One of those
Jon's on holiday for a few days. In a way, I am too. I mean. Maybe it's good that I have this silence for a few days. But not too many, I might drown if there were too many. Past few days have been filled with feeling. Despite my being homebound because of my sickness and recovery, I haven't felt so much in such a long time.
I've been feeling so many things. Anxiety, excitement, confusion, nostalgia, in love, in like, in need of God and without. I've been immersing myself in moody music ala Majandra Delfino. And it's been beautiful. The exams, stupid and over. A new beginning, and maybe in a way, I'm healing.
And perhaps insignificant individuals have an impact on your life. They make you feel. I've felt cold in more ways than one sometimes. And sometimes you just need to be hit hard. To feel, to touch. So that I can finally drink from that water. And breathe again. Not to feel like a total alien anymore. But you need great friends also. To bring you back to earth. Yes, Carline? I love you, and thank you for being there.
Church camp in one week. In a way, it's one week left of freedom and one week left of being bound by my own stupidity. I know what that week does to me. Frankly, it knocks me back into proper spirituality. I look forward to it and I also don't look forward to it. I am disgusting. I am happy in my sin yet unhappy. In a way, it's like a last week of cussing and screaming and carnal desires. I just wanna scream "Fuck!". But it's also the last week I'm far from Him. I will make my preparations. The death and the birth of me. I don't want to but I need to so I will want to. To be hit hard and hit awake, but to also realise I need graduality. Because I do need it so bad. I need my balance, I need a balance.
I haven't been able to find a fucking balance for such a damn long time. Forgive me for this week. Forgive me for mourning.
Love, all one needs
What I need is to try healing
And then make sure I never
Fall back into that feeling
Love and I, to one another never truly loyal
We don't mix too well
Love flows like water, I slip like oil
Yet I look around and there is all this water
But none that I should drink
I notice now that I am oil, and oil is all I should think
I've been feeling so many things. Anxiety, excitement, confusion, nostalgia, in love, in like, in need of God and without. I've been immersing myself in moody music ala Majandra Delfino. And it's been beautiful. The exams, stupid and over. A new beginning, and maybe in a way, I'm healing.
And perhaps insignificant individuals have an impact on your life. They make you feel. I've felt cold in more ways than one sometimes. And sometimes you just need to be hit hard. To feel, to touch. So that I can finally drink from that water. And breathe again. Not to feel like a total alien anymore. But you need great friends also. To bring you back to earth. Yes, Carline? I love you, and thank you for being there.
Church camp in one week. In a way, it's one week left of freedom and one week left of being bound by my own stupidity. I know what that week does to me. Frankly, it knocks me back into proper spirituality. I look forward to it and I also don't look forward to it. I am disgusting. I am happy in my sin yet unhappy. In a way, it's like a last week of cussing and screaming and carnal desires. I just wanna scream "Fuck!". But it's also the last week I'm far from Him. I will make my preparations. The death and the birth of me. I don't want to but I need to so I will want to. To be hit hard and hit awake, but to also realise I need graduality. Because I do need it so bad. I need my balance, I need a balance.
I haven't been able to find a fucking balance for such a damn long time. Forgive me for this week. Forgive me for mourning.
Love, all one needs
What I need is to try healing
And then make sure I never
Fall back into that feeling
Love and I, to one another never truly loyal
We don't mix too well
Love flows like water, I slip like oil
Yet I look around and there is all this water
But none that I should drink
I notice now that I am oil, and oil is all I should think