(no subject)
I'm at such a low right now and I don't know how I can truely even express it. I can right, I can't scream, and I just have the urge to excessive take heavy drugs... and I know I can't do that.
I feel like the proverbial short fuse. Any day now i will just lose it. I want to be happy and I want to feel love and be loved but I am tortured by my own mind.
I just continually ask myself "Is this me? Why am I in so much pain?"
The fact is I have friends, great friends, and I love them all, but when push comes to shove I feel alone.
Depression is hereditery in my family, and so is addiction. I truely feel that the more I grow to loathe my existance the more like I am to become an addict. I live by my own shadow, and I hide my face to the world. Everyone who knows me knows the happy, poetic Big Kev. I can not convey my angst, I guess is the best term for it, to people. My pain turns into my humor which turns to me making a joke of myself.
I'm done for now...
I feel like the proverbial short fuse. Any day now i will just lose it. I want to be happy and I want to feel love and be loved but I am tortured by my own mind.
I just continually ask myself "Is this me? Why am I in so much pain?"
The fact is I have friends, great friends, and I love them all, but when push comes to shove I feel alone.
Depression is hereditery in my family, and so is addiction. I truely feel that the more I grow to loathe my existance the more like I am to become an addict. I live by my own shadow, and I hide my face to the world. Everyone who knows me knows the happy, poetic Big Kev. I can not convey my angst, I guess is the best term for it, to people. My pain turns into my humor which turns to me making a joke of myself.
I'm done for now...