hello there...the angel from my nightmare...
what the fuck happened?
i was reading my last entry...
and i realized, that couldnt be 180 degrees from the truth right now.
all the things that were going well have either vanished or been overshadowed by things that are the exact opposite
but, thats life i suppose...
we cant be content and happy forever
we, as a species build ourselves on pain. you may not agree, but i know i am guilty of this.
always being happy isnt eventful enough.
and, karmic retrebution always comes back to bite you in the ass.
i wonder, are you the kind of person who believes the bad things that happen to you shouldnt?
i know i was...then i thought about it. how many people have i hurt...whether intentional or not i know that everyone has hurt someone else.
for every person that has hurt you, i garuntee you have hurt at least 2. you may not have meant to, but sometimes things are out of your control.
i certainly know that feeling.
ive been looking back on the past...and in the past few years, for all the times i have been hurt, i see times where i have been guilty of breaking someones heart, or hurting their feelings...
the people i have or may have wounded outnumber my injuries.
and i realized, karma is far overdue.
you may be reading this and thinking, "but amanda your a good person!!" and i am not saying that you are thinking wrong.
however, i cannot agree with you. i do not believe i am a bad person...i have just made mistakes, as have almost all the people i know. i do my best not to make them, but mistakes are as valuable in life as success, and sometimes they are far more so.
i know you also may be thinking right now "she's lost her mind"
i very well may have. but, i also never think i had my sanity, for if i did i doubt childhood would have been the same.
if there is one thing i have learned from life, it is that sometimes the tears and pain just have to come. you cannot run forever, and the things that hurt you most are the things you'll never forget. if people think what is bothering you at the moment is trivial, then seek help from somewhere else. even your best friends dont have to agree with you all the time. let them believe what they believe, but dont let it rule you.
"no one can make you feel inferior without your consent"
i believe elenor roosevelt said that. no matter whos lips it came from it is a good way to look at life.
unfortunatly, i am probably being rather hypocritical, for i am sure i am guilty of some of what i am telling you not to do...and if i have not yet disobeyed my advice, i can almost garuntee that i will at some point. as i said before...i make mistakes.
there is nothing wrong with messing up, as long as you try to fix it, and you learn from it.
i dont mean to sound like im giving a lecture to some poor freshman who came to me for help. i dont mean to sound as if i know everything, because we all know i have alot to learn.
but we all have alot to learn, and alot of growing (even if its not physically) to do before we go, and i believe that we can learn from eachothers mistakes, instead of hurting more people.