SmackDown
So...I got in late and the first thing I see is the new Orton kid take an Alabama slam on the stage grating. Wow.
To a surprising pop, Brother D-Von passes the collection box to Simmons and Mizark. An argument on the dirtiness of the money and Mizark's intent to place the collection box in a suppository position will result in Mizark being smited by lightning on live taped Tuesday TV.
Jericho cock-blocks Mr McMahon and in doing so becomes my favorite wrestler in WWF history. Vince gets rid of Y2J and oversells the kiss to Stacy, instead looking like he's going to bite her face off.
Bootsy Collins Nike commercial...hey, runner-up for the second most funky name Baron Davis is in the commercial too.
Lita should really be using the head and neck restraint system...mebbe that's how she busted her shit. [nods head insightfully]
Ed Wahoo McDaniel and Lou Thesz, rest in peace.
Wait, what? Hair vs hair match at Judgment Day? [shrug]
Team Canada vs The Two-man Technical Powerhouse
Wow, they're "You Suck"ing Kurt in his own hometown? Whoa. Chops by Kurt, chops by Edge. Missile dropkick gets 2 for Edge. Chops by Val, elbowdrop, kneedrop gets 1. Olympic Eye Rake and Olympic clothesline, tag to Lance, and Val is your porn-start face in peril. Angle breaks Val's submission hold. Edge back in. Tie Domi opens up on him. Angle back in. Vert. suplex, floatover gets 2. German by Angle. Storm back in. Teddy Long admonishes Storm, and I swear he said, "Well, then I guess I won't do that any more will I?" Drop toe hold into a leg bar, tag to Angle and Edge is your Japanese shampoo sales-face in peril. Chicken wing crossface by Domi. Wow...Storm donkeypunches Edge, then gets his crossbody reversed into a graceful powerslam for 2. Val is a scummy motel of fire, then gets Germaned to Hell. Powerbombski gets 2 and change. Double diving clothesline by Edge. Belly to belly by Angle. Edge spears! Val crawls for a cover...2 and 3 fourths! Spinebustoski. Storm delays the 5* Money Shot...Angle with the super overhead throw! Edge breaks it up and it's Bonzo Gonzoski!! Edge dumps Storm to win the Royal Rumble...Val dodges the Anglympic Slam and rolls up Angle...Storm with the superkick...Angle turns things 180 degrees...Teddy Long counts it and that was a damned good match for having two guys we haven't seen in any relevant fashion in months.
Go Jericho Go!!
Y2J tells the jackasses that they can't bring him down. He earned his chance to face Hollywood Hulk Has-been by pinning the Shame. Heh. Jericho is going to drive a stake through the heart of Hulkamania (oh sweet!). Sneaks an insult in at Pittsburgh. I can hear the time run out on Hulkamania, and it sounds...like...Motorhead?
Incidentally, I recreated Triple H's entrance in my room using iTunes playing the entrance theme, QuickTime Player playing the TitanTron video, and a water bottle. It was sweet. The watermark on my ceiling is thankfully gone...now back to your recap...
Jericho and HHH nose-to-nose...heh, I'm gonna pass up the cheapshot here. HHH is smiling because he knows something Jericho doesn't...he's been creatively booking again and next week we'll see Jericho against Perry Saturn in a random WCW memorabilia on a pole match. HHH says there's "no chance in Hell" he's going to win tonight. Okay...either I'm seeing something, or Jericho mouthed "I know you can't take me" in sync with Lemmy.
Damn! and Mizark v Christian and Really Sunburned Test
For a sec I thought we'd have Christian and Brother D-Von, which makes sense for me never having thought of it. Christian distracts Mizark...this one just looks bad, so I'ma gonna call "Pissbreak" and go paint. Thankfully Brother D-Von distracts the crowd long enough for us to forget a match was going on. "Jesse Jackson fears D-Von" is a good sign I saw. D-Von donkeypunches Mizark and he's a holy man on the run. Yakuza kick, no one cares, the heels win.
Bathroom break...and I miss the cruiserweight match? Why me?
TAJIRI won it...
Thankfully we don't cut back to Vince's office until after he presumably is done. He needs to see HHH. Okay.
Vince forgets he asked HHH to come in. Heh. Triple H is more pissed than usual because his huge nose is screaming at his brain right now, "It smells like sex in here!!"
All the Marbles Match: Y2J vs Hollywood (no DQ)
Like this match would've been possible in WCW, ha ha ha. "Second generation Hulkamaniac" sign really drives the idea home that this guy has been doing this too long, brother. Men with feather boas...[shakes head in shame]. Drive that stake, Chris!!
Hogan no sells the collar and elbow. No surprise. Jericho sells the kick of the announce table in disgust better than anything Hogan's sold since WM 3. This is horrid. I'm going to go paint...if you don't like it, fuck you. Go read the goddamned Smarks if you want reviews from people with nothing better to do.
The last match sucked. That's it.
To a surprising pop, Brother D-Von passes the collection box to Simmons and Mizark. An argument on the dirtiness of the money and Mizark's intent to place the collection box in a suppository position will result in Mizark being smited by lightning on live taped Tuesday TV.
Jericho cock-blocks Mr McMahon and in doing so becomes my favorite wrestler in WWF history. Vince gets rid of Y2J and oversells the kiss to Stacy, instead looking like he's going to bite her face off.
Bootsy Collins Nike commercial...hey, runner-up for the second most funky name Baron Davis is in the commercial too.
Lita should really be using the head and neck restraint system...mebbe that's how she busted her shit. [nods head insightfully]
Ed Wahoo McDaniel and Lou Thesz, rest in peace.
Wait, what? Hair vs hair match at Judgment Day? [shrug]
Team Canada vs The Two-man Technical Powerhouse
Wow, they're "You Suck"ing Kurt in his own hometown? Whoa. Chops by Kurt, chops by Edge. Missile dropkick gets 2 for Edge. Chops by Val, elbowdrop, kneedrop gets 1. Olympic Eye Rake and Olympic clothesline, tag to Lance, and Val is your porn-start face in peril. Angle breaks Val's submission hold. Edge back in. Tie Domi opens up on him. Angle back in. Vert. suplex, floatover gets 2. German by Angle. Storm back in. Teddy Long admonishes Storm, and I swear he said, "Well, then I guess I won't do that any more will I?" Drop toe hold into a leg bar, tag to Angle and Edge is your Japanese shampoo sales-face in peril. Chicken wing crossface by Domi. Wow...Storm donkeypunches Edge, then gets his crossbody reversed into a graceful powerslam for 2. Val is a scummy motel of fire, then gets Germaned to Hell. Powerbombski gets 2 and change. Double diving clothesline by Edge. Belly to belly by Angle. Edge spears! Val crawls for a cover...2 and 3 fourths! Spinebustoski. Storm delays the 5* Money Shot...Angle with the super overhead throw! Edge breaks it up and it's Bonzo Gonzoski!! Edge dumps Storm to win the Royal Rumble...Val dodges the Anglympic Slam and rolls up Angle...Storm with the superkick...Angle turns things 180 degrees...Teddy Long counts it and that was a damned good match for having two guys we haven't seen in any relevant fashion in months.
Go Jericho Go!!
Y2J tells the jackasses that they can't bring him down. He earned his chance to face Hollywood Hulk Has-been by pinning the Shame. Heh. Jericho is going to drive a stake through the heart of Hulkamania (oh sweet!). Sneaks an insult in at Pittsburgh. I can hear the time run out on Hulkamania, and it sounds...like...Motorhead?
Incidentally, I recreated Triple H's entrance in my room using iTunes playing the entrance theme, QuickTime Player playing the TitanTron video, and a water bottle. It was sweet. The watermark on my ceiling is thankfully gone...now back to your recap...
Jericho and HHH nose-to-nose...heh, I'm gonna pass up the cheapshot here. HHH is smiling because he knows something Jericho doesn't...he's been creatively booking again and next week we'll see Jericho against Perry Saturn in a random WCW memorabilia on a pole match. HHH says there's "no chance in Hell" he's going to win tonight. Okay...either I'm seeing something, or Jericho mouthed "I know you can't take me" in sync with Lemmy.
Damn! and Mizark v Christian and Really Sunburned Test
For a sec I thought we'd have Christian and Brother D-Von, which makes sense for me never having thought of it. Christian distracts Mizark...this one just looks bad, so I'ma gonna call "Pissbreak" and go paint. Thankfully Brother D-Von distracts the crowd long enough for us to forget a match was going on. "Jesse Jackson fears D-Von" is a good sign I saw. D-Von donkeypunches Mizark and he's a holy man on the run. Yakuza kick, no one cares, the heels win.
Bathroom break...and I miss the cruiserweight match? Why me?
TAJIRI won it...
Thankfully we don't cut back to Vince's office until after he presumably is done. He needs to see HHH. Okay.
Vince forgets he asked HHH to come in. Heh. Triple H is more pissed than usual because his huge nose is screaming at his brain right now, "It smells like sex in here!!"
All the Marbles Match: Y2J vs Hollywood (no DQ)
Like this match would've been possible in WCW, ha ha ha. "Second generation Hulkamaniac" sign really drives the idea home that this guy has been doing this too long, brother. Men with feather boas...[shakes head in shame]. Drive that stake, Chris!!
Hogan no sells the collar and elbow. No surprise. Jericho sells the kick of the announce table in disgust better than anything Hogan's sold since WM 3. This is horrid. I'm going to go paint...if you don't like it, fuck you. Go read the goddamned Smarks if you want reviews from people with nothing better to do.
The last match sucked. That's it.