Lazy

Feb 25, 2004 17:38

I seriously thought about giving up leisure computing for lent. For quite some time (years, in fact), I've twiddled away my days and evenings doing nothing particularly focussed on the machine. It had gotten much worse after I started working, as I had much less time to do those things I wanted to in the evenings, yet I continued to sit and twiddle.

Formally severing the "couple" bond with Katy appears to have allowed me to allow myself to turn off the computer in the evenings and do other things. While, to date, I have merely fallen into my old habits (interacting with some of the same people, reading as I did in high school, and so forth), it is a start. It apparently required something drastic, which is unfortunate, as all it should have taken was giving myself permission to do other things.

At work, I'm currently tasked with figuring out a minor bit that none of the others on my team has time for. I've felt comfortable asking them lots of questions about it, and reading all of the email that's flown back and forth between them and others. However, it's been a week, and I've not yet taken the initiative in doing the major bit of this minor bit - talking to reps from other teams that care about this getting done, and figuring out what they need. I haven't done this yet, though I know it is necessary and will make my job scads easier, because talking with people I don't know is hard for me.

All of the above has to do with me biting the bullet and taking responsibility for my own actions and lack thereof. I cannot depend on other people to tell me to take out the garbage, however easy it would be to sit back and wait for it. I begged Katy repeatedly over the last few months we were dating to order me to take out my garbage. It is the fault that appears most egregrious to me currently.

My dedication to myself is twofold - first, to stop whinging, even to myself, about how I'm unable to do the things I want to do. Second, to consistently and faithfully do those things I take up as my duty or desire. Both are things which will probably take awhile to learn as habit; I plan on working at them until they are. The first is what I am giving up this Lent.
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