Update From Previous Post
My surgery results aren't in. But I got my blood results back and my thyroid is still abnormal so they're upping my Levothyroxine.
The ride home was a hell of my mom complaining about everything and how she's sick and tired of it and she's done doing anything and if I 'really want to go to cooking school I'll take whatever's available'.
And then she goes on about how it's something I should get used to because life never turns out the way you want it to and it shouldn't bother me because I SHOULD be used to it by now.
Told me to get over myself. Told me I never help her enough around the house and I should get a fucking job because everything she got for me to go to college was a waste. Told me that I had 2 or 3 years to work on the plan with grandpa and I shouldn't have put it to the last minute.
I'm sorry I'm sick. I'm sorry that I can't lose over 10 fucking pounds a month steadily. It thrilled me today when I found out I lost five pounds in the last week. I'm sorry my body holds onto food like holy heaven when I do eat when I BARELY EVER FUCKING EAT ANYMORE. And it wasn't fucking two or three years. It was twelve months. TWELVE MONTHS.
I'm done. I'm absolutely done. I have no will or drive left. I'm never going to get out of here. As much as I don't want to work at K-mart for the rest of my life, living paycheck to paycheck in a cracked out neighborhood, that's all I'll ever be.
I'll never be better because nobody believes in me enough to take my hand.
All of this is making me sick. My stomach hurts.
The ride home was a hell of my mom complaining about everything and how she's sick and tired of it and she's done doing anything and if I 'really want to go to cooking school I'll take whatever's available'.
And then she goes on about how it's something I should get used to because life never turns out the way you want it to and it shouldn't bother me because I SHOULD be used to it by now.
Told me to get over myself. Told me I never help her enough around the house and I should get a fucking job because everything she got for me to go to college was a waste. Told me that I had 2 or 3 years to work on the plan with grandpa and I shouldn't have put it to the last minute.
I'm sorry I'm sick. I'm sorry that I can't lose over 10 fucking pounds a month steadily. It thrilled me today when I found out I lost five pounds in the last week. I'm sorry my body holds onto food like holy heaven when I do eat when I BARELY EVER FUCKING EAT ANYMORE. And it wasn't fucking two or three years. It was twelve months. TWELVE MONTHS.
I'm done. I'm absolutely done. I have no will or drive left. I'm never going to get out of here. As much as I don't want to work at K-mart for the rest of my life, living paycheck to paycheck in a cracked out neighborhood, that's all I'll ever be.
I'll never be better because nobody believes in me enough to take my hand.
All of this is making me sick. My stomach hurts.