(no subject)
I HAVE DEVOTED MY LIFE TO THE CLITORIS
1.
women are perplexing
when i read kathy acker, i thought of my sister
“i want to fuck fuck fuck”
when asked for a rough estimate of how many men i’d slept with, my friends guessed 25. i was twenty. also, a virgin.
fact i can’t get past: why she slept with him the second time.
‘feminism can be empowered by seduction’
i am never bored by yr body
bataille said “i don't want to reduce everything that exists to a paralyzed slavery but to the wild impossibility that can't avoid limits but can't stay inside them either.”
in ancient greek ‘chaos’ means 'vast chasm, void'
when i fuck someone i experience myself in a way that has nothing to do with cognition
in that sense, sex is spiritual.
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paschal beverly randolph believed that the 'nuptive moment' could be used as a time of prayer but that the prayer must be conceived prior to the moment of orgasm
yr mine. he unbuttons my dress. yr mine. hands sliding down my belly. mine.
in a whorehouse outside louveciennes, anais nin discovered the clitoris while watching an act of cunnilingus performed by two women
yr mine yr mine yr mine yr mine yr mine yr mine yr mine yr mine yr mine yr mine yr mine yr mine yr mine yr mine yr mine yr mine yr mine yr mine yr mine yr mine yr mine yr mine yr mine yr mine yr mine yr mine yr mine yr mine yr mine yr mine yr mine yr mine yr mine yr mine yr mine
the body is holy insofar as there are no limits for the lonely.
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for the entire month of november, we shuddered
if without desire, its just a hangover
when rudy valentino died, his memory was cherished by roman navarro who kept a lead art deco dildo complete with rudy's silver signature in his bedroom as a shrine. many years later, navarro hired two male prostitutes to come to his laurel canyon home for sex. convinced that a large sum of money was hidden in the house, the prostitutes murdered navarro. there was no cash. navarro died of asphyxiation, choking on his own blood, the dildo shoved down his throat.
i once gave head in the parking garage of a swank, downtown hotel to a bellhop who was rude to me
when the cichlid fish searches for a mate and ends empty-handed, it simply changes its sex and begins the search again.
"But a woman is a man’s
yes
yes
yes."
(Olson, O’Ryan 7)
my body is all i’ve ever had.
2.
spring is worst:
the whole world walks
outdoors.
open the window-
pollen-caked moon
city smothered. cicadas shedding,
cracked brown skins stuck
to the sill. bodies
moving like swallowing air; touching,
fingertips skimming: a fine dusting; fingertips
sticking only if by sweat.
the night rolls out
i sit plastered to the chair,
stare down at the lawn, empty
save a smattering of daises,
burned-out leaves
clotting the sidewalk. the night
rolls on & on-
is not enough
3.
through layers of fleshy silence, i clawed a few inches closer to “it”
neroli, hashish, a crushed chrysanthemum
when the body can no longer stand to be a body.
‘the obscenity that is ecstasy’
stars slipping out of focus. the body is stupid
limited by senses.
wine spilt on cashmere: i yield to the dizzying monotony
writer compton mackenzie claimed he heard d.h. lawrence say he had never know perfect love except with a young coal miner
“blood-red, deep, vigorously”
wet vowels through telephone wires: like taking acid for a tooth ache
i miss you but
the afternoon sweat itself out. the body does bring us
down. sole consequence: silent apartment.