The Disabled List
Tonight I picked up the cat to put it outside my room when I was going to bed and as I set it down it snagged a single claw fully into my bare chest and proceeded to hang there from my chest for several seconds while I struggled to get a simultaneously try and pull out the claw and hold the cat up. After what felt like an eternity I figured out the angle to pull the claw out of my skin without ripping myself up completely.
Saturday I played baseball and my first time up to bat I hit the ball and took off at full speed but after my first step onto my right leg, the muscle on top of my right thigh exploded as if someone had just hit it with a hammer. I couldn't run for the rest of the game but managed to play a bit of hobbled pitcher and first base. Gotta stretch beforehand next time. And of course I had a multitude of aches and pains for several days afterward since many muscles that have been dormant for six months were getting twisted and exerted. I think that if there's a day when I can't make it to baseball for a full game, I can simply lay on the ground and let small children beat me with sticks for about ten minutes in order to get the same effect as if I'd actually competed.
The thing that was growing on the side of my head has stopped growing and now appears to be receding and also bleeding regularly. It seemed to be a small blood-filled strawberry thing--very strange and I'm still not sure what caused it or what to even call it. After seeing that tv show about the dude with the huge purple birthmark on his face that was apparently killing him, I must say that I'm mildly relieved.
My new favorite tv show as of the other night is The Repossessors. Why they didn't just call it Repo Men is beyond me--much catchier. Basically it follows repo men as they stake out the vehicles (cars, boats, planes, semis!) and then make their move to grab it, hopefully without confrontation. It's legal, of course, but imagine a camera crew following around a group of vehicle thieves and you can't help but get your pulse racing. Reminded me that I haven't seen the movie Repo Man in quite a while so I've got to rent that again soon--actually that one would be worth owning but Earwax hasn't seen fit to bootleg it yet for some unknown reason. I just bought Decline there last week!
This silver paint pen is making me realize that everything around me looks cooler when it's covered in silver paint. I'm possessed by it. Nichevo, tovarisch.
I've lost about 15 pounds in the last month and bought a new (smaller) belt today--a small-scale triumph. I'd say half a fucking decade is plenty long enough to be carrying around 40 extra pounds from where I was before I started driving truck. Two more months like this and I'll be buying new pants and breaking out all the shirts that got too small for me to wear several years ago. Basically I got sick last month and lost my appetite for several days and just decided to start fresh and make a change so it's lots of apples, bananas, cantaloupe, carrots and turkey sandwiches plus no fast food, no soda and no junk food. Now that the weather is nicer I'll be walking around more, too--I lost this weight with basically no exercise, just a diet change. Oh yeah, and taking trucker pills every day has probably helped, too. Feels like I'm slowly climbing out of a deep hole in the ground towards daylight and it's just getting better and better.
I feel compelled to mention that while at the store today I also decided to get a couple pairs of new underwear and figured I'd try something different so I bought a two-pack of "European-style trunks" which looked pretty comfortable. Well...they ARE comfortable. REALLY comfortable. Like WEARABLE VIAGRA-comfortable. 95% cotton plus 5% spandex apparently equals 100% cock erector. Sculpture-ready camel toe action, NO ACCESS HOLE for taking a piss and a continuous feeling like a soft smooth hand is supporting and caressing the entire undercarriage. These things are really freaking me out! If you don't see me around for a while, I'm probably at home spending quality time with the underwear. Enjoy your breakfast.
-Ryan
Saturday I played baseball and my first time up to bat I hit the ball and took off at full speed but after my first step onto my right leg, the muscle on top of my right thigh exploded as if someone had just hit it with a hammer. I couldn't run for the rest of the game but managed to play a bit of hobbled pitcher and first base. Gotta stretch beforehand next time. And of course I had a multitude of aches and pains for several days afterward since many muscles that have been dormant for six months were getting twisted and exerted. I think that if there's a day when I can't make it to baseball for a full game, I can simply lay on the ground and let small children beat me with sticks for about ten minutes in order to get the same effect as if I'd actually competed.
The thing that was growing on the side of my head has stopped growing and now appears to be receding and also bleeding regularly. It seemed to be a small blood-filled strawberry thing--very strange and I'm still not sure what caused it or what to even call it. After seeing that tv show about the dude with the huge purple birthmark on his face that was apparently killing him, I must say that I'm mildly relieved.
My new favorite tv show as of the other night is The Repossessors. Why they didn't just call it Repo Men is beyond me--much catchier. Basically it follows repo men as they stake out the vehicles (cars, boats, planes, semis!) and then make their move to grab it, hopefully without confrontation. It's legal, of course, but imagine a camera crew following around a group of vehicle thieves and you can't help but get your pulse racing. Reminded me that I haven't seen the movie Repo Man in quite a while so I've got to rent that again soon--actually that one would be worth owning but Earwax hasn't seen fit to bootleg it yet for some unknown reason. I just bought Decline there last week!
This silver paint pen is making me realize that everything around me looks cooler when it's covered in silver paint. I'm possessed by it. Nichevo, tovarisch.
I've lost about 15 pounds in the last month and bought a new (smaller) belt today--a small-scale triumph. I'd say half a fucking decade is plenty long enough to be carrying around 40 extra pounds from where I was before I started driving truck. Two more months like this and I'll be buying new pants and breaking out all the shirts that got too small for me to wear several years ago. Basically I got sick last month and lost my appetite for several days and just decided to start fresh and make a change so it's lots of apples, bananas, cantaloupe, carrots and turkey sandwiches plus no fast food, no soda and no junk food. Now that the weather is nicer I'll be walking around more, too--I lost this weight with basically no exercise, just a diet change. Oh yeah, and taking trucker pills every day has probably helped, too. Feels like I'm slowly climbing out of a deep hole in the ground towards daylight and it's just getting better and better.
I feel compelled to mention that while at the store today I also decided to get a couple pairs of new underwear and figured I'd try something different so I bought a two-pack of "European-style trunks" which looked pretty comfortable. Well...they ARE comfortable. REALLY comfortable. Like WEARABLE VIAGRA-comfortable. 95% cotton plus 5% spandex apparently equals 100% cock erector. Sculpture-ready camel toe action, NO ACCESS HOLE for taking a piss and a continuous feeling like a soft smooth hand is supporting and caressing the entire undercarriage. These things are really freaking me out! If you don't see me around for a while, I'm probably at home spending quality time with the underwear. Enjoy your breakfast.
-Ryan