open your eyes.

[rebel_hearted]

i'm starting to feel like the friends i thought i had mattered, don't.
i'm realizing through and through that people are using me & i'm letting them.
i always thought i was strong.
i always thought i knew what it was i wanted, what i needed, who i wanted to be.
but i'm starting to realize, i don't know.
in fact, i have no fucking clue.
its time to start standing up for myself.
i refuse to let you make me feel like this anymore.

i miss home & the fact that the only people i talk to are steve & jenn & occasionally the stupid "i miss you/i love you" conversation i have with nikki is not what i want or need when i'm missing home.
it hurts.
it also sucks really badly b/c this will be the first thanksgiving that i will be missing my entire life.

i'm starting to miss my family really badly.
especially ronnie.
today was the first time i've talked to him since i left.
& it was a bullshit conversation b/c he was around other people & he's all about show.
i fucking miss my family a shit ton & i feel like they're glad i'm gone & its just hurtful.

i don't know.
i just got a lot on my mind.

also, i want to thank you for being so childish that you can't even talk to me.
you're real mature.
by the way, i don't want you anymore b/c you haven't changed one fucking bit.

tomorrow i'm going to atlanta with jordan and jud.
i'm stoked on it.
which is about the only thing in my life i'm excited for.