic or a question that you would like to see JoshVV rant about? If you do, leave a comment on [->THIS<-] blog entry and see what kind of insanity you can inspire!)