self discovery
daily i discover things about myself which i would have years ago never believed. i used to say that I WOULD NEVER DO THIS. Or, I often told myself, I NEVER like to....fill in the blank. I usually prove myself wrong. I should never say never. I used to believe that I didnt like dancing. But since I have moved to Michigan I have been dancing more times than I did when I was in college. I remember making up some lame backhanded excuse that people and real conversation happens over cigarettes and coffee and of course food. sitting on your ass talking about life as it passes you by...does not excuse me from my fears. dont get me wrong. oh i still love real conversation. real coffeeshop conversation about life and the future and the challenges and the goals, and the current issues...(of which there are so many)...but this does NOT mean that I can use the things I am comfortable with to excuse me from looking into the things I am afraid of.
I constantly surprise myself. It's not like I just woke up and said FEAR---go away.
It's just that I have experience alot of growth and have been able to set aside some of my personal body image issues (not that Im completely self aware) and have been able to OWN who I am.
Part of it's being older, a bit wiser. Part of it is being in Michigan and creating this new life for myself. A new community of friends. A new parish community where I worship. A job that I love. These things make me who I am But theres more. It's taking care of myself and owning my life as a single adult woman. Don't get me wrong,sometimes I wonder if I am going to be doing *THIS* alone always. Meaning, living life and finding fulfillment, but without a person by my side, always---forever. I mean, I never imagined I would be this age, single. But then again, I've never been in a position, until now, where I truly loved myself enough to feel worthy of a relationship. I do feel ready. But also apprehensive. At this point in my life, I feel so blessed to have come into my own. And wonder if finding someone special, would prevent me from experiencing even more growth. I FEAR that when I move back to Texas, I will fall into my old ways. Comfort and complacency might just kick in.
I bought a bike in Houston and it sat in my closet for over a year, never rode it.
I bought one here. For different reasons. Over half the year here, we are snowed in or its cold enough to keep us indoors. When it's nice outside--we appreciate it. Something I hope I don't forget when I move home. I ride my bike and friends see me, and I'm smiling from ear to ear. I a nerd about it, and usually I'm afraid to go too far because I feel like I might overexert myself. But constantly, little by little, day by day. I go further. A month ago, I rode to a river trail with a friend and pushed myself further than I ever had. I couldnt believe that I could do it. I could. I loved it.
Yesterday, I rode my bike all the way to school and locked it up and went to the library. I couldn't believe it. I mean to explain, there are tons of people that ride there bikes to school, and I'm now one of them.
For the fourth of July I drove to Chicago to visit Jessica and Jay. We had a wonderful time, catching up, over fireworks and coffee, long walks and long talks. BUT the clincher is here...I drove to Chicago. ME. Granted, I had done it last year for a similarly wonderful visit. BUT this is me, REBEKAH, driving to Chicago. Damn.
And then theres me --the future REBE BALBOA. No. I dont plan on marrying the fictional Rocky character, but I might just be fighting in a gym near you one day. You see. I LOVE BOXING NOW. W
ho would have thunk that I would join a boxing class? A friend of mine from work had been encouraging me to go to his gym with him. It's a boxing gym. With tons of boys and no girls. This is NOT KICK BOXING. this is real rocky balboa/million dollar baby BOXING. I finally went and loved it. I had so much fun, I have been back twice and I'm thinking about actually starting to train(for a real fight one day.) because my coach said in three months, I could be singing a different tune about not wanting to actually fight. I just dont know. All I know is that I LOVE IT.
1. I love to dance...
2. I love wearing cute dresses...
3. I love to wear jewelry.
4. I love boxing
5. I love learning new things
6. I love challenges
7. I love growth
I hope this never stops.
Finals are here for the sixth time.
Heres the thing, after this round of finals, I will have two more terms in Lansing. Some of my friends are leaving in December, but I will be here until the end of April. I cannot believe how much has happened and how fast this ride has been. Im exhausted from law school. honestly the classes dont get easier as you go. the work is still overly intense. i hate the amounts of reading. i get sick thinking about studying when all i wanna do i watch movies or go to beach or the gym or ride my bike. but the thing of it is is that i love learning. so despite the fact that i am not so crazy about the finals i am gonna take in two weeks (prayers please)....I still love that I am learning and growing....i just wanna keep it up...
I constantly surprise myself. It's not like I just woke up and said FEAR---go away.
It's just that I have experience alot of growth and have been able to set aside some of my personal body image issues (not that Im completely self aware) and have been able to OWN who I am.
Part of it's being older, a bit wiser. Part of it is being in Michigan and creating this new life for myself. A new community of friends. A new parish community where I worship. A job that I love. These things make me who I am But theres more. It's taking care of myself and owning my life as a single adult woman. Don't get me wrong,sometimes I wonder if I am going to be doing *THIS* alone always. Meaning, living life and finding fulfillment, but without a person by my side, always---forever. I mean, I never imagined I would be this age, single. But then again, I've never been in a position, until now, where I truly loved myself enough to feel worthy of a relationship. I do feel ready. But also apprehensive. At this point in my life, I feel so blessed to have come into my own. And wonder if finding someone special, would prevent me from experiencing even more growth. I FEAR that when I move back to Texas, I will fall into my old ways. Comfort and complacency might just kick in.
I bought a bike in Houston and it sat in my closet for over a year, never rode it.
I bought one here. For different reasons. Over half the year here, we are snowed in or its cold enough to keep us indoors. When it's nice outside--we appreciate it. Something I hope I don't forget when I move home. I ride my bike and friends see me, and I'm smiling from ear to ear. I a nerd about it, and usually I'm afraid to go too far because I feel like I might overexert myself. But constantly, little by little, day by day. I go further. A month ago, I rode to a river trail with a friend and pushed myself further than I ever had. I couldnt believe that I could do it. I could. I loved it.
Yesterday, I rode my bike all the way to school and locked it up and went to the library. I couldn't believe it. I mean to explain, there are tons of people that ride there bikes to school, and I'm now one of them.
For the fourth of July I drove to Chicago to visit Jessica and Jay. We had a wonderful time, catching up, over fireworks and coffee, long walks and long talks. BUT the clincher is here...I drove to Chicago. ME. Granted, I had done it last year for a similarly wonderful visit. BUT this is me, REBEKAH, driving to Chicago. Damn.
And then theres me --the future REBE BALBOA. No. I dont plan on marrying the fictional Rocky character, but I might just be fighting in a gym near you one day. You see. I LOVE BOXING NOW. W
ho would have thunk that I would join a boxing class? A friend of mine from work had been encouraging me to go to his gym with him. It's a boxing gym. With tons of boys and no girls. This is NOT KICK BOXING. this is real rocky balboa/million dollar baby BOXING. I finally went and loved it. I had so much fun, I have been back twice and I'm thinking about actually starting to train(for a real fight one day.) because my coach said in three months, I could be singing a different tune about not wanting to actually fight. I just dont know. All I know is that I LOVE IT.
1. I love to dance...
2. I love wearing cute dresses...
3. I love to wear jewelry.
4. I love boxing
5. I love learning new things
6. I love challenges
7. I love growth
I hope this never stops.
Finals are here for the sixth time.
Heres the thing, after this round of finals, I will have two more terms in Lansing. Some of my friends are leaving in December, but I will be here until the end of April. I cannot believe how much has happened and how fast this ride has been. Im exhausted from law school. honestly the classes dont get easier as you go. the work is still overly intense. i hate the amounts of reading. i get sick thinking about studying when all i wanna do i watch movies or go to beach or the gym or ride my bike. but the thing of it is is that i love learning. so despite the fact that i am not so crazy about the finals i am gonna take in two weeks (prayers please)....I still love that I am learning and growing....i just wanna keep it up...