How things have changed
17 years, maybe more maybe less, I didn't even know this thing still existed or that it would even be usable but here we are. The roller coaster of life has brought us full circle back to here, where to start with everything that's happened over the years. There's not enough room on this page to actually tell you what's happened.
It's safe to say I'm not a 20 year old anymore, everyone has moved on, life has changed for us all.
I think I'll just preface with the immediate question lol, last time I was here I was dating Lauren, well that went south obviously lol, she's married with two kids now, me? well, split with Lauren, not even a year later met my ex wife Holli, I thought I loved her but when I look back on it all, it was a rebound situation that grew into what I thought was love for her, I think I just stuck around because I liked being part of her family, which makes me feel and sound like a shitty person, but it is what it is, that situation snowballed out of control, but it taught me something important, if you can walk away and not shed a tear and not lose an ounce of sleep did you really love that person? I don't think so personally but then again I think that stand point is really a personal preference for anyone that goes through it.
I've learned alot over the years though, some good, some bad, some I never want to experience again. I'm on my second marriage now and it's amazing but the road getting here was long, full of ups and downs, alot of laughter and alot of tears. So I think that's where I'm going to start this thing back up, I need a space to vent and get shit out of my head, I can't physically write now because of my carpal tunnel (sp?) who cares this is my space. I've come to a place in my life where I have all kindsa stuff floating around in my brain but I don't really have a solid outlet to get it out.
Looking back over the posts from this thing from the past it makes me nostalgic but I've been nostalgic for years now, its kinda like a neverending quest to find myself again after my ex wife leeched all of the life out of me and took everything that made me, me and threw it all in a shredder.
As I read through the posts its wild what kind of person I used to be, a little of that person still remains but its largely gone, but going through them I've made some real realizations and I wanna reflect on past relationships for a moment. My current marriage has taught me something, I've only really ever loved two people in this world and one is with me until the end and I'm incredibly lucky to have her in my life, the other, has moved on, we're still great friends and life is good, but more importantly who I thought was my first love its becoming more clear to me as I get older that it wasn't love, I was infatuated with someone who didn't actually want me or to be with me it was more of a game for that person instead of something real but then again at the same time we were kids.
Thats all I have to say for right now, my thought process is getting jumbled again so when it makes sense to me, I'll come here and hopefully make it make sense to whoever may read this thing in this day in age, til we meet again!
Waddle out!