(no subject)
today was fucking beautiful. the weather was so incredible that it made it seem like school wasn't even that bad.. and outdoor ed was actually fun today. we didn't really do anything and were just outside in the nice weather and it was great.. except Wenner and I fenced with sticks and I have scratches all over my arms haha.
Sox beat the Yanks today. good for them.
I have to do a big French assignment tonight and revise my English profile, and then write my entire history term paper tomorrow night. I feel like I am run by schoolwork, even though I don't really do it on a consistent basis. I can't stand routine.
I talked to an old friend online today cuz he had some questions about ADD for me cuz he just got diagnosed.. I know he only asked me because he wanted to know, and knew that I have ADD, but I was still surprised he talked to me. I don't know. there are times when I am so tempted to talk to him and apologize for everything and beg for his friendship, but I know that I will get shot down. I was going through my travel backpack while we were in the car in Boston and I found an old letter that he sent to me at camp. I got incredibly nostalgic and it took everything I had to keep my eyes from tearing up. I want to write him a letter or something at some point -- not to beg for his friendship, because as I said, I would get shot down -- but just to let him know how sorry I am, and explain myself, and tell him that I miss him. I should call him and tell him, but I am so afraid of him just not saying anything that I know that I can't. it makes me realize that many parts of my life are completely run by fear. sometimes I really wish that I wasn't the way I am. most of the time really. oh well.. no sense in complaining I guess.
I know I should call my brother, but I don't really feel like it right now. I know exactly what he would say and despite how much I love talking to him, I just do not want or need to hear it right now. he is right and I don't want to listen to him.
work is the last thing I feel like doing right now. it's going to be a very long night.
Sox beat the Yanks today. good for them.
I have to do a big French assignment tonight and revise my English profile, and then write my entire history term paper tomorrow night. I feel like I am run by schoolwork, even though I don't really do it on a consistent basis. I can't stand routine.
I talked to an old friend online today cuz he had some questions about ADD for me cuz he just got diagnosed.. I know he only asked me because he wanted to know, and knew that I have ADD, but I was still surprised he talked to me. I don't know. there are times when I am so tempted to talk to him and apologize for everything and beg for his friendship, but I know that I will get shot down. I was going through my travel backpack while we were in the car in Boston and I found an old letter that he sent to me at camp. I got incredibly nostalgic and it took everything I had to keep my eyes from tearing up. I want to write him a letter or something at some point -- not to beg for his friendship, because as I said, I would get shot down -- but just to let him know how sorry I am, and explain myself, and tell him that I miss him. I should call him and tell him, but I am so afraid of him just not saying anything that I know that I can't. it makes me realize that many parts of my life are completely run by fear. sometimes I really wish that I wasn't the way I am. most of the time really. oh well.. no sense in complaining I guess.
I know I should call my brother, but I don't really feel like it right now. I know exactly what he would say and despite how much I love talking to him, I just do not want or need to hear it right now. he is right and I don't want to listen to him.
work is the last thing I feel like doing right now. it's going to be a very long night.