DONE
Blah, Blah, Blah.....thats all i hear around me....im so tired of all this crap...can't wait for the summer to start so that i can finally be out of here....i want this year to be a very far memory....i can't wait to look back and not remember how i feel....all those plans we made....all those promises...i meant every single one i made...i was willing to continue and hope that things would have worked out...as a good friend told me....you want all those things we planned you just didn't want those things with me and that hurts me because all those plans we made i saw myself doing them all with you by my side.........im at a place now where im not sad all the time...except when lil things remind me of what i thought we were......i find it funny how people think i broke ur heart when i was still willing to fight for us to be together and it was you who was done with our relationship...i've come to realize that almost everyone thinks i broke up with you and that i didnt want to be with you anymore, that makes me laugh because seriously, i was completely heart broken, i'd never felt that way in my entire life...my whole world had ended and you, you were out having fun...while i wwas in my room slowing falling into a depression that apartently bothered everyone because i didnt want to be social? after everything i was still stupid enough to think you'd want to get back....have you really thought about how i felt? how hurt i was thinking i had found my prince charming just to find out that you were DONE as you so nicely put it? I loved you like i had never loved anyone, i gave YOU the green light remember? i thought you were the one and you made me think you were...what was i suppose to think? a month before the break up you gve me a promise ring to never hurt me and i thought that ring meant that we would get past all the arguying and bad part of our relationship....that stupid ring gave me hope that we would be better soon....and than a few weeks later, when i ask you if we need a break you say no i think we should break up, and that you'd been DONE for a while.....if you were done WHY the FUCK woukd you give me a ring? do u not realize how fucked up that was? that ring alone gave me so much hope and made me think that we would be fine soon....i was so happy telling people about the ring...so happy knowing that you wanted to spend the rest of ur life with me....and than the break-up....i never in a million years thought you were DONE with us, specially after that ring.....I LOVED YOU with all my heart just to get it broken into so many tiny pieces....i hope some day soon i can forget just how much i loved you because seeing you everyday i fucking killing me inside...killing me to see that you are perfectly fine without me...that i didn't mean that much to you as you were the whole world to me...idk how you were not able to see how much i loved you when everything iever did was for you....because of all this i dont want to ever be in love again, this pain i have in my chest is unbearble and when i was still in 303 i just wanted to die....somethimes it crosses my mind but i know i can't do that, i don't want to be remembered as the girl who killed herself cause of a broken heart.....like my dad says i'll feel bettter soon, he's better now after my mom left him....I know everyone thinks im ok cause i try to always smile and act as if i dont care but that sooo not true...it's april 22 and im still here fucking sad...and mad at myself for having let myself love you the way i did....why did i ever let myself love you so much......and determined to not let that happen again......moments like this i wish i would just die....im disapointed in myself....if it wasnt for you i could be home right now....i didn't and still regret going for my bachelors degree....right now i could be home and not heart broken like i am now.....stupid things i wish i could change now...to bad there isnt a time machine.........I HATE LIFE......the only thing that helps me keep going is reminding myself that theres only a month before i can go home and do my best to forget that i ever loved you no matter how hard that will be....i would have done anything for you, why wasnt that good enough? i would have done anything you asked.....i just wasn't good enough...never will be....