Tucked away (the weekend I was a screen fiend)
So i spent all day here at Mike's, it's weird, being on the edge of town, not seeing anyone all day besides Sam and the people on the screens. I feel less emotional about it today than yesterday, probably due to the pot. Also, I'm really scared off by this whole notion i might be a dream crusher to Sam's dreams of Music + being sustained thru music.
I just miss him. It feels like so far it's been *me* house-sitting, almost like I'm literally out of town on a trip as well.
Oh well, what can i do, really. Wait, think about other stuff....
I think i've become too co-dependent with him and that maybe this has pushed him away more so. I feel like i shouldn't be thinking about this kind of shit as often as i do but then i turn around and obsess about it.
i seriously fucking need a hobby!
One i can really get into. Well, it's not like i don't have any hobbies, but i haven't been feeling as passionate about life as of late. It's coming through in everything I do, right down to the drugs i almost fell into a rut with....
When I was a teenager it was all about the hallucinogens. I never even thought I'd *ever* do cocaine and get into that whole scene and then now, looking back on everything I certainly took a couple 180s. Now I'm seriously attempting another 180 towards a cleaner lifestyle, at least in that respect, also in the sense that I've come to terms with the fact that I've done so much "partying" already. I need to gain some fucking focus, not some more brain damage. I'm not making any holier-than-thou promises, i've simply just got to give myself to grow up and evolve.
wow. I've just given myself an interesting revelation. This calls for a quick trip onto the snow ridden patio for a cigarette. It's really coming down......
Better go while I have the nerve.
bon nuit!
-ashes.
I just miss him. It feels like so far it's been *me* house-sitting, almost like I'm literally out of town on a trip as well.
Oh well, what can i do, really. Wait, think about other stuff....
I think i've become too co-dependent with him and that maybe this has pushed him away more so. I feel like i shouldn't be thinking about this kind of shit as often as i do but then i turn around and obsess about it.
i seriously fucking need a hobby!
One i can really get into. Well, it's not like i don't have any hobbies, but i haven't been feeling as passionate about life as of late. It's coming through in everything I do, right down to the drugs i almost fell into a rut with....
When I was a teenager it was all about the hallucinogens. I never even thought I'd *ever* do cocaine and get into that whole scene and then now, looking back on everything I certainly took a couple 180s. Now I'm seriously attempting another 180 towards a cleaner lifestyle, at least in that respect, also in the sense that I've come to terms with the fact that I've done so much "partying" already. I need to gain some fucking focus, not some more brain damage. I'm not making any holier-than-thou promises, i've simply just got to give myself to grow up and evolve.
wow. I've just given myself an interesting revelation. This calls for a quick trip onto the snow ridden patio for a cigarette. It's really coming down......
Better go while I have the nerve.
bon nuit!
-ashes.